surviving=)

salam...



has been months, i know.... chal is soooo an idle, dunno.. feel so bad to blog, i mean blogging sometimes can be tiring, may be bcoz we gotta put our feeling in it kot, may be not for others but yes for me.... lots of thng happen, not that i wanna share but i just thnk that thnking too much about it is useless, let it be, hehs...



sem 1 has finished, done with it, ALhamdulillah, but spooky how time flies, hehs... i never thought that sem exam can be like spm, evryone study like hell n u can see people moving with books, stay up n etc.... man, i can't live with it, hehs...... unlike them, i was busy with the tickets, yes i incharge on da tickets, hehs... went to Pudu friday n sunday, getting da tickets done, buka counter, call people etc,... n i learnt a lot of thngs throught out my life as welfare bureau n Alhamdulillah, little by little, i manage to eradicate myself from the coll shell n i thank Allah for that =) being a collegian(once a collegian always a collegian rite?), i got so many do's n don't's.. but afta being one of da mpp's i need to leave some of them n i found it difficult at da fst place... if before ths i ignore all da unkown no, i walk straight without gvng glance dekat people, i don't gv a damn on wut happen to coll but now da situation hs changed at least 180dgrees, heeeeeeeeeeeeee....



as welfare bureau, commonly knows as someone u can always rely on, i gotta change myself little by little.... i started to get myself ok wif all da unknown no, normally dealing wif tckets, i started to walk wif at least a smile n now Alhamdulillah, i can deal with boys normally, no more cuak tho their voice sgt lah menakutkan =p... but most important, now i know on how to deal wif diff people n wut u need is patience, yeap i got da passion for all ths while but now m cultvatng patience =) n i thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to improve myself for da better =)



n i love my mpp family =) we are complementing each other, n i found that Allah has been allevaiting my path, my task n my life, Alhamdulillah =) n thanx to my mpp family for always there to lend their hand, special thanks to:



DEEB- for sticking up =)

TAPAH- for helping me out wif ur bernas idea =)

ADRI- for ur presence n for sharing ur xperiences =)

FATS- for coloring my life =)

GOH- for pushing my work to the limit =)

SYED- for being da coolest along ever =)

SYAKIR- for invegilating my work, feel secured =)

FIZREE- for always asking on my progress =)

BESSI- for helping me out wif da announcements =)

JANNAH- for always make me feel nearer to HIm =)

ALIIMRAN- for actvating my creative part =)

FAZMI- for making me feel that life is sooo easy =)

KHAi- for making me realise on my s****** to live in coll shell =)

SAM- for helping me out wif my english =)

n yeah.. thanx guys... hope ths everlast bond will help us through out our journey to accomplish our mission, making global players with malaysian identity =), insha Allah



n i can't deny da fact that sometimes i do feel like flagging, sated n even jaded =( n when ths come, i always wish that i can go to matrix n have fun wif others, ok i know that it soundss so wrong, matrix life is even busier, hehs... dunno... i do miss them, muazzam my KP?? funny yet alim in his own way, the one that always remind me =) PQ, n nasi ekonomi.. =) wawa n his loghat penang, balik evry week =), een n her scandal yg banyak nak mampos =), wanie a KISASian tapi still gila =), bro afiq yg sengal =), k echah, n lots more to mention =))) i love u guys tho we are far far away, do tell me whenever u guys nak buat reunion =)



n i do feel that KMPP is soooo homey.... its nice to be there, duno.. i usually hypnotized whenevr da mak cik use loghat utara in conversation, dunno, may be i usually forget that loghat utara can't just be spoken only at home, hehs.. stupid i know... i miss kmpp..... i was sooo thrifty when i was there, impressive i know but now...... man, chal is getting crazier especially wif da food =))))



afta chatting wif alya, i feel glad n lucky to be in KMB, to be given da opportunity to live in community that encourage me to be good, usrah n cera,ah are compulsary, Alhamdulillah... n for all ths while, i thought coll is a good islamic environment, i thought we've been practising Islam fully in coll but i was soooooooooooooooo wrong... n i find it difficult to adapt wif life here, i wanna be good n i know that i gotta be but i thnk it justttttttt so hard to follow the seniors n i've decided to make it in my own way, m giving myself time for that, n insha Allah.... wearing socks, eating in dulang, kiss dekat cheek n wut more u name it, da thngs that we never did in coll n it just sooo hard n i find that the seniors areeee sooo nice, they don't lawan if da boys shushing n ths makes me sgt lah geram.... but never mind, m adapting wif it =), isnha Allah....



oh, my stats teacher, mr Bada, halau me 2 times from class, stupid n funny i know but wut to do, hehs.... in KMB, they got stereotypes on medic n engine students, hehs... n m proud to be known as an engineering student, hahahahha/// i know zack will surely piss wif ths, but hey thats da reality, engine n medic is sooooooooooooo different =)



gtg, dats da update so far....

chal is still leaving Alhamdulillah

n she'll continue surviving in her Ib life, insha Allah...

m scared of changing but if thats wut it takes to be better, i'll do it...

chal hopes that u manage to see the unseen =)

dan as sam kian menjengah

salam...



i don't know why i used dan in front of da sentence, salah tatabahasa i know but sounds sedap i guess, hehs....

as titled above, i've been thinking on this thing quite long but dunno why when raya is getting nearer, this thing comes across me so many times..... da fact that we will be living, yes i know but it's kinda hard to explain.... probably because i didn't treasure this ramadham much kot and i somehow pray very hard so that i have another chance to meet next ramadhan... honestly i still fail to feel the scent of ramadhan ..... and i suddenly scared... what if this will be my last ramadhan? and i wonder why we care on ramadhan more that other months>? u know we always think on what if this will be my last time to meet ramadhan? kenapa tak kita fikir, "will this be my last muharram? i think because ramadhan is a very special month, a bonus month and it's a waste if we neglect the opportunity isn't?

i still remember last year, i prayed hard to celebrate this raya not in malaysia, hehs.... teruk me... and somehow allah lisetened more to ma's doa rather than me but m lucky and thankful enough to have this opportunity to celebrate raya here and most important to see the unseen and to prepare myself before i lead myself..... but day by day, i seriously rasa pertambahan usia, da fact that we are getting old and when ma told me

"pak cik A dah meninggal"

"mak cik B sakit"

and even worst when ma told me that she's having this and that, i become panic most of the time, the fact that m not ready enough to lose her but then i asked myself again? why? and when i think it again, m sooo selfish, m scared of losing because i hate loneliness and i still need her to tell me thia and that.... and not because i don't love her, yes...... and this tell me one thing, how selfish i've been living for all this while..... reality bites but yeah as u grow older and u think deeper, u started to realise urself and ramadhan comes.... this self-reflection session becomes more meaningful....

chal hopes u manage to get the point.... m not that expressive because m BLUE=)

selamat hari raya people...

dear god, meet me and my family with next ramadhan and syawal..... ameen

and it goes on...

salam...

been a tiring day, slep during the whole journey.... n da day finally came, da day that m scared most... thinking and pondering on a lot of things..... and yeah, i had a nice dinner yesterday with makey, raihan and dym.... thanx for the day...

i miss my matriks life, the days that i was strong on inside but dunno what went wrong, i seem fail to see the unseen especially these few weeks.... and yeah, i keep on pondering and slapping myself to recall on my purpose of existence... the fact that m just an ordinary girl and how hard m trying to maintain my awareness..... and how hard m trying to go through this path, the path that i believe that i am destined to.... and how hard m trying to accept people around me, it's hard.... and i somehow pray that i can fly now, and now and end this journey ASAP but i know one thing when he decided to let me go through something, he knows that m capabled of dwelling upon it... insha allah..

i honestly dislike people to notify and recognize me somehow, but the fact that somehow there are people who believe in my capability especially to persuade people, it's hard especially when it comes to campaign and manifesto.... i definitely need to know people expectations and i definitely pray that i can still be myself without promising crap.... ameen... and i pray that he'll alleviate my path; leadership, academics, dunyah and akhirat... insha allah...

and people, life is hard, definitely and i believe that as long as we manage to see the unseen, we'll surely capable of surviving...

may allah bless u aishah

speechless

salam....

i seriously touched reading a few people's blogs, dunno da fact that they are all having this one feeling that i used to have.... n i guess it's so true, the fact that everyone is good actually, that is people's fitrah n it depends on us on how to actually manage it... n meeting new friends will definitely lead to meet and have new crush... n i am damn touched to know how hard they try to move on, i mean to forget their crush because of allah and focus.... u know da fact that the toughest jihad is to lawan hawa nafsu and now they are doing it... they are not typical islamic girls, mind u... they are just average girls like us the merbahians, with average islamic background and i am speechless on their awareness.... see how awesomw god works right? to sekolah agama girls, it might be easier for them to move on or may be they never had stupid crush like we had, and therefore i respect those people for having, building and maintaining the awareness.... i might not say this directly but chal hopes that u manage to see the unseen...

now i realise why they say that KMB and IB will change ur life, it's simply because u're getting mature and start to think forward.... nad chal seriously hopes that we will somehow work together to bring back muslims glory, insha allah...

dear god,
guide us to find and walk through the right path, give us strength to focus on our IB and bring back muslims glory... ameen

p/s: thanks to arli and ainun... ur posts manage to awake the giant =)

orang kita =)

salam...

suppose to write this long time ago but as usual m an idle, hehs..

well, m doing my external CAS at SK bukit tampoi(A), the A represents orang asli definitely..... i felt nervous at first, wonder on their perception and etc, takut definitely but after all, i started to enjoy and understand them, just that i need to be more patience and increase my passion on teaching, it's hard to build up their awareness... i find it hard to teach them ABC and 123... how to make them remember that that is A, i wonder often definitely, hehs..... special credit to my kindergarden teacher who taught me ABC because that rudimentary thingy has helped me damn a lot..... m going there every fortnight and now i know teachers' pressure on preparing hand out etc necause we definitely need to have different activities.... n now i realise that i do have the "creative" blood in me n i definitely need to polish them up, insha allah... and yeah, thank god for everything, truly, u're the creator......

and yeah, i sang in front of the class with my groupmates, "kiss me"... merepek and i definitely dislike it, against my principe but had fun with it lah..... and for malay, we study Malay and drama, man.... need to act..... god, segan nak mampos eventho i know that i can do that... dah lah suddenly need to be a romantic wife, like sengal gell and my classmates were eager to see my facial expressions, wonder why, hehs....

i did my quiz badly, serious.... but i know that i can't be an idle anymore, i'll change, definitely

i am fasting, definitely and forcing myself to hayati ramadhan.... i miss ramadhan in Bukit Merbah, definitely....

i feel like going to overseas right now, Loughborough will surely be my next destination, insha allah... need to wait for 2 years, hopefully i'll be fine....

classes are fine eventho i happened to tak puas hati with a few classmates dulu, never mind, i'll be fine with them....

i seriously miss to talk on politics, been sangat berkarat on current issues, feel bad on that but i definitely is not going to spend my life on that, need some space doh....

been busy with my living, feel bad on that, need to find time for my life later on...

i finally realise that IB is what i am destined to.... feel fun doing that, insha allah...

i seriously hope that we'll be together and i pray that everything will be as planned, ameen

i feel lazy and stupid fb and etc... sorry guys, chal is an idle..... u guys can find me here, hehs

ramadhan al mubarak to everyone, may we manage to maintain and increase our momentum to next ramadhan...

i currently helping Tsla to understand islam better, pray for that

i wonder how people in matriks sahur and berbukan, i miss u guys and the teh o ais...

i miss raihan and dym....

chal hopes that we manage to see the unseen behind ramadhan, may allah bless

it's INTERNAL BRAVERY

salam....

m borrowing choki's term for IB, hahaha... i found it precise, seriously.... for now, i thank allah because i am still capable of breathing and posting new post, lucky me....

classes are fine, homework, lab reports n etc... maths is interesting, physics is stunnning, chem is challenging, engish is fine, malay is enjoyable and econs is definitely fun... so far so good... i somehow thank college for creating such a hectic environment as this has helped me a lot so far to survive, well... nothing comes easy in life right?

some started to say that IB is tough and the seniors will definitely agree with it, and they keep on reminding us on that, mind you.... but i believe that we actually handle the situation, it's ourself who choose and decide either that particular condition is tough or not... i believe that tough, hard and busy is abstract, i in fact ask the seniors once, how busy is busy? and how hard is hard? and he said that it's tough because u have lots of work that need to be done at one time and it's busy also because of it... and i asked him back do u still have time to leisure urself and have fun with ur friends? and he said yes.... daa, see it's his mindset and it's his believe, that makes it tough and hectic....

well, this is definitely bragging but hopefully this will be a reminder to me and others and a wake up call to me and others who still wallowup in self pity... when god put us in some situation, he knows that we are actually capable of handling it, he who created us definitely knows us better, and we have mind that can be programmed, he who wakes up with a smile and start his day enthusiastically will surely believe that his day is great eventhough it is not, and he who wakes up in selfpity will see his happy day as a mournful day.... when people said that they are sad, i often wonder, how sad is sad actually? and when people said that they are busy, i'll ask the same question and same goes to hard.... people said that maths is hard, hell it is, but after all, we can't never change maths, it's gonna be tough and hard if we still keep on believing that it is but it'll be easier if we believe that it is not, and yeah, THINGS WILL NEVER BE EASIER, YOU JUST NEED TO BE BETTER, u can't change the fate but u can change urself... and the end of the day, in order for us to survive, we have to change our mindset, our believes and and work....

i usually imagine myself struggling in the ocean, the shore is far at the back and there's an island at the front but daaaa, definitely it's far as well.... without life jacket, in otder for me to survive and alive, i have to keep on swimming eventhough i am tired, i have to keep on swimming eventhough i am sleepy and most important, i can't never give up or not, i'll get drowned... and in order for me to ensure that i can reach the siland, i needstrategy, i can't push myself till the limit at firs because later i'll lost my energy and i can't move too slow because there might be sharks waiting for me at seabed, who knows right? at the end of the day, the only way to ensure that u can get to the island is to keep on swimming, by all means...

keep on swimming people =)
p/s: chal was just reminding herself, don't get her wrong, she's not cocky =p

merbahian n changgangian

salam....

i do miss bukit merbah like hell.... it's too different compared to here, bukit changgang.... da environment especially, which i think it's kinda hard for me to adapt myself to the surrounding....

being merbahians, we were trained to live with pride and seniority.... i was shocked to know that the seniors are all tnice and the seniors even can take the syer for the juniors,i know it's a good thing but i used to think that there must be reasons why they make it that way..... n we were trainedto actually "respect" the seniors... that's the main reason why i becoma staid in front of them but they usually take it the wronng way, they thought that since m a merbahian, m arrogant... what the fudge? we were trained to look at the seniors eyes' and jokes are theirs not ours.... look at them with pleasant and eager face, use polite words and be nice but here.... it's hell different..... seniors are like frens, u need to be friends with... and yeah, i find it difficult to adapt..... i miss seremban...

as merbahians, we were trained to be smart and not polite... i don't think we have the word in our daily dictionary... we act smartly, and we believe that we have equal chance like the boys... and yeah, we argue a lot, we give ideas and etc but it contradicts the nature here where girls are meant to follow the boys... yes, u can give ideas but at the end, it's better tofollow the boys... and as merbahians that are used to cheers, lectures, and etc.... it's a common for us to have rough voice,we are not polite i know... we laugh like hell, we support each other by cheering, we love each other by expressing our feelings but they are all contradict... sangat.... it is quite impossible ti find girls laugh like orang gila except merbahians, and we keep on reminding ourselves that we are now in bukit changgang... and it's kinda hard for uus to be polite, i mean talk softly, smile sweetly, and walk nicely.....

as merbahians, we were trained to speak confidently, we believe that we are smart and we used to talk to the seniors like we are smart, but here others usually take it wrongly.... they usually think that we are cocky, which i believe that we are not... we were trained to be stain in front of the seniors and follow their instructions without any objections....

that is just too little.... but after all, chal knows one thing, THINGS WILL NEVER BE EASIER, U JUST NEED TO BE BETTER!!! it is impossible to turn bukit changgang into bukit merbah, but chal knows that she needs to adapt herself to the environment WITHOUT neglecting and forgetting her identity as merbahian... ellmo is right, u'll only appreciate life as merbahians when u are in somewhere else because there is no other place like bukit merbah, u can't never find one... i do hope that i can go there in august... insha allah....

it's not about putting urself in the world, it's about putting the world in u;IF ONLY U"RE GREAT ENOUGH.....

proud to be a merbahian,
chal

p/s: i think i first have to love this place first...

it's da fear of....

salam....

i feel bad for thinking that i am good...
i feel bad to think that i was not cocky but actually i were...
i feel bad for believing that i can change the world eventho the fact that i can't...
i feel bad for having what i have after knowing that that's the main reason why i become a looser...
i feel bad for thinking that i am better than others eventho the fact that i am not...
i feel bad for having the good feeling after all the obstacles...
i feel bad for thinking that i am strong enough eventho the fact that i am sooo not...
i feel bad for having the eagerness to conquer and proove something...
i feel bad for putting these into words....

dear chal,
this is just a beginning... lots more to expect and lots more await u, no need to afraid... live life to the fullest and yeah, he is always there to listen... idyllic is impossible and after all, being a lady will never stop u from becoming somebody, just that u need to know the capability... put aside ur self-esteem, start it all over, u're nothing, remember that... u're nothing n u're nothing... start engraving... and after all, he is there for u to listen... he is near, very near...

thank you for giving me this lesson, after all, u need a slap to wake u up from ur dream....
i know that i have to change, it's a must... perrhaps that he is reminding me to focus and give the best score for my IB... day by day, i started to get further n further from him... thank u for showing me the right pah... u're great... n to u all the praises...

dear god,
i am weak......

bukit again......

salam.....

has been a while, not exactly in the mood but just feel like putting it out..... in banting now, hell much difeerent compared to bukit merbah, oh here is bukit changgang..... surrounded by kelapa sawit, never had any outing sooo far, kinda lazy, hehs....

life is different, not that easy, in fact i do miss bukit merbah, what more kmpp.... drop the facilities part, no need to mention; it's hell different compared to bukit merbah.... no more ironing room, no more luggage room, pantry, and even towel racks.... lots more too mention but well there must be reasons, may be thousands why he is sending me here, probably to be mmore thankful with what i have..... and people said that bukit changgang is gonna change ur life n i wonder what kind of changes that m gonna face.... hehs

i miss dining halll damn much eventho panas nak mampus........ at least, it's clean, veryyyy clean.... credit to the pakcik n mak cik who mop the floor twice a day using DETTOL..... no wonder we can get A.... now i value ur hardwork n definitely ur pleasant smile.... eventho sometimes mak cik-mak cik do membebel when u ask for more food, hahaha..... somehow, i am thankful to have "dewan selera", yeah, delicious food is not ur main focus, we eat to live and not the other way right? hahaha

it's an islamic territory if i can say, hopefully i can be a better person n this will be the platform for me to prepare myself for the atrocious world.... hopefully... n even for agama, the ayat hafazan is tough, we have to finish kan juz 30, kinda good training especially for my memory.... ustaz is teaching me, can't really predict him so far but hopefully he can answers my questions like ustaz najmi did..... n the nakibahs are all fine, just that in here u need to seek for it, nothing comes easy in life after all, i know....

i think the biggest difference between bukit merbah and bukit changgang is the seniors..... man, i still can't accept that the seniors are fine, i know that i should be thankful but somehow it's scarying me.... we used to live with seniority n u know that u have to respect n u can't be arrogant, u need to be tough n they're not gonna pamper u, u can't merengek-rengek with them n lots more life that we had back in bukit merbah..... but here, it's 270 degrees change.... n i have to admit that i still takut with the seniors..... still takut to gelak when they make jokes n all bcoz i can still remember,"the jokes are ours".... aiyoo... need to live with it....

classes are fine...... being an engineering student, having the boys as the majority is something inevitable but the awkwardness is still there, i sometimes forget their presence and live as in i still in bukit merbah,... reality bites but i hope that i'll get use to it.... zack, bazy, ainzu n i even scared to hear them laughing out loud.... we usually leave the dining hall ASAp when we hear that, pathetic.... i know.... hahaha

IB is not that easy but i know one thing THINGS WILL NEVER BE EASIER I JUST NEED TO BE BETTER.... but the seniors keep on telling us that life here is hectic, but i guess they never had one before.... it's gonna be college life again.... working nad studying at weee hours n atc.... tiring, hectic yet meaningful n enjoyful life is gonna start soon, may be next week n i promise that i'll handle it finely, insha allah...

zack, bazy, dinie presence as merbahians will soehow give me strength to fight, to keep the college flag flying up high eventho it's kinda hard here... it's not just abput making a living, it's about making a life..... it's gonna be important, meaningful, tiring, hectic n challenging life but well i have strong reasons why i hvave to do it..... i guess the palestinians' tears is a good reason for us to study well, ..... n yeah, hopefull, Loughborough will be my next destination..... ameen

"if u think u can; u can, it u think u can't; u're right".....
"do u think that u'll enter paradise while such trial has not come to you as came to those who passed on before you? they were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until messenger and those who believed with him said,"whenis the help of allah?" unquestionably, the help of allah is NEAR".....

after all, what i'll be facing is tooo little but i know one thing, he is always there, for me, anytime, anywhere...... ily=)

it's char kuey teow =)

salam...

didn't plan to write this post, che' we was suppose to do so but daaa, she's too busy with study, kan che' we? hehs... never mind, it's memorable lah, just because of food, specifically char kuey teow... who knows that this is our first step when it comes to altruism right? may be it will be on islam one day, insha allah

i arrived kmpp aroud 4 n texted che' we on our plan to get the bes char kuey teow in town... she said everything will be as planned and we'll gather at cafe b around 5.... n as usual, i was the firs one to arrive there waiting until 5.10... hahaha.... n guess what, che' we was in brown. me in pink n both mell n meirul in black*wink* hahaha

mission: makan char kuey teow in sungai dua
date: 06062009
time: 1700
participants: mell(da char kuey teow addict), meirul(da penjaga keselamatan), che' we(da pengikut yang setia) n chalym(da penunjuk jalan)

1715- we scanned our matrix card, waited patiently for the bus to come... buses came but none is going to sunga dua... need to wait for some time

1745- a bus came, rangkaian setia, da uncle invited us to ride together with pasar malam people... i started to panic, sungai dua n pasar malam tak lalu jalan yang sama kan uncle?

1800- reached pasar malam, some of da kmpp students rode n ready to go back to kmpp, dane.... che' we comforted me, never mind chal, it's gonna be alrite... haha

1810- DANE!!! we reached kmpp, this will be a funny story then.... i estimated the time, it will be impossible for us to eat at the stall, urged che' we to ask the guard, will it be ok if we check in late? n da staid pak guard said" tak boleh, hagpa masuk lambat, pak cik tahan kad"... biting the bullet, redha, we just wanna eat, not more than that... talked to the uncle n bla... bla...

1815- the uncle stopped us at the police station..." u follow this jalan, dekat saja".... crossed the road n kept on telling them dekat je but i know the kejauhan actually.... god, it will take us 3km..... never mind, gave them hoping smile, dekat je.... hahaha

1830- mell n meirul started to bising,, how far is far chalym? hahaha... smiled again, dekat je... we can even see the bumbung... n mell still don't wanna give up, u go girl!!! char kuey teow
=)

1840- reached the stall, it is impossible to eat there, need to take away, never mind, we just need the char kuey teow... i had teh o ais, mell had her drink n same goes to che' we but meirul had the three,... gila...

1850- char kuey teow is done.... but how are we going back....dane..... che' we stopped a bus, city liner n we rode it... asked the pak cik where the bus is heading to? kuala nerang....alamak....
"pak cik lalu pongsu seribu tak?"
"lalu, lalu"
"kmpp?"
"oh tak, taak pa, sat gi hangpa turun kat simpang keling, tahab UTC"
"ok"
i tried to figure where on earth is simpang keling.... gosh.... it will be 5 km from kmpp.... n i talked to the pak cik, showed off my abilities to use loghat utara =p

1900- reached the simpang... n meirul started to bising.. mell suggested to balik to her kampung in simpang empat... i have no idea where it is... but meirul refused, i didn't bring my bio book n m gonna have bio quiz on monday... che' we just smiled... whatever it is, dah lambat... we need to bite the bullet... the three started to ask me how far will it be.?.... i smiled, dekat je... n showed them signboard.....sh*t... 5 km chalym? nak suruh kitorang jalan? yes, we have to, dekat je... hahahah

1910- walked n found a lot of bangkai(inhaling the bau) dane,... dah lah maghrib nanti jumpa hantu che' we=p..... mell n meirul were left at the back.... n suddenly... dane, we spotted a tempting red "bangkai".... demoralise gila, memalukan.... meirul looked n as expected, he became energetic, left mell hundreds km at the back.... luckily, abus came, we waved like crazy n thank god, the uncle stopped.... god is helping us, i know

1920- reached kmpp safely, alhamdulillah but....."tolong tinggal kad nah, hangpa lambat sangat"... speechless but we managed to gelak..... kinda used to it....haha

1930- walked to kedsis to get mineral water n fork n spoon... meirul was quiet... we started to rasa guilty... " sorry, aku tak biasa buat salah".... we were speechless again... boy, we are sorry.... eventho he said tak kisah but he actually kisah.... troublemaniac betul.... went to D'pongsu... heard azan, decided to perform our solat then only makan.... che' we jagakan the food dekat surau.....

2000- gathered at D'pongsu.... meirul opened the bungkusan hungrily n may be angrily =p..we were waiting for his respond, jangan marah dah... n i was hoping that he'll say sedap... if not m gonna live with guilt for months.... n after the first suap, he looked at us satisfiedly... nasib baik sedap, hilang bad mood aku..... lupa habis pasal matrix card..... thank god for helping us.....cuak n scary jugak when boy bad mood

2030- cucu came n ate his share, sedap... sedap.... released, thankful... all in one....talked n chat.... everyone said that we are crazy.... never mind, the best char kuey teow in town kot.... hahaha
2100- back to the room... performed solat isyak n etc....

2115- gathered at dataran.... need to see the guard for kunci bilik tutor.... n the guard asked meirul to leave matrix card., "tadi kan pak cik dah ambil?" hahahaha

2120- arrived bilik tutoran n studied like nothing happen.... hahahaha

hahaha, we pretended like kmpp tak de char kuey teow je, hahaha... definitely kmpp has that, kinda sedap pon but we did it just because it's free n it's da most delicious, hahaha...
met en tajuddin on tuesday's night... definitely kena blaber, but naaaa, not a big deal, kami makan je... hahaha

u see, how people can be so motivated just because of food... no wonder people in somalia n africal willing to walk for miles just for a loaf of bread.... but after all, it's worth..... this somehow taught us..... it's not that easy to search for something... who said that makan senag je? we have to walked for miles n need to serahkan our beloved matrix cads to stern en tajuddin... that's da price that we have to pay for enam bungkus char kuey teow.... =)

tho it just char kuey teow, chal hopes that u manage to see the unseen =)

it's not that easy :/

salam....

yes, da time comes like allah has promised, leaving kmpp is not that easy, so not.... m typing this in my room, layan my feelings and all. i somehow miss doing assignments, ramble with mell, nik, che' we, meirul, miemie n also meon. dunno, in a way, we complement each other... but people u just have lost one piece as for me, i am left alone. but i know when he decided it that way, he is replacing all of us with something better, who knows that KMB will fulfill my soul? he knows it well right?

honestly, i love to be in da education system very much eventho that usually gives me a lot of pressure but somehow that makes me feel closer to him, yes i know that u can get close to him anywhere, but daaa..... u usually remember him when u're in danger situation or a situation that u feel hard to handle... i often wonder when can i meet someone who shares the same soul, i mean mature, yes that's da precise word... somehow maturity is super duper important but somehow i love to layan the merengek-rengek(yes mell, nik... i don't mind) even when meirul stress with chem.... che' we u seldom look stressful but who knows inside right? haha

after a worthy month, i can conclude that god had given me more that i hope... i don't only get new friends but i become closer to merbahians which i seldom wish to do so... n i can't believe that i went to library every nite during my days back in kmpp... having great lecturers n amazing friends are among the greatest reasons for people to be thankful to, but i should be more for having the chance to have a companion who helped me to fulfill my soul, searching n improving my understanding on islam n etc... n for this religious thingy, special thanks to che' we for accompanying me to surau, i just can't imagine if i don't have u around since m sure u know that i hate to walk alone right? hehs.... not to forget my KP, muazzam for answering my questions n all, u helped me a lot, thanks... n also wanie, KISAS girl who also helped me.... and most important, thanx to nik, mell, che' we, meirul n H6P4 members for teaching me a lot of things either directly or indirectly, it's kinda hard to explain but i learn that actually we are different kan, yes i know everyone knows that but it's different when u understand it through ur heart... i learn to accept each other's weaknesses n one should never look down on others n most important we really need to complement each other, thanx allah for teaching me this.. it's among the greatest lessons in ur life ever...
to nik, che' we, mell n meirul... i really mean everything that i wrote tau? n to H6P4, i don't feel like writing it, let me make it into a post, that sounds better right, hehs?

n special dedication to mell, nik, che' we n meirul- till the day we meet again

Declan Galbraith : Till the day we meet again
Well here we are, just time for one more song,
Before another show is thru’
It's too bad the curtain has to fall, It's been a perfect day with you

So dance and let the music play, until we meet another day.

Chorus:
So don't say goodbye, there is no need to cry
The love we share will never end
Because you and me, we'll have this memory
One we can turn to now and then
Till the day we meet again

So raise your hands and sing along with me
I dedicate these words to you
It feels as though I've known you all my life, yet this magic is so new

So please remember when I say, good friends are never far away

Chorus.

No looking back with regret, cos today, I've found here with you something I'll never forget, won't forget

Chorus.
Till the day we meet again

even if we meet again pon, da situation will be hell different right? but i pray to him to give us da chance, insha allah eventho it's not in KMPP, we can't never repeat da time that we had right? leaving is not that easy, i prefer to be left because i usually prepared for that, but i wonder do people that i leave prepared for that.... but he knows it well right...

oh... i had kuliah zohor this afternoon n da chemistry lecturer said that girls are like pens.... it's an interesting question and may i have the time to elaborate further on it... insha allah

n i remember lukman's advise towards his son.... don't go to "keramaian" as it will remind u on dunyah but do visit funeral proceesions as it will remind u on akhirat... chal hopes that u mange to see the unseen :)

it's matriks life :)

salam....

this will be my final week in matriks, sedih? hell i am... honestly, i have ambivalence feelings towards my scholarship. happy? yes, because they will be sending me to uk if only i perform well in banting but sad because i have to live kmpp. after all, kmpp is great, hell it is....

it's nice to be here.... m a bit rush, but this post will be as gratitude to people who light my days here, sungguh anda pasti diingati, insha allah

che' we- my good friend, surprise how we can get close kan? amble down to surau together, share problems and all, walk to kuliah and isi air together, i'll miss those moment damn much, hope u'll keep on going to surau, n hope u'll find a new companion... be strong girl, i know u can... 4.0 is so possible for u, take care of ur health, be patience n i know u'll do great in ur exam, see u in aussie next 2 years, insha allah

nik- my housemate, will miss u alot girl, seriously... hope that u'll help them with english. i know u can do well in bio, no doubt but i hope u'll do great in calculation as well, no choice kan girl? i love to nag with u, eventho sometimes u vex me alot, but tak pernah kisah pon.... u go girl, see u in uk soon, insha allah... thanks a lot for helping me out with english, owe u that

mell- u serioulsy like my sister... don't give up girl, i'll miss ur merengek-rengek, see u in aussie jugak later.... i know u're actually good in calculation, love maths as much as u do to bio.... u'll make it, seriously.... just one year, don't pressure urself too much. get enough sleep tau? it's very important.... u can do it

meirul- wonder how we can close kan? u go dude... u need to adapt to the surrounding soon, don't wallow in self pity lama-lama. it won't give much help to u... i know that matriks is like a mistake to u but u have no other choices, u need to live with it... success is a constant movement, force urself a little bit... iknow u can do it, help my friends jugak, little by little... moga hidayah allah bersama anda.... see u in france one day, insha allah... u'll be a great army, insha allah but bere in ur mind that in order for u to change the world, u urself need to change first, understang ur self bebetul... u'l be a man soon, insha allah

H6P4- i'll make a special post about u guys , insha allah... may we succeed insha allah

thanx guys for everything. after all, to be inmatriks is so not a mistake n i thank allah for giving me this opportunity. bye kmpp.. thank u for teaching me lessons, may i'll be successful... ameen

reality :/

salam....

i shouldn't be in this mood, pathetic i know, but hopefully i manage to put my thoughts into words,... i feel bad these few days, don't know, so many things went wrong and i kinda "tak betul" probably because i can't talk to him, never mind, chal is strong enough, she has too, for islam at least.... insha allah
this post will be on my opinion, the experiences and lessons that i managed to learn even after 2 weeks registeration at kolej matrikulasi pulau pinang. hopefully i manage to put my opinions on PPSMI into words, chal is not good in expressing ideas :p
honestly, i came to KMPP with one main reason, i want to feel the experience of meeting malaysians, true malaysians, majority of malaysians, why? after 5 years in bukit merbah, followed by 2 weeks with exxonmobil comrades, i don't think that i met typical malaysians, i mean the average malaysians because most of merbahians are all clever and same goes to my exxonmobil comrades... so, this golden chance in KMPP, i am using it to get to know malaysians, average malaysians who come from average families, having average academic background, having average confidence to converse in english and etc... it's average, frankly...
honestly, i love the orientation week very much, it's so nice to be put in the islamic territory, yes, it's islamic people.... at first, i was shocked to see a lot of sisters( the facilitators) wearing tudung labuh and all... and same goes to the brothers, when we had solat jemaah, u can see them coming very early, performing the solat sunat and all... honestly... i am touched.. i had the experience of being a fac too and i admit that i failed to be a good one :p and i love my faci as well, sys fairus... congrats sys, u didi it well.... she kept on mentioning about couple and stuffs... honestly, i can't accept why people here keep on mentioning about coupling and all, but after thinking and discussing with my few new friends, i came out with this conclusion, it's the teenagers common problem that usually distract their studies, yes people.. distracting!!! kmpp also has this "say no to couple" campaign.... i love it... and about the facis they are all excellent students with 3.8 pointer and above and they are all future professionals, yes studying engineering, medicine, pharmacists and etc and yet they are all commited to da'wah... subhanallah.... m impressed and touched as well... i'll surely miss this islamic territory very much as i am sure enough that i won't be such territory anymore:/ m still thankful because at least he still give me chance to feel the nikmat to be in such territory, it's nice people, very nice :)

this will be about PPSMI... after two weeks with my new exciting comrades, i finally realise one thing, PPSMI should be demolished, yes people!!! we learned science and maths in english for 5 years and theoritically, we suppose to understand the 2 subjects very well and same goes to our english... but after one week having the kuliah and tutorial with malaysians, i finally realise that PPSMI seem not to reach the target.... my classmates prefer to ask lecturers in bahasa and even i have to explain to them in bahasa... and i pity them for spending time to translate the lessons into bahasa... what a waste.... and these average malaysians seem to refuse to converse in english during the lectures and tutors and even in english class... i pity u guys, we are all victims... i even see that some lecturers have the difficulty to put their ideas in english, at the end, they say it in bahasa and the students can understand it well, very well... and reality bites, yes it is.... PPSMI actually benefits people in SBP, MRSM and other ellite schools and students from ellite families... but sadly, majority malaysians are just the average... at the end, yang dikejar tak dapat yang dikendong berciciran... and therefore mr PM, please abolish PPSMI, i pity my friends like hell... understand us....

i am still waiting for letters from JPA, please tell me where should i go.... i can't stand it anymore, learning bio and all... i had enough... no more bio please... but i thank allah for giving and meeting me with very nice friends, they are my strength to bertahan with the obstacles, hopefully i'll be strong... ameen...... i feel bad for jilting petronas, dunno... m suppose to attend btn tomorrow and fly next month. but reality bites... language is tough and ma can't afford to let me go that fast, i kinda understand but i feel bad, very bad.... after all, petronas scholarship is what i wanted since i was 12... but i hope i'll be ok after i know where jpa is going to put me, and please let me go to uk.... ameen

i feel bad, very bad and therefore i ask allah for the strength, chal is strong, yes strong enough to face the obstacles and therefore allah is testing her, her iman... but alhamdulillah, until now chal manage to see the unseen, behind the obstacles... yes, people.... i pray that u manage to see the unseen too....

i thank everyone who read my posts, i hope that u manage to see the unseen and may u get the benefits from my crap... ameen

p/s: albaqarah 216, let's ponder :)

he's there ;)

salam...

yes, he's there to listen to ur prayers and not only listen but also fulfill, thank u allah :) and thinking back about all his nikmat towards me, i feel so small yet thankful, what he gave and is way too much compared to what i gave him, don't make the comparison... u can't never reach that stage and indeed allah doesn't need our prayers actually, our zakat and all... yeah, i remember this saying from one ustaz back in college, rasakan solat itu satu nikmat dari allah sebagai tanda kita bersyukur, u know that u'll say thank you when people give u something; solat is one way to say thank u to allah... that's why we shouldn't take it as a burden, it's soo not.. we perform solat with big heart, to thank him for everything, nose, ears, air and all that we don't have to pay, yes it's free people!!!! i just can't imagine if i have to pay for the air, it's A LOT!!! and i remember this story of a man who asked allah to enter jannah based on his ibadat only, without rahmah(kasih sayang) including syafaat and all... oh, he did a lot of ibadah of course!!! and guess what happened? he didn't even qualify to be in da jannah, yes, without da syafaat, and therefore, there's no use to brag on our ibadat, there's no use to tell people on our solat sunat and all, no need!!!

i got offer from petronas, engineering in france, i was speechless, france had never been in my hope, i wonder why they still give me the offer eventho they know that i didn't have basic, so i may be neglecting the offer...

for exxonmobil, i am still waiting for the confirmation from texas a&m university, fatiah got the confirmation already but i am not sure about syed and syah.... cleo is going for his path, air force while amir is definitely into law... after considering and thinking on a lot of things, i wll jilt exxon, yes people... jilt.... that's the best choice, i'll remember G6 till infinity, insha allah

and alhamdulillah, i got jpa but i still wonder where are they going to campak me, yes JPA is the best choice... it will be easier for me to do my master right after i finish the degree and i can get into my favourite field, aerospace... hopefully.... he's there and i just have to ask for it

people, i am not kufur nikmat and all, rejecting the offer sesuka hati but i have reasons, i am still sane, insha allah :) i have to think a lot, yes a lot!!!

i went for this kuliyah maghrib last nite, wonder why da jews are too successful? it's simple, they are following da quran even just some of the verses, including da good food.... "halalan toyyiba"

p/s: islam akan pasti gemilang dan moga kita antara yang menggemilangkannya... ameen

do i need to be a cikgu???

salam...

wanted to write about this long time ago but chal is an idle, hehs.... this will be my special post about my interview with moe in april, if tak silap, long time ago.... honestly, i dislike the interview, bored tahap giga, asking me about co curricular activities, both in malay and english..... talking about the interview, i love mine with exxon very much.... but my kebosanan terubat when we had the interview in BM, in smaller group, they were 3 of us with one panel.. oh, i was the only girl there, hoping to be cikgu fizik, hahaha.... at first, it was on aktiviti kokurikulum lah until suddenly this man asked me a question, it managed to jagakan my mata yang dah start mengantuk, :p



en x: betul ke awak nak jadi cikgu? awak budak TKC kan?

chal: ye, en... saya memang nak jadi cikgu.......(bohong sunat, at first!!!)

en x: awak tak malu ke nak jadi cikgu? sepanjang saya jadi cikgu sampai saya jadi pensyarah,

saya tak pernah jumpa budak TKC jadi cikgu, tak malu ke? bukan budak TKC hebat-hebat ke? mana layak jadi cikgu?

i was like, apahal kau but i smiled lah, senyum plastik, nak kena kau, nanti aku smash kang :p



en x: saya budak VI, tahu VI?

chal: ohhh?

en x: semua orang tahu kan? VI hebat, lepas jadi cikgu 10 tahun tak jumpa kawan, malu jadi cikgu, orang lain kerja hebat-hebat, saya cikgu jer, awak nak malu macam saya? kalau awak jadi cikgu, apa yang awak nak cakap pasal TKC? nanti senior awak cakap apa?



i was baran lah but well soon after that i like him, seriously..... and here goes my answer, not exactly lah....



saya merasakan profession perguruan perlu menjadi pilihan semua orang, saya tidak pernah memandang sebagai profession kelas kedua kerana tugas ini perlu dipikul oleh mereka yang benar-benar ikhlas untuk mendidik, saya sebenarnya mengimpikan dan akan berusaha untuk menjadi guru-guru seperti kalangan warga MPSI yang bukan sahaja mendidik malahan meniup semangat nasionalisme dan saya merasakan profession perguruan perlu dipandang tinggi seperti mana yang berlaku dalam tamadun china dan sebagainya. saya tidak pernah membataskan pekerjaan saya sebagai guru semata-mata, saya sangat mengagumi allahyarham dato' razali ismail, beliau berjaya meniup kembali semangat rakan-rakan saya yang telah luntur dalam kunjungan beliau ke sekolah kami..... bla...bla...

n the session went smoothly, i love to talk to such people, u're a man en x, i admire ur spirit because u had somehow manage to goyahkan my stand, manage to hasut me to be a cikgu but well, i'll be an enginner, i become an engineer for reasons, my dreams and my hopes....



but hopefully i get JPA scholarship... ameen, i can't never be a cikgu, the tugas, amanah dan tanggungjawab yang dipikul terlampau berat, if i am a teacher, i will have the pressure to procuce students like me, seriously...... eventho i won't limit myself as cikgu semata-mata, but the pressure to produce good students is there, not just good in academics but also behaviour and spiritual, i want students to have very high self-esteem, full of epathy, and yet clever. but it's not easy and therefore i pray for jpa. but i can't deny that i'll be a lecturer in future. it's so nice to have prof in front of ur name, hehs...... i respect teachers who manage to educate and not only teach, thank you to my teachers:

add maths
staid en ahmad for helping me out, and sabar with my pranks, sorry to fool u
altruism pn azizah- i'll remember ur hardwork and love, may allah alleviate ur way
special thanks to my tuition teacher that always full with adrenaline, cikgu latiff, u're the true teacher, thnax for inspiring, i'll remember ur calculus book n hope i can master it one day

physics
genius en anuar ahmad for feeding my curious mind, i love ur coolness to rebut my hujah, ur simplicity . sorry to fool u especially with "selebet" and all
caring pn nafisah- sorry for everything, "awak boleh buat cuma ketatkan screw otak awak jer", haha... i love the words cikgu

chemistry
pn hawa- i am sooooo sorry for sleeping in da class but i love to hear ur stories about ur anak-anak, abg safwan and kak sarah, eventho it just a trick untuk tak belajar, "berjaya jugak awak, dulu nakal nih", hahaha... thank u cikgu for halalkan those ilmu eventho i slept in da class
pn suhaila- i luv u cikgu, thank u very much for helping me to understand chem eventho it was kinda late, i started to enjoy chem bila blajar dengan cikgu, u make it simple :p

biology
enthusiam pn raudhah- thank u for inspiring, i love u eventho takut dengan ur class.... hope u'll be successful
mr tan- i love u sir, i love ur altruism, thank u for all ur videos, u helped me a lot with bio, i even hoped to be a doc once... suke gile ur class, i enjoyed it very much... n i admire ur knowledge and curiosity, u never fail to answer my quest... love yah

maths
pn suhaila- sorry for "cikgu, kita take 5" hahaha... and it's not only 5, often until 30... haha but at least tak seteruk nisa who slept all da way during da class
mr lau- sorry for sleeping eventho i promised not to sleep after u caught me sleeping while u were teaching matrices in class, couldn't avoid lah sir, i am sure u are always in good health, sir kan minum oat everyday? hehs

bahasa melayu
pn azizah- thank u cikgu, selalu ingat ur story pasal ur arwah anak, u're sooo motherly, thank u for always understand our situation and always tak tak kecil hati with us, love u

english
pn nora- i love u pn nora, seriously!!! eventho it took us 3 weeks to finish sonnet 18 and 2 weeks to finish si tenggang, i still remember all da lessons and honestly, i remember it untill now
miss chelvee- u educated us n not tought, but i enjoyed ur class, eventho we spent 3 weeks listening to ur reading on alexander the great and th pearl, i still remember ur tears, sorry for escaping ur class, postponed yet tak pernah hantar ur homework but one thing for sure, u taught me about life, yes, life!!!!

sejarah
en salleh- thank u for all ur stories on politics and all ur doa that usually full of blasphomy and euphemism."mangkuk, hamlau" n all, u name it... hahaha... thank u for being soooo understanding
pn yusma- 4 years with her, thank u, luv yah... still couldn't forget during one class when only 3 of us still alive, yang lain semua dah drift to heaven:p

agama
us najmi- luv u ustaz, thank u for ur candid answer on all my questions, ustaz memang cool habis.... sorry for always "lencongkan" ustaz, hahaha... " nanti lepas awak baca buku apa-apa, pastikan awak tanya ustaz pasal kepastian, saya takut dengan awak nih"... hahaha insha allah ustaz... hopefully i can be good

they are my teachers, banyak lagi of course but they are the people who coloured my senior life in merbah, love u guys.... moga dunia dan akhirat menjadi mudah bagi kita, ameen

1) i had interview with petronas but i will opt it if i get
2) i will jilt exxon soon, chal is still sane, :p
3) i got interview with bank negara but i am not going, chal wanna be an engineer and not ecconomist
4) i am going to kolej matrikulasi pulau pinang for a while, hopefully... my dream since i was 12
5) i got diploma kejuruteraan aeronautik in utm but sadly, i can't.....

all in all, i thank allah for everything, thank u for all the prayers... don't scold chal because chal usuall do something logically :p
advance happy teachers' day to all tecahers, sayang anda

p/s: chal will be a pelarian soon, yes... lari dari realiti :p

istiqamah

salam...

m supposed to write something about nocturnal but this istiqamah thingy came out when i was on my way to n25 bukit selambau yesterday, was listening to this ceramah about istiqamah, this ustaz advised everyone to istiqamah with iman, the ustaz said when people asked u who created this universe, definitely we'll say allah right? but what if people ask u who created allah? what are u gonna say? i bet this question always come accross ur mind, this ustas suggested to answer this question by telling this ayat, m not sure but somathing istiqamah and whenever that question come accross ur mind, say lailahaillallah quickly and he saud the lafaz lailahaillah has to be renewed everyday, yes it is. and i just knew that if u happen to "tertelan" something while solat, u have to sujud sahwi, i just knew it, poor chal, humph :/

i believe that as merbahian we are trained to be istiqamah with our amalan just it depends on the individual, hay!!! i had been reading yaasin every friday's night since 13 n same goes to ceramah and lots more that we had even the prep time but the problem with merbahians this istiqamah thingy don't work when we approach our seniors life why? because we don't do domething sincerely, it doesn't come from our heart, i bet u this is the real reason and therefore i believe that in order for us to educate people it must come from our hearts, then only we can be istiqamaah as not every people realise the purpose of living and life, u wonder why why people keep on doing sin without feeling any guilt? u wonder why people keep on breaking rules even though their actions might harm them and the fact that they come from very good family? u can extrapolate the answer on ur own, no guesswork, trust me!!! as for me i don't do something because of the do's and the don'ts.... i pray because i don't see the purpose of not praying, i wear hijab because i don't see the purpose of letting people see my hair, i didn't break school rules during my life back in bukit merbah because i didn't see the purpose of doing it, seriously.. they said that it's for fun, fun? is that the purpose of urliving not ur life, but wait!!!! is that the only purpose of living? enjoy urself? while people in afghanistan, palestin, lebanon are suffering, starving for food, searching and working just to get something for food? is that it? man, that's cruel and atrocious! god forbid!!! think people, life is not about urself, u're living with lots more people in this world, do something people, live with others, i don't ask u to mourn and be sad, staid nad stern all the time, hay! islam is not that atrocious, mind me!!!! m sure u know how to play ur roles, do something for allah and for the ummah, u will be successful, insha allah....

this living and life thingy came after i read ustaz pahrol's article on hidup and kehidupan, his question on isteri itu teman hidup atau kehidupan keep on hitting my mind and i started to like it, i told raihan and semaa' about this and raihan loves this, she agrees and we manage to see the unseen, alhamdulillah!!! see jan, there are something that only we both understand this,... ustaz pahrol is so great... he said that kita membuat amal bukan untuk persediaan mati tapi persediaan hidup selepas mati and kita tak sewajarnya takut akan kematian tetapi takut akan kehidupan selepas mati, if m not mistaken lah...... so far, haven't found his blog but u can read his column in ANIS, never miss it.... if u're the life searcher, he is soooo a good mind readerlah.....

ponder it friends, istiqamah with all ur good deeds, know ur purpose of existence, hope u manage to see the unseen :)

mereka :)

salam...

i hate to be in this abominable mood, god... help me!!!!

and well i miss my chums, my comrades and mates.... i know that i seldom say this and i even hate to reminisce all the memories but i think i need to say a few words, anda diingati dan dirindui... may allah allocate time for us to meet and talk, just talk....

shuhada-my mak cik
the only person who knows that i just need a listener not an advisor, miss our mid-nite talk, hahaha... i talked a lot, seriously.. the one who will just listen to my crap and now i suffer for not having her around, i need to talk mak cik, may allah render u with rahmah and patience... ameen

raihan- my comrade
the one that i care and love because of allah, we never had fight and i thank him because of that, the one that i can say it all-out, advises me, helps me, appreciates me, i love the honesty and the bond that we have, since we were 14, love u till jannah, hope we still have time to talk and advise each other...may allah also render u with good health, i know u're strong, insha allah..ameen

semaa'-my chum
the one that i always argue, hahaha... i miss the time that we had, we share dreams, hopes, ambitions and lots more.... u make me realise that life is not about u and i, it's about me,... i love ur determination, i admire it very much, u make me strong, seriously!!!may we can achieve our dreams and hopes, the person that keeps me aware and stronger to pursue my dreams, the one who knows why i choose to be an engineer, the one that i hope i can go to muslims country and overcome poverty, philantropists, insha allah....

dym-my buddy
the one that i can talk to, i don't know about our similarities but i believe that we share something in common, wonder is that... the one that knows my dreams and hopes to study abroad, the precise reason... the one that i show my "other" self, hope we both will succeed, ameen.... hope to meet u in front of kaabah, one day....

they are them, we were not close but we know that we are there for each other, i pray that allah will help us with our future, may we are the people who are going to bring back muslims glory... ameen

to my otherm mates, thank you for teaching and giving me lessons in life, directly or indirectly, thank you for everything, sorry to vex u, but i appreciate ur presence, i pray that allah will render all of us with rahmah and fullfill our doas that we "niatkan" because of him.... ameen

anda diingati... my GLADIATORS:)

truly,
chal

geopark:)

salam..

came back from langkawi few days ago... man!!!! it's amazing, just can't pit it into words, i love langkawi and proud to be orang kedah... weee...

but seriously, langkawi memang should jadi geopark, eventhough i just went to 2 from 3 geoparks, but it's still oklah dari x pergi langsung.. went to machincang cambrian and kilim geoforest park, thank you YSB for giving me this opportunity, luv anda.....

had chance to menghadap YTM Tunku and had a nice chat with her, surprised to know taht she was a Merbahian, patik sayang YTM TUnku, but it was funny lah to converse in English, i jadi patik... and i said this sentence.... alhamdulillah, patik got ..... in patik's spm..,, hahaha it is stupid but what to say, protokol punya pasal.... not in the mood, gonna write about the trip later, insha allah... miss net is currently not in the home, yong, hang lah ni... sigh....

many things went wrong, lets ask Allah for the best, he knows it better, there must be hikmah underneath everything, redha and tawakkal.....

hope we manage to see the unseen :)

he LISTENS :)

salam...
firstly, alhamdulillah, i made it, zillion of thanx for all the prayers, may allah render u back with success in this world and in the here after, thank you very much, m not gonna brag on it, NO!!!, m gonna make a special post to those who didn't make it, hope this will help u, remember, i used to be among the idiocy people and i can understand the feeling,
people,
allah knows better, there is no use to give up, there is no use to regret, there is no use to be sad, trust me!!! u can't change the result and therefore u need to live with it, SPM is not everything, it's not the end of ur world, indeed, it has nothing to do with ur life, it doesn't guarantee ur future, everyone is good in their own way, and may be this is not ur path, so, use and grab all the chances that will put u on the right path, on ur path!!! no one can stop u from making it, SPM can't never drive u to the door of success, it's ur determination!!! go on with ur life, do what u wanna do, even if u take a longer period as compared to others, u know urself, ignore what others are saying and rambling on u, they don't live ur life and therefore they will never understand it, everything is gonna be alright, only determination allah will drive u to success, no such thing as stupid!!! NO!!! take time to reflect on ur past, learn and do not repeat all da mistakes that u've done, and just remember that THINGS WILL NEVER BE EASIER, U JUST NEED TO BE BETTER!!! and also HOW FAR IS FAR? HOW HIGH IS HIGH? U'LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL U TRY!!! go on, there's no use to look back, be sanguine, redha with ur result, allah knows it better, there must be hikmahsunderneath it, ask allah for the strength, keep on praying as we is listening, all the time, trust me, gear up guys!!! ur tears is soooo precious to be wasted just because of ur SPM, there are a lot of successful people who failed their SPM, no need to worry, Allah has planned it very well, everyone can do it, it just the mentality, and remember ALL U NEED TO DO IS TO KEEP ON BELIEVING THAT U CAN DO IT EVEN WHEN OTHERS DON'T, look up for other opportunities, there's no use to wallow in self-pity, wake up people!!! u still have chance to study, look at the Palestinians, what drives them to success? what makes them stronger and tougher if not the determination? learn from the pasts, no need to worry, ALLAH is there...
may it helps,
chal

disgruntled

salam...

that's what i feel right now, betul ke chal?(told u that i never know how to describe my feelings)..
so many things came across my mind, adoiiii, :/ hard to describe but this time, yes, it's about future but no more engineering and medic, but it's about marriage, politics and bla..bla..bla...

drop the marriage part(m not gonna tell u now, hish under 18, hahaha)...i am not blaming my school and my friends, not the fate too, but i think it's the mentality, collegians even though we wish and work to be different from others, to put ourselves head and shoulders above others, we work and believe that we are up to the notch but the reality bites, i don't know, may be it's our capability as women(to bee =>) don't know, hard to explain but i think only the collegians understand it kot, the fact that we won't be the future leaders if we keep on behaving like who we were back in the college, i don't know, after 5 years there, seriously i didn't see too much differences between us and the outsiders, don't know, we are actually like them just that kita "perasan bagus" and our ability to do multiple tasks in one time, sorry guys, reality bites, i am telling u the truth, and if we want to talk about "pride", i don't think that we really care like the old collegians used to, i don't know something went wrong and may be we should blame the admin too, to talk about pride, i miss my juniors time when we really care about it, it's actually following the syariah just that since collegians are mostly liberal, we don't take it from da islamic side, don't know.... i think it had turn 360 now, too different, everything as for me i care about pride and stuffs, it's not that we are "kerek" , vain, arrogant or any words yang sewaktu dengannya, just that as muslimah, there are things that u need to really practise and care, islam has bringing us the light but we choose to keep on being in the dark, who to blame?, wait, i don't want to babble on this matter, i am still dangkal, daaa

the environment in merbah is different, if y want to see the young leaders in political arena, i think u can go koleq or other schools, haaa, this is my point today actually, adoiii chal, menyimpang sungguh!!! ok, i think this is because we girls kot, wait, don't get me wrong. well, being and living in the comfort zone, we were drifted to our own world when we think that we are "good", sorry guys, that's the fact. if i need to compare us with the outsiders, they are somehow better than us,(yang berguna jugaklah). we were busy condemning others, yelling them these and those, saying and "kerek" to things yang entah apa-apa until one stage when we are outside the college and mix around with new people that came from various schools, then only we realise our weaknesses, haaa, that's the thing. we were trained to handle multiple tasks at one time, and i think that this gives us the credit but remember guys knowledge and experience should come together, u should juxtapose them, i see this in malays too, sorry but i believe that i can actually see the future of malaysia by just looking at the teenagers and collegians, why because we are among the precious assets that the country has, but may be our "naluri keremajaan"( i use this term because it can helps u to iamgine the teenagers conflicts), drifting us to dream, keep on dreaming while others are in the reality, the real atrocious world. i don't wanna blame us because we are girls but my dearie, we can actually be whoever we wanna be, the future is ours if believe that it is, the world is ours if u know that it is but whatever it is, behave well and follow the syariah,(insha allah, i'll write a post about merbahians yang dah "idiocy"), that's all.. be realistic because i know we can survive, we are survivors, oh NO!!! we are GLADIATORS, standing tough, (but u need to move people).. all the best dearies, may Allah render us rahmat

to all gladiators, selamat pulang ke gagang on thursday, hope to see most of u, i am going tomorrow and hoping to meet makey on wednesday, banyak benda yang i have to tell u semaa', we can change the world, i know we can. redha dengan our result, don't look back, don't regret if u've done ur best but allah didn't give u what u really wanted open ur tafsir and search for sural al-baqarah ayat 216, u'll be greatly fine, i'll make a post on my "advise" cum bebel to all my dearie after the result, we'll see see what i am gonna write, hahaha... welcome to th adulthood, to the real world, may allah bless 140 of us and the altruism teachers

rahmat ALLAH bersama kita :)
chal

knowing me: part 2

salam...

just took this personality quiz which is quite accurate and i feel like sharing =)

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. ( this is me, but the problem-solver part tug agak dubious :p)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (this is also dibious, don't trust it)

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. ( i am selective, yes!! but love is subjective)

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.( this is sooooo true, it's my main concern and it based on concept "ilal mahdi ilal lahdi" [coorect me if i am wrong])

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.( this is quite true)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. (chal can't never run away with conffident,hehs)

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. (hahaha, i like the word "sometimes", saya manusia)

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an OCEAN. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. (i am an ocean but that's not how i interpret ocean, ocean is actually SMART and TOUGH, crap i know)

so, as promised to zafer, i'll write the differences between all the in-relationship terms, it's my opinion, u can oppose, i don't mind...

sahabat: i think this term came out to represent the relationship between Rasulullah and his friends, so based on this, for me, sahabat is actually a "term" that u refer to a person whom u love because of Allah, whom u always ready to help her, whom u always ready to CORRECT her wrongs, whom u always ready to support and believe her no matter what happen, to make it short like Rasulullah and sahabat, and as for me, sahabat is veryyyyy hard to find, so build up all the characteristics first and people will be ur sahabat

kawan: this is a "term" to represent a normal relationship, u can be kawan with others, pepatah melayu mengatakan, berkawan biar seribu, so start looking for kawan or friends, sama jerrr

comrade: my online dictionary said that it is refers to a person who shares in one's activities or occupation, it can be ur football comrade or whatever but for me comrade refers to a person that i share something in common between us, it's da unseen bond but u both know it, wait da communists also use comrade but that's not what i mean, daaa

chum: it refers to a close companion or may be roommates, the meaning sounds like comrade but actually chum is a person that u're close without any specific reasons, it may be because of the unseen bond too, just that one of you may be don't realise it lah.

well, there are the differences but either she's ur sahabat, kawan, comrade or chum , the most important thing that we need to remember, ukhuwah fillah, berkasih-sayang kerana Allah, then it can leads u to ever-lasting relationship, insha allah as u both are ready to accept each other's weaknesses, nobody is perfect in this world :p

the ustaz that i listened to his ceramah last nite said, don't hate people but hate their attitudes

so? ukhuwah fillah=)

dizzy...

salam..

so many things that need to be shared but i am sad because i can't make it in BM, adoi... i just can't pull it out, so just a draft, never mind, i hope i can write a post in BM, it's da real BM, 100% BM... insha allah

nuryn and najie wrote(or may be mail) utusan a letter regarding the PPSMI thingy, obviously they are into it lah, support of course but i am sorry, i am proudly said that i oppose PPSMI, don't worry i am not jumud or mentaklik buta, i have my own stand and i did write an article about this thingy just that i malas to share it with others but if one day i think i have too, then I'll do it. as for me, i am learning from the past, from Turkey, from tulisan jawi and all. there are so many things that u can learn, i am not saying that those who are agree with PPSMI, do not read and learn from the past, NO!!! just that from what i read, none of the articles manage to even "goyahkan" my stand, i am sorry... but congrats to najie and nuryn for having the guts to mail utusan, even i myself are scared of posting and mailing something...

result is gonna be out on 12(people said)... it means it has been almost 4 months i am indulging myself, living in the comfort zone and all. i keep on asking what have i done for the past months, seriously, i still have 8 juz to khatam, 22 juz to understand, i didn't master my tajwid yet, didn't finish the misconceptions about Islam, out of the tempurung, the future of freedom and the doctrine of Muhammad in the bible, god!!!! banyaknya, i have to complete all these before the result is out, that's my target, impossible? i know i can do it, but i never regret with it? for all these holiday, i praise and thank Allah for giving me this time, when i used to "mantapkan" my faith on Islam, even though i can't came out with hadis and ayat Quran when talking about an issue but at least now i can bersyahadah dengan yakin bahawa sememangnya muhammad itu pesuruh Allah dan hanya Allah tuhan yang aku sembah, why is it important for me? because as I've mentioned in my previous posts, i don't wanna be a muslim because i was born as a muslim, if we can see how the sahabats' love towards Rasulullah, it is amazing, everyone knows about Abu Bakar and his story during their hijrah to Madinah, i am touched with his love, they are men but how can he loves Rasulullah and they are not gay? it's simply because of the love, love because of Allah, it's ukhuwahfillah, subhanaalh, i admire that. and if we still remember sumayyah's story, bilal and all, do u touched with their story? how they are willing to live in pain just because of Allah, this is what i am searching for, it's the believe, which is hard, very hard to get. if before this i am wearing tudung because i have to wear tudung, now alhamdulilah, i am wearing tudung because i want to wear, i believe in Allah and nobody can argue on it. i believe that most of the problems happen on this earth because of the believe, when the obstacles come and knock the door, how many of u s believe that it comes from Allah and Allah knows that u can handle it? how many of us know taht the answers for this are stated in Quran? how many of us prefer to look at the Quran to release our stress and find the strength? Allah keep on saying in the Quran, Allah tidak akan membebani manusia melebihi kesanggupannya,( i forget to count how many of them), yeap this is the sentence that we should remember, this is what i wish i can remember when i feel like giving up in my uni life, i always wonder what makes muhammad al-fateh strong? what makes him different and what makes him successful to conquer Constantinapole? even though he failed for the first time but he keep on trying and preparing for the best and at the end, alhamdulillah, i can't imagine how much his believe towards Allah, this is what i gained so far and i keep on searching and therefore i never had the regret for spending my time like this, even though i don't have the money( i am not working, doh!), even though i didn't have my driving licence yet(for car), and even though i failed to read all the facts on war and revolutions, i am not regret at all, at least now i am proud to be a muslim, thank you Allah for giving me this kesedaran, i believe that this is one kind of "hidayah" too... at least if i manage to live in next 50 years and my grandson ask me what did i do after my SPM, i can tell him all these without shame at all, yes, i am proud to be a muslim. i am telling you that it is amazing to read the translation, to read the experience how people get hidayah and all, it's amazing!!! i thank allah for all these things as i know that i will never have it again, thank you to DIA yang memahami dan dia yang tidak pernah menghampakan, i love Islam even though not as much as Rasulullah did, as i i know that it's growing,.... thank you to for meeting me with the right people, i don't know how did they know me but seriously, i am touched reading all the mails and messages even in the facebook, so who said that facebook is lagha? u can choose people!!!

i don't know what is happening with politics and all, lazy to think of it, i believe that this has something to do with the believe too, wake up people!!! i wonder why people is crazy about wealth and i just can't believe that wealth, money and women can actually drift u away from ur fitrah, away from Allah, think about it people, something need to be done to stop all this manipulations, bribe and all...

i read this blog, a 23 years old mother-to-be, ex-KISAS, i was touched when she wrote that around two months before her SPM, her ustazah called her and told her somebody wanted to marry her. don't get the wrong picture, i am impressed with the boy, 23 years old too, a very matured boy i believe, i never think of it before SPM, instead of coupling like others, he choose to marry this girl and the decision came before SPM, how ready and strong he is to hold the responsibility, this is what people that have the strong believe in Allah will do, but they got married when they were 21 lah, but i want u to understand his situation and his believe in Allah, seriously, even though i oppose early marriage especially if u're still students but i give exception for this case, i respect u brother, subhanaalah, thanx for giving me values and lessons to learn, ily because of Allah

i wish that i can write a post about kawan, sahabat and etc, sorry zafer, instead of mailing u, it's better to write apost je, senang, laterlah if i have the mood...

i seriously putting my future on Allah, something is wrong with the admission, adoiii, but never mind Allah knows better, if i can't go for it, i'll never forget G6, u're among the amazing friends that i have, too precious to describe, even though we met only for a few days, but i love the bonds that we have, may all of us will be successful... ameen

dym is having her exam and interview in this week, ganbatte ne, i pray for the best to u, if u can't make it, just believe that allah knows that japan is not good for u, he knows it better...

sorry to admit but i don't feel like meeting my friends, raihan is right, i just wanna meet a few. sorry guys, i wonder why i don't really miss u guys, same goes to the debate club, i am sorry, i believe that u don't need my help, i think my college life is a mistake, don't know, seriously, it's a mistake but i know he knows it better, it's a mistake but i learn a lot lessons that i can't never get if i don't go there, ukhuwah fillah...

lots of thing that need to be ponder in order for us TO SEE THE UNSEEN, if u're muslims, i urge u to read the translation and u'll get to see the unseen and if u're not muslims, try to get the translation and i believe that u can see the unseen,

may ALLAH bless all of us.... ameen

p/s: ignore all the errors even for my previous posts, malas to correct, sorry

result, future

Vegetoz-Kuatkan AkuOh Tuhan
kuatkan aku
Untuk lalui jalan hidup ini
Yang ku inginkan selalu
ada dalam ridhoMu
Berikanlah petunjukMu
Agar diriku tak tersesat
Untuk menuju surga
yang telah Kau janjikan
Ampunkan diriku
jikaSelama ini
hanyalah berbuat dosa
Tak sanggup diriku
bilaDi akhir hidupku
menanggung siksaMu
Aku hambamu yang lemah,
tak sempurna
Berlutut sujud dihadapMu

salam...

it's march, just can't believe, so many things that need to be done and da resultwill be out on 12, so many things that need to be read, 10 more juz' to read and 24 more to understand, i haven't finish the future of freedom and out of the tempurung, same goes to miscanception about islam and the doctrine of muhammad in bible, adoiiii!!! don't know what have i done but seriously i don't have any regret for spending my precious time like what i am doing, at least i understand life better and yeah, it helps me preparing myself for the atrocious world, don't know....

it's hard talikng about future, it's even harder to talk about ur capabilities, it's hard.. i know and i believe that i can survive, i mean dicampakkan ke any path, just that the different is either i have to struggle or not lah, but then i believe that i am somebody on this earth and i believe that allah created me for reasons and allah believes that i can do something to make this world a better place, that's what i believe, and because of that i am preparing myself to except for the worst, yeah. i can't do engineering(aeronautics specifically), i can't go overseas(study there lah, daa), and i can't go to matriks, ya allaah, god forbid but sometimes itulah pengajaran terbesar in you seperti mana penjara boleh menjadi sekolah terbaik bagi manusia, but seriously, living in this world, we can't never run from people's expectation, budak tkc study kat malaysia? and all those stupid questions, well... welcome to the adulthood chal, be matured chal, be prepared chal, life is not that easy chal and most important chal, he knows it better...

i know that he knows me better and diri ini telah aku wakafkan ke jalanmu, one thing for sure i'll work hard no matter where i am, insha allah

yes chal, he knows it BETTER=)

p/s: it's 4th Rabiulawwal, i am 18, da same age that salahuddin was when conquering palestine, hang conquer apa aishah?)...... errrr????

dream, hidayah..

salam..

had a very nice dream last night, it's hard to describe, but i feel like being slapped, it's a wake-up call for me, if before this i read how dream can actually change people, now i started to belive it, hopefully.. one thing for sure, life after this will be totally different from what i've planned, may be i was too small to understand the real atrocious world, yes it is.. depress? yes, i am but i am telling myself to accept it full heartedly, things will never be easier, i just need to be better... there are so many ways to be better, to contribute to the ummah especially with my limited hands and the capacity that i have as a woman, i know he knows it better.. andai itu takdirnya, aku terima ketentuanmu, ya -Rabb., walaupun sukar, ampunkan aku dan elakkan aku daripada menjadi kuffar, i remember this book i read long time ago, sesiapa yang banyak berangan ialah kawan syaitan, i was telling myselg that i actually imagining not dreaming but i now i realised that i actually manupulate Islam to be in my way, ampunkan aku ya allah, aku khilaf... so many things need to be pondered,

yeah, things will never be easier, u just need to be better, thank you for waking me up Ya -Rabb!!!

i am free, at last!!!!

salam...

done with my TOEFL today, now only i feel totally release, da feeling that i never had even after i finished my SPM....alhamdulillah...

it started at 10 but i reached kdu, penang(the place where we did da exam) at 8.45.. before 8.20 cleo texted me that he is there, awal gell.... and when i reached there, i saw amir is there tooo. so, after hi!!! and what are u doing now session, we talked a lot until syed arrived with his new airdo which really remind me dekat abg habib!!! alamak, cukuplah seorang abg habib in my life but i think i have the second one, sacrastic in his own way but thank god u are "cute", so i just think that syed is actually like kids yang suka cari pasal, nasib you lah syed hahaha.... btw, he's a drummer from VI and he's going to Italy for marching band competition in july!!! congrats lah, u memang ada muka drummer pon..... so syed asked me about my certificates, i sent the original to tamu... so, again, telan yo lah ur gelak tu and he told me that he has two aunts from tkc, and guess what his aunts said? budak tkc memang macam tu, i was like? what? but i understandlah, may be da kerek thingy and jaga pride kot but i think i talk to them jugak, i was not quiet just that i don't talk toooo much and we have just met, i mean a few months je kot, lepak lah!!!! but the good side about him, no offense girl!!! i was smiling and said, never mind, we are used to it....hahahaha

we talked a lot of thing and cleo said that tamu actually has this flying club where u can actually get ur Private Pilot Licence(PPL) there and u'll learn da basic things about flight and it is yours, i mean u can fly the air craft on ur own anytime that u like an u just have to pay 56 US dollars per month, it's another wow!!! i'll joint it for sure, insha allah!!! then we talked about Berkeley and all, and cleo told us that we can stay overnight at his grandma's house in California, which will cause 10 days trip from Texas, i'll enjoy it...insha allah...

we met this guy from JOrdan, currently doing Ph.D computer scienece at USM, his English is fine eventhough there are a few questions that he didn't understand and we need to ask again. i forgot his name in Arabic but the meaning is thunder. and the good thing about this guy is he has two wives and he told us about it.!!! a candid muslim guy. and he said that malaysia is an islamic country and he feels safer and he thinks that his kids will grow up islamically, but he complained about the goverments employee, da time and money that he wasted because of this poor "relax"attitude.. he advised us to work harder in States as it is a country where u neeed to be hardworking and not like Malaysia where u can relax and all, shame on Malaysians and we apologized him for that. it is nice to talk to him lah. fatiah came in alone by flight, i wonder how she survived, congrats dear, i can't do it yet!!! Shah is fine, still in his weird attitude, da guy yang Syed selalu laugh to, don't know, may be he's like Nisa kot, but he's nice and he's doing his business, selling e-bay products online and he's making a lot of profit, more than RM1000 per month, another wow!!! everyone seems to have da x- factor but i am still clueless about my x-factor, hahaha

sue's article is out but i couldn't buy The Star, sorry sue!!! ur message came in late, i was doing my Toefl at that time, hahaha.. after went through the courses and exams, i think Sue actually desrves that scholarship, u suppose to be the one that get the sponsor, not me.. allah knows better, i guess but being in that circle makes me think, eventhough they are different from me, but the variety that leads to the chaos, it does!!! don't know when are we , G6 are going to meet again, may be in April when we will work with exxon, hopefully we can go offshore together, that will be surely memorable, hahaha... to u sue!!! saya bangga dengan anda, u're poetic my dear, keep it up!!! u are much more better than Dina Zaman, better ideas and better argumentations, write a book and i'll surely read it, u have better understanding on Islam rather than she does, i really mean it...i tak sempat baca does my head look big in this?, tak pe, later on i'll cari dekat bookstore, hopefully still ada...ameen

TOEFL is fine, da vocab especially. it's like english test in college, ok i guess!!! it's over and i don't care about it, i just have to pray for the seat in TAMU, hopefully, i can go by this september, sorry ma and abah, i have to go and i will not let it down, i have my own reasons and i believe that ALLAH understands me very well... whoever that is looking for the ideas on how does TOEFL looks like, u can ask me for the details, malas nak elaborate, hahaha

i received a parcel from Alexandria, it's da second parcel.... but this it's da Quran's translation, which i've been looking for a long time, it's in english yah!!! i am preparing myself for that and i am learning all da hukums and rukuns in english, yelah nanti mat salleh tanya why can't u apostate in Islam, nanti i was wondering what is apostate, it's embarassing and plus it will be good if i can come out with some of the verses in Quran, moga ada yang dapat hidayah...ameen., terima kasih buat dia yang memahami, hanya kesyukuran yang dapat dipanjatkan, dia yang tak pernah mengecewakan, dia yang sentiasa mengetahui. the first parcel ada books on misconceptions about islam and some more, very interesting. since i am totally free right now, i am using this time to understand fully, it is difficult to translate the rukun iman, islam, wudhuk and all in English but i am doing fine with it kot, hahaha...

this is my first post yang i lepak sikit and elaborate everything in details, u have da reason right for my inscrutable, vapid posts, i apologize u for that... and before i end, let's ponder this:
by time,
indeed, mankind is in loss,
except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience
(Al-Asr, 103)

m in love=)

salam...

hahaha, i admit that, m soooo in love with turkey, everything, the idyllic weather n scenery n also, da history....

i dunno, turkey has something to tell me, in fact before this i don't really know and care about it, the only thing that i knew is about sultan muhammad al-fateh n constantinapole, but now since i am having too much time, i know quite a lot, and yes m in love with turkey n turkish, why? simply because i believe that i can find da real me in turkey n i can meet another me from a turkish, crap, i know

so, here i am....dym, if u read this, i put the target in next 5 years, we have time to kumpul da ongkos and it needs to be one month, if ada rezeki, i want to have a house there so that, my next generation can marry a turkish...hahahaha

n since m a tea addict, urkey is da best place, farrah, if u read this, ada rezeki, insha allah, i post u one...ameen

jan, if u read this, i invite u there but i know i won't be a good tourguide, hehs

m praying that he'll give me a chance to gother...ameen

p/s: pray for my TOEFL on feb 22

kejatuhan sistem khalifha, bilakah akan kita jadikan iktibar?
a good question for a sleepless night....

he knows it better=)

salam...

honestly, i didn't gwt the targetted marks for SAT, i am depress and i never had such depression, shame on me. feel like bumping ,y head to the wall, hay!!! u're a tkcian and how can u get such result? u should be better than them but look now!!! shame on u aishah!!! that's what i kept on telling myself on da night but i just got a slap, suddenly i realised that for all this while, i was too busy thinking of my future, i asked him for everything, i mean depends on things that i think ae right but i forget that there may be some things that i think are right but actually are not, he makes me realise that, i need to accept it with open heart. with such result, we still can go to the uni, i mean , we are sponsored and they need us for the money, they don't really care about ou achivement but i don't wanna go there just because i am sponsored, it'll be difficult for me to catch up da lessons, engineering is not that easy, mechanical is hard!!! but cleo told me that during da first year, we'll focus on our study only since we don't have da a-level n all. i don't know, i scared of asking from him, i just ask for da best from him, he knows me better that i do. i am praying for the best, if we get the admission on august, it means that he knows that i can handle it beautifully, insha allah...
at least now i realise that i can't ask him what i want but i need to ask him to give n show me da right way, he knows it as he's da creator, thank you allah for giving me da lessons, mahalnya harga sebuah hidayah!!! i don't mind to get such result because i learn very big lessons behind it, thank you for showing me da right path, u never fail to understand me=)

i am helping syakeer with debate, n i helped shafiq too, they are at the camp for their NS, it's not a big matter but i suddenly miss debate, specifically bm debate... sorry guys if i don't help u much bcoz after months of indulging myself without facts, my critical thinking's abilities are getting worst but i love to help u guys, u make me think a lot, ily=)

something went wrong wif da family n i feel like being a lawyer, nut i can't. if they think they can play and anaiaya my family, you are wrong. if you think that we are nobody, you are wrong... u shouldn't discriminate others, hay everyone has his/her own rights ok?

m going for kpp test tomorrow, hoping for the best. it's kinda difficult to hafal all da acts but i'll try. i don't feel like having a licence yet, i am still young but my parents forced me, so i am going for motorcycle first as that's da one that i have confident, may be i'll have for da car in next 5 years, ameen.... i am a coward when it comes to licence, i know. hehs

so many things happening and i know i have to be matured, nothing comes easy in life but i know as long as i remember and ask for da strength from him, he'll alleviate my path=)

i am going to be a human soon, insha allah=)