:(

salam...

u won't believe me crying and i don't cry often but the shocking news shattered the wall that i've built... nad called me and i was surprise with her sudden call, and i thought that she was kidding me that jannah dah tak de... i mean, this is just kidding but she told me that thisis not a main-main matter... then i said manalah tahu she is hospitalised and koma ke, anything... and she called again 2 times to confirm that wif me and asking me to break the news to people... i was still in the air, i mean, she is jannah sani, we were close, i always envy with her sweet radiant smile and today u're telling me that she menninggal... i was peechless for a while and broke the news to my family. ma knows all the good deeds that she has done and ma couldn't believe it... i tried to call m09b members but nobody answered, i know that they are busy settling the matter... until hazirah answered my call and i managed to get the confirmation on what has happened....

i was speechless, she is just 19 and we just met, we became loss just in a short time and i that time i was shaking, i was asking myself, if Allah were to matikan me now, if now is the time that i've promised to Allah... am i prepared? and i feel my iman is so fake... often we muhasabah ourselves that maut is near and often i tell myself that i can't wait to meet Allah and i can't wait to syahid, and when i knew the news i was shaking, did i say all those sincerely?

i never felt thatmaut is so near until i got the news... i was sad and yet afraid... and i can't sleep thinking those... i know and i believe that she is prepared to meet Allah, i know that, a girl who jaga her solat jemaah, cover her aurat even keluar from room coz ada non-Muslims, smile to people all the time, and i said to myself a few times that i will miss her smile but never that i thought that it will be this fast, i mean i can't see her smile anymore, her smile that often light up my day... she always bawa her botol air everywhere and often i tell myself that she looks cute... i told her once that it would be nice if i can pakai kain than seluar one day and she said that she prefers to wear seluar than kain, than i said sahabatiah dulu semua pakai kain and she agreed with it... then we went to the outdoor gym and studied there... she was worrying about econs paper and asking me on how to master econs... we were laying down when she suddenly said "astaghfirullah" and quickly bangun and betulkan her baju... i was asking when her and she pointing on 2 guys jogging....

i remember one night afta maghrib when i saw her full of tears, it was friday, a day before we went to stadium melawati... we buat halaqah (circle) and she suddenly said that she wanna share sth and she was crying, sobbing.. we got curious... she then recited this verses:
"lemparkanlah olehmu beruda ke dalam neraka Jahanam, semua orang yang sangat ingkar dan keras kepala. yang sangat enggan melakukan kebajikan, melampaui batas dan bersikap ragu-ragu" (50:24-25)

she stopped nad sobbed.... we were curious and she told us the story.. medic students have this conflict of taking HL or Sl maths... she too had... she had herr isthikharah and she decided to for HL.. we were having maths test and everyonne's result is dissappointing. a lot of her classmates that take HL decided to drop for SL... she too has this uncertainty... she was uncertain tho she had performed isthikharah and Allah gerakkan her heart for HL... she was uncertain and she couldn't do work one whole evening... she then had usrah and they were tadabur ths verses.... she cried because of her uncertainty that might bring her to neraka Jahanam... she cried, she sobbed until some f us cried too.... it slapped me, Masha-Allah, her faith towards Him is super strong, i mean it...

during exam week, we slept at surau and she told me that she wanna joint and study with me, then only we got to know each other and she told me that she really wanna fly. and dhe told me her life in MATRI too... i don't know how we suddenly got close, very... and it just happened out of sudden... i remember her stories about her sister's friend... the seniors passed away after accident, she was driving to get the juniors candies coz they are sleepy.... she told me the stories and said that sometimes Allah nak bagi pengajaran yang sangat besar and kita kena bayar dengan harga yang tinggi. i looked at her eyes coz i was telling her that my heart is like batu. i remember the last day when she came to my room, i want to give back her baju and she asked me to keep it first... and m keeping it till now... she was so eager to ask me to keep her phone number, she typed it herself....

words can't describe it all... i once told her that i like to see her in her rudung yang always labuh, i could that she always feel secured with her tudung and i wish that i can wear such one day, and she smiled and replied "insha Allah". her words will make u remember Allah..."insha Allah", "masha Allah", "astaghfirullah"... u said it all... and also one day we went to the hall together and we were talking about socks.... she said she prefers socks than stockings coz socks tebal and tak nampak aurat, stockings ada je yang nipis.... i was speechless... true, she really concern about her aurat....

i now realise the importance of minta maaf afta solat jemaah, u are luck dear, to be able to meet Him now.. Allah knows that u are prepared... people said, orang baik mati awal... and i have to agree with it... i miss u dear, i promise to try to follow all ur good deeds... may Alllah gimme strength to fight in this path even without u by my side :( i told Dara that i've lost a person that i can always refer on agama and my decisions... betullah, Allah tak hilangkan ilmu tapi Allah matikan orang berilmu :(

salam...to whoever reading ths, i just want to let u know that she is a nice girl, super nice girl. i always envy with her sweet radiant smile, cute personality and a few time i told myself that i'll miss her smile but never i thought that it will be this fast :(i don't know what bond us together but i believe that Allah has sent her to help me working on the right path, we are close, still am at heart.. even during her few last days in coll, we slept together dekat surau... surau, Allah's place bond us together and Allah helped to develop our ukhuwwah and Allah too had destined that i'll just have her for a while.... she cares about her aurat all the time, she even wore tudung outside her room coz ada non-Muslims... and i remember once when we were in the surau and attent diff meeting but i could still remember her tegas tone warning her clubmates to be qudwah hasanah...her ddemise still taught people a lot of thing... lucky her to be able to teach people ilmu yang berguna yang menjadi bekal buat dia di sana... even Allah chose s very nice day for her... i miss heroh Allah,u bond us together and u too flowerish it... now i've learnt a lot of good deeds from her and i promise to try to follow... and now too i know that as-sam is so near and i'm paying it wif her loss... please ya Allah, place her in ur jannah and forbid her from azab kubur and neraka... aku bersaksi bahawa dia membuat banyak kebaikan Ya Allah dalam menyebarkan agamaMu

sorry for being emotional again, i can't help myself, keep on sedekahkan her with verses from Quran and apply all the ilmu that she gave us, it will be beneficial for her....