J I N A K

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

i thought i am concious and aware with my surroundings, what more myself! but when my good friend said to me, "kita telah dijinakkan"! i paused! and i reflect! and i was speechless. indeed i am! indeed we are!!!

Tekad (A Tribute to Izzatul Islam)

Album : Ini Langkahku
Munsyid : Shoutul Harokah
http://liriknasyid.com

Kami sadari jalan ini kan penuh onak dan duri
Aral menghadang dan kezhaliman yang akan kami hadapi
Kami relakan jua serahkan dengan tekad di hati
Jasad ini, darah ini sepenuh ridho Illahi

Kami adalah panah-panah terbujur
Yang siap dilepaskan dari busur
Tuju sasaran, siapapun pemanahnya

Kami adalah pedang-pedang terhunus
Yang siap terayun menebas musuh
Tiada peduli siapapun pemegangnya
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk hanya ridho Illahi Robbi...

Kami adalah tombak-tombak berjajar
Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam
Menembus dada, lantakkan keangkuhan

Kami adalah butir-butir peluru
Yang siap ditembakkan dan melaju
Dan mengoyak, menumbang kezhaliman
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk jumpa wajah Illahi Rabbi...

Kami adalah mata pena yang tajam
Yang siap menuliskan kebenaran
Tanpa ragu ungkapkan keadilan

Kami pisau belati yang slalu tajam
Bak kesabaran yang tak pernah padam
Tuk arungi da'wah ini jalan panjang
Asalkan ikhlas di hati menuju jannah Illahi Robbi... 

 

i remember the first time i heard this song. i cried terribly. and i can't afford to sing. it was during mukhayam. and through out the mukhayam, i ask Allah for the strength, i pray that i can sing this song from the bottom of my heart. and i did. and the moment was priceless. and the song was actually my promise to Allah. our promise actually. did u all remember that?

 

and now, from the bottom of my heart, i would like to ask myself and u my siblings,

 

what is happening to all the panah-panah yang terbujur yang  siap dilepaskan dari busur?

what is happening to all the pedang-pedang terhunus Yang siap terayun menebas musuh?

what is happening to all the  tombak-tombak berjajar Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam?

 

moga Allah mengampunkan kita atas segala tindakan, himmah serta cita-cita kita untuk syahid pada masa kita bersama-sama dahulu andai dasarnya adalah atas semangat semata-mata dan bukannya iman.

 

i am saying this to myself and u that i love because of Allah,

 

at times, we complain that we have problems with Allah, our iman is sickening, ukhuwaah problem here and there. and we all believe that the root of all the problem is iman, but i wonder, what have we done to work for our iman? amal is the product of iman. we are busy thinking and realising that we don't contribute much to da'wah, but i wonder, what have we contribute to our relationship with Allah? if we really care about our iman, we will take extreme care on our mutabaah. i am asking myself and u that i love, when was the last time we have our tahajjud, when was the last time we fast? when was the last time we recite istighfar?how's our tilawah? how's our hafazan? people will fight for their iman, for them to complete their mutabahh because they know that is the rope that tie them to Allah. i feel with me and us, for the fact that we are lousy. 

 

it's about time to get serious with Islam. we are 21 sisters, we are not young anymore. we've been playing here and there, it's time to get back to jihad and da'wah. if we have been jinak for all this while, let's istighfar and be back. yes! be back.

 

jemaah is just something to help us. tarbiyyah should make us better, we are tigers sisters! we are not kijang!!! we have lots of potential, let them out, ummah needs them! 

 

i am saying this to me and myself! it's either we move together with da'wah or da'wah will leave us. stop giving excuses, if we do, let's pray that Allah will accept our excuses. we are not kids! we are rijal! we've been in tarbiyyah for quite sometimes, and yet we behave like we have never been. 

 

may Allah forgive us for our ignorance, for our childishness, for our stupidity. it's never too late sisters, NEVER!!!

 

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

20 + 1

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Allah! sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

in the 5th week of my Easter Break, weeks of searching and finding and ....

things are hard to describe, even i myself confuse. i know where i'm going and heading but i don't know where these people are bringing me to. and Allah grant me the feeling even though just mere of what Rasulullah felt when wahyu stop for months. and also what Nabi Musa felt when he longing for murabbi and bean his journey to find his murabbi. often i ask myself, isn;t just the complicated me, at times i am afraid if the egoistic me playing the role. i wish that the jahiliyyah part that i used to had, the ideology that i lived and fought for has been totally discarded. and whenever such things come, i can't afford to move on, i pause and reflect,...

and Allah always knows how to calm me down, to clear my doubts, He sent me, and us a murabbi, and alhamdulillah, from her i found the answer, i see the big picture, i know what's going on and i know that i gotta play the role.

at times, i say to Allah that i am just 21, and i don't really have someone who hold my hands and guide me step by step. i am just too young to be telling those people older than me, i am just one person, what difference can i make? i don't know, it's always this inner conflicts that keep me thinking and thinking and when i think, i always have this one look that disguise people i kno. and for that i prefer to keep myself away :p

i remember when i was young, i was addicted to ultraman, all types of ultraman, and silently i whisper to be among the team, not he ultraman but the team who always keep themselves aware with whatever enemies that have the intention to attack the earth. and i remember i once had this little fight with my dearest friend trying to comfort her that ultraman is a good movie, it's not crap.
and also when i was in standard 6, i had fight again with my friends convincing them that staying in hostl can help u to develop self esteem etc.
and when i was in Bukit Merbah, i took 2 years to adapt my teenage life.
and when i was in the debate team, i start to explore myself.
and the journey of exploring continued until i took my step to KMB.
and the peak was when i start to understand tarbiyyah.

and my murabbi simplifies my journey in very simple sentence : u're a thinker. u think, analyse and put things in order.

and she explained the hadith regarding solat asar di bani quraizah to me well, very well.

and i took a very deep breath, putting all the puzzles together, looking into her eyes, and i made a promise to Allah, that i won't give up.

21 might be young to some people, still very new to tarbiyyah, but the past generations proved us that 21 is the age of syabab. 21 means a big thing, usamah became the Jeneral when he was just 18, Sultan Muhammad was also 21, Hassan al-Banna was also 21, and lots more people become syabab when they were around that age.

i better stop looking at everything using the wrong glasses. i should start looking on things on Allah's point of view. i had became somebody and used all my potentials when i was in jahiliyyah and why shouldn't i limit them after i understand Islam. whatever things that Allah gives me is an amanah and it would be questioned later. what should i answer to Allah ?;(

lots more to explain, i try to be as good as i could, life without murabbi (or murabbiah) is caca merba. u just don't know how to put things in order. but that's what Allah wants me to learn. He knows me best, how to tarbiyyah me, how to slowly but deeply guide me.

i should open my heart to His language, to His signs, to His armies.

and i hereby declare that i should be reading asas-asas Islam, dasar-dasar Islam, raheeq maqtum and all the sahabahs stories AGAIN!!!! yes, again!!!

lots more to learn, and learning process should never jinakkan whatever potential that we have.

lets start seeing and viewing things with Allah's glasses.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia!!!

ya Allah! i seek for Your guidance and purification.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

indecisive

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

It's been a while since I lie to myself. I thought I can be strong, I am big enough to face the reality, but o can't deny that o am deeply weak. At times, we live, we work and we believe as what we hope we can, we wish and work for something that we believe. I thought I've found something that I've been searching for long, but later I realise that i know nothing. Most of the time, I believe that I do things because of Allah but later i doubt. I don't know. Life without guidance is insane. It is. And I live, I walk, and keep on living with hope that there will be light in some part of the world. And Allah will test, but He will never abandon us. But it just later that i realise that this black dirty heart is too weak that fail to read Allah's language and sign. For all this while, I tried, I tried to grow up, live my life as an adult, pretending that i am matured and ready to face and embrace challenges, but later i realise that i am nothing. I thought i have something but sooner I know I have nothing.

Ya Allah, I pray, whatever tests that u're putting on me, I bet u, please. Don't let me go astray. I can't afford to lose You. Even when You are taking the whole world from me, please, don't take You from me. Tho it sounds like I'm about to die, please keep me living. I am too weak, and i seek for purification.