To tetuan asmaa' :P

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

I am writing this to semaa' my chum.

It was the first day of Shawaal that Allah dragged my sights to this

And I paused. It took me a while to think on the book before I decided to read it back. I was just so curious to know why did I was so into the book.

Reading the book, going through chapters by chapters dragging me back to the year 2008, the feelings and the soul that I had that we shared together. I read the book with a big wonder, what does the book has that you and I was so into it.

It was in the 2nd shawaal that tears dropped after I finished the book. Alhamdulillah, Allah made me remember on the feelings and dreams that we shared together.

The book taught me and you to do things because of Allah. I remember our conversation regarding the book.

"i was speechless. It just so deep".
"indeed kan ? I feel that crazy. How can you do something because of Allah ?"
"and it's just that chal. Purely because of Allah".
"and u sacrifice even ur feelings. It's so deep".
"betul betul. It's about time. The world is so corrupt. And we gotta play our role".
"we can make the changes. To bring back people to Allah. To turn Malaysia to an Islamic country and to make Muslims really practice Islam".

And u made this drawing.

And I sat for my spm with that desire, desire to change the people. And I still keep the notes that u wrote to me before we left college.

4 years had passed my chum and alhamdulillah I'm glad that I'm moving towards our dreams. At times when I lost, i'll drag my soul to the days that we shared our thoughts. And Allah never fail to help me reminiscing the days, the dreams and most important the soul that we shared.

And I do hope that u too is stepping towards our desire. We are youths, and growing up is not easy I'm telling u. Things are hard, at times I fall but later I know that I have to keep on moving. At times, I do go astray, often I remember the "smallness" that we feel. And Allah is there guiding and keeping me to the right path. I am sure that Allah is taking care of us. He is the best protector after all. It's Faith :)

The next year I come back, it'll be 5 years. I feel so fast, yet me myself is not growing. We do have big dreams mate. We really wanna bring the changes. And the changes start from us.

I do hope to see u, to enlighten our souls and plan for bigger dreams. May Allah allow us so :)

I love you because of Allah,
chal

and it goes on...

salam...

been a tiring day, slep during the whole journey.... n da day finally came, da day that m scared most... thinking and pondering on a lot of things..... and yeah, i had a nice dinner yesterday with makey, raihan and dym.... thanx for the day...

i miss my matriks life, the days that i was strong on inside but dunno what went wrong, i seem fail to see the unseen especially these few weeks.... and yeah, i keep on pondering and slapping myself to recall on my purpose of existence... the fact that m just an ordinary girl and how hard m trying to maintain my awareness..... and how hard m trying to go through this path, the path that i believe that i am destined to.... and how hard m trying to accept people around me, it's hard.... and i somehow pray that i can fly now, and now and end this journey ASAP but i know one thing when he decided to let me go through something, he knows that m capabled of dwelling upon it... insha allah..

i honestly dislike people to notify and recognize me somehow, but the fact that somehow there are people who believe in my capability especially to persuade people, it's hard especially when it comes to campaign and manifesto.... i definitely need to know people expectations and i definitely pray that i can still be myself without promising crap.... ameen... and i pray that he'll alleviate my path; leadership, academics, dunyah and akhirat... insha allah...

and people, life is hard, definitely and i believe that as long as we manage to see the unseen, we'll surely capable of surviving...

may allah bless u aishah

mereka :)

salam...

i hate to be in this abominable mood, god... help me!!!!

and well i miss my chums, my comrades and mates.... i know that i seldom say this and i even hate to reminisce all the memories but i think i need to say a few words, anda diingati dan dirindui... may allah allocate time for us to meet and talk, just talk....

shuhada-my mak cik
the only person who knows that i just need a listener not an advisor, miss our mid-nite talk, hahaha... i talked a lot, seriously.. the one who will just listen to my crap and now i suffer for not having her around, i need to talk mak cik, may allah render u with rahmah and patience... ameen

raihan- my comrade
the one that i care and love because of allah, we never had fight and i thank him because of that, the one that i can say it all-out, advises me, helps me, appreciates me, i love the honesty and the bond that we have, since we were 14, love u till jannah, hope we still have time to talk and advise each other...may allah also render u with good health, i know u're strong, insha allah..ameen

semaa'-my chum
the one that i always argue, hahaha... i miss the time that we had, we share dreams, hopes, ambitions and lots more.... u make me realise that life is not about u and i, it's about me,... i love ur determination, i admire it very much, u make me strong, seriously!!!may we can achieve our dreams and hopes, the person that keeps me aware and stronger to pursue my dreams, the one who knows why i choose to be an engineer, the one that i hope i can go to muslims country and overcome poverty, philantropists, insha allah....

dym-my buddy
the one that i can talk to, i don't know about our similarities but i believe that we share something in common, wonder is that... the one that knows my dreams and hopes to study abroad, the precise reason... the one that i show my "other" self, hope we both will succeed, ameen.... hope to meet u in front of kaabah, one day....

they are them, we were not close but we know that we are there for each other, i pray that allah will help us with our future, may we are the people who are going to bring back muslims glory... ameen

to my otherm mates, thank you for teaching and giving me lessons in life, directly or indirectly, thank you for everything, sorry to vex u, but i appreciate ur presence, i pray that allah will render all of us with rahmah and fullfill our doas that we "niatkan" because of him.... ameen

anda diingati... my GLADIATORS:)

truly,
chal

disgruntled

salam...

that's what i feel right now, betul ke chal?(told u that i never know how to describe my feelings)..
so many things came across my mind, adoiiii, :/ hard to describe but this time, yes, it's about future but no more engineering and medic, but it's about marriage, politics and bla..bla..bla...

drop the marriage part(m not gonna tell u now, hish under 18, hahaha)...i am not blaming my school and my friends, not the fate too, but i think it's the mentality, collegians even though we wish and work to be different from others, to put ourselves head and shoulders above others, we work and believe that we are up to the notch but the reality bites, i don't know, may be it's our capability as women(to bee =>) don't know, hard to explain but i think only the collegians understand it kot, the fact that we won't be the future leaders if we keep on behaving like who we were back in the college, i don't know, after 5 years there, seriously i didn't see too much differences between us and the outsiders, don't know, we are actually like them just that kita "perasan bagus" and our ability to do multiple tasks in one time, sorry guys, reality bites, i am telling u the truth, and if we want to talk about "pride", i don't think that we really care like the old collegians used to, i don't know something went wrong and may be we should blame the admin too, to talk about pride, i miss my juniors time when we really care about it, it's actually following the syariah just that since collegians are mostly liberal, we don't take it from da islamic side, don't know.... i think it had turn 360 now, too different, everything as for me i care about pride and stuffs, it's not that we are "kerek" , vain, arrogant or any words yang sewaktu dengannya, just that as muslimah, there are things that u need to really practise and care, islam has bringing us the light but we choose to keep on being in the dark, who to blame?, wait, i don't want to babble on this matter, i am still dangkal, daaa

the environment in merbah is different, if y want to see the young leaders in political arena, i think u can go koleq or other schools, haaa, this is my point today actually, adoiii chal, menyimpang sungguh!!! ok, i think this is because we girls kot, wait, don't get me wrong. well, being and living in the comfort zone, we were drifted to our own world when we think that we are "good", sorry guys, that's the fact. if i need to compare us with the outsiders, they are somehow better than us,(yang berguna jugaklah). we were busy condemning others, yelling them these and those, saying and "kerek" to things yang entah apa-apa until one stage when we are outside the college and mix around with new people that came from various schools, then only we realise our weaknesses, haaa, that's the thing. we were trained to handle multiple tasks at one time, and i think that this gives us the credit but remember guys knowledge and experience should come together, u should juxtapose them, i see this in malays too, sorry but i believe that i can actually see the future of malaysia by just looking at the teenagers and collegians, why because we are among the precious assets that the country has, but may be our "naluri keremajaan"( i use this term because it can helps u to iamgine the teenagers conflicts), drifting us to dream, keep on dreaming while others are in the reality, the real atrocious world. i don't wanna blame us because we are girls but my dearie, we can actually be whoever we wanna be, the future is ours if believe that it is, the world is ours if u know that it is but whatever it is, behave well and follow the syariah,(insha allah, i'll write a post about merbahians yang dah "idiocy"), that's all.. be realistic because i know we can survive, we are survivors, oh NO!!! we are GLADIATORS, standing tough, (but u need to move people).. all the best dearies, may Allah render us rahmat

to all gladiators, selamat pulang ke gagang on thursday, hope to see most of u, i am going tomorrow and hoping to meet makey on wednesday, banyak benda yang i have to tell u semaa', we can change the world, i know we can. redha dengan our result, don't look back, don't regret if u've done ur best but allah didn't give u what u really wanted open ur tafsir and search for sural al-baqarah ayat 216, u'll be greatly fine, i'll make a post on my "advise" cum bebel to all my dearie after the result, we'll see see what i am gonna write, hahaha... welcome to th adulthood, to the real world, may allah bless 140 of us and the altruism teachers

rahmat ALLAH bersama kita :)
chal

dizzy...

salam..

so many things that need to be shared but i am sad because i can't make it in BM, adoi... i just can't pull it out, so just a draft, never mind, i hope i can write a post in BM, it's da real BM, 100% BM... insha allah

nuryn and najie wrote(or may be mail) utusan a letter regarding the PPSMI thingy, obviously they are into it lah, support of course but i am sorry, i am proudly said that i oppose PPSMI, don't worry i am not jumud or mentaklik buta, i have my own stand and i did write an article about this thingy just that i malas to share it with others but if one day i think i have too, then I'll do it. as for me, i am learning from the past, from Turkey, from tulisan jawi and all. there are so many things that u can learn, i am not saying that those who are agree with PPSMI, do not read and learn from the past, NO!!! just that from what i read, none of the articles manage to even "goyahkan" my stand, i am sorry... but congrats to najie and nuryn for having the guts to mail utusan, even i myself are scared of posting and mailing something...

result is gonna be out on 12(people said)... it means it has been almost 4 months i am indulging myself, living in the comfort zone and all. i keep on asking what have i done for the past months, seriously, i still have 8 juz to khatam, 22 juz to understand, i didn't master my tajwid yet, didn't finish the misconceptions about Islam, out of the tempurung, the future of freedom and the doctrine of Muhammad in the bible, god!!!! banyaknya, i have to complete all these before the result is out, that's my target, impossible? i know i can do it, but i never regret with it? for all these holiday, i praise and thank Allah for giving me this time, when i used to "mantapkan" my faith on Islam, even though i can't came out with hadis and ayat Quran when talking about an issue but at least now i can bersyahadah dengan yakin bahawa sememangnya muhammad itu pesuruh Allah dan hanya Allah tuhan yang aku sembah, why is it important for me? because as I've mentioned in my previous posts, i don't wanna be a muslim because i was born as a muslim, if we can see how the sahabats' love towards Rasulullah, it is amazing, everyone knows about Abu Bakar and his story during their hijrah to Madinah, i am touched with his love, they are men but how can he loves Rasulullah and they are not gay? it's simply because of the love, love because of Allah, it's ukhuwahfillah, subhanaalh, i admire that. and if we still remember sumayyah's story, bilal and all, do u touched with their story? how they are willing to live in pain just because of Allah, this is what i am searching for, it's the believe, which is hard, very hard to get. if before this i am wearing tudung because i have to wear tudung, now alhamdulilah, i am wearing tudung because i want to wear, i believe in Allah and nobody can argue on it. i believe that most of the problems happen on this earth because of the believe, when the obstacles come and knock the door, how many of u s believe that it comes from Allah and Allah knows that u can handle it? how many of us know taht the answers for this are stated in Quran? how many of us prefer to look at the Quran to release our stress and find the strength? Allah keep on saying in the Quran, Allah tidak akan membebani manusia melebihi kesanggupannya,( i forget to count how many of them), yeap this is the sentence that we should remember, this is what i wish i can remember when i feel like giving up in my uni life, i always wonder what makes muhammad al-fateh strong? what makes him different and what makes him successful to conquer Constantinapole? even though he failed for the first time but he keep on trying and preparing for the best and at the end, alhamdulillah, i can't imagine how much his believe towards Allah, this is what i gained so far and i keep on searching and therefore i never had the regret for spending my time like this, even though i don't have the money( i am not working, doh!), even though i didn't have my driving licence yet(for car), and even though i failed to read all the facts on war and revolutions, i am not regret at all, at least now i am proud to be a muslim, thank you Allah for giving me this kesedaran, i believe that this is one kind of "hidayah" too... at least if i manage to live in next 50 years and my grandson ask me what did i do after my SPM, i can tell him all these without shame at all, yes, i am proud to be a muslim. i am telling you that it is amazing to read the translation, to read the experience how people get hidayah and all, it's amazing!!! i thank allah for all these things as i know that i will never have it again, thank you to DIA yang memahami dan dia yang tidak pernah menghampakan, i love Islam even though not as much as Rasulullah did, as i i know that it's growing,.... thank you to for meeting me with the right people, i don't know how did they know me but seriously, i am touched reading all the mails and messages even in the facebook, so who said that facebook is lagha? u can choose people!!!

i don't know what is happening with politics and all, lazy to think of it, i believe that this has something to do with the believe too, wake up people!!! i wonder why people is crazy about wealth and i just can't believe that wealth, money and women can actually drift u away from ur fitrah, away from Allah, think about it people, something need to be done to stop all this manipulations, bribe and all...

i read this blog, a 23 years old mother-to-be, ex-KISAS, i was touched when she wrote that around two months before her SPM, her ustazah called her and told her somebody wanted to marry her. don't get the wrong picture, i am impressed with the boy, 23 years old too, a very matured boy i believe, i never think of it before SPM, instead of coupling like others, he choose to marry this girl and the decision came before SPM, how ready and strong he is to hold the responsibility, this is what people that have the strong believe in Allah will do, but they got married when they were 21 lah, but i want u to understand his situation and his believe in Allah, seriously, even though i oppose early marriage especially if u're still students but i give exception for this case, i respect u brother, subhanaalah, thanx for giving me values and lessons to learn, ily because of Allah

i wish that i can write a post about kawan, sahabat and etc, sorry zafer, instead of mailing u, it's better to write apost je, senang, laterlah if i have the mood...

i seriously putting my future on Allah, something is wrong with the admission, adoiii, but never mind Allah knows better, if i can't go for it, i'll never forget G6, u're among the amazing friends that i have, too precious to describe, even though we met only for a few days, but i love the bonds that we have, may all of us will be successful... ameen

dym is having her exam and interview in this week, ganbatte ne, i pray for the best to u, if u can't make it, just believe that allah knows that japan is not good for u, he knows it better...

sorry to admit but i don't feel like meeting my friends, raihan is right, i just wanna meet a few. sorry guys, i wonder why i don't really miss u guys, same goes to the debate club, i am sorry, i believe that u don't need my help, i think my college life is a mistake, don't know, seriously, it's a mistake but i know he knows it better, it's a mistake but i learn a lot lessons that i can't never get if i don't go there, ukhuwah fillah...

lots of thing that need to be ponder in order for us TO SEE THE UNSEEN, if u're muslims, i urge u to read the translation and u'll get to see the unseen and if u're not muslims, try to get the translation and i believe that u can see the unseen,

may ALLAH bless all of us.... ameen

p/s: ignore all the errors even for my previous posts, malas to correct, sorry

m in love=)

salam...

hahaha, i admit that, m soooo in love with turkey, everything, the idyllic weather n scenery n also, da history....

i dunno, turkey has something to tell me, in fact before this i don't really know and care about it, the only thing that i knew is about sultan muhammad al-fateh n constantinapole, but now since i am having too much time, i know quite a lot, and yes m in love with turkey n turkish, why? simply because i believe that i can find da real me in turkey n i can meet another me from a turkish, crap, i know

so, here i am....dym, if u read this, i put the target in next 5 years, we have time to kumpul da ongkos and it needs to be one month, if ada rezeki, i want to have a house there so that, my next generation can marry a turkish...hahahaha

n since m a tea addict, urkey is da best place, farrah, if u read this, ada rezeki, insha allah, i post u one...ameen

jan, if u read this, i invite u there but i know i won't be a good tourguide, hehs

m praying that he'll give me a chance to gother...ameen

p/s: pray for my TOEFL on feb 22

kejatuhan sistem khalifha, bilakah akan kita jadikan iktibar?
a good question for a sleepless night....

he makes it easy for me=)

salam...
i thank HIM again for alleviating my path, my way. cleo called me to tell me that texas amu had called chalveen n told us that they didn't received any cover letter n etc. but the good news is our seats in texas amu are secured n guaranteed and now the most important thing is our result, i would kindly appreciate if whoever reads this will pray for my SAT, hopefully i can get min 2000 marks, i can't say that it is easy but i believe that he'll help me....ameen, my TOEFL will be on feb 22 and insha allah i'll do it well, credit to semaa', for helping me to buy da books, i owe u big again, thank you chum

da political crisis is getting worst, i got migrain yesterday because of this thing, dunno what to say, i think ustaz is right, i have my own stand but i tend to get influenced., hehs. well, i don't know what will happen and i can't say it further as i am still dangkal and that's why i pray that i can go to texas amu as soon as possible so that i can learn so many things. currently, m reading a book about da basic things in islam and the misconceptions. sounds childish, ain't? but i just have too, i need to understand everything from the basic, the pure thung without any influence, i don't wanna be a muslim just because i was born as a muslim, but i am a muslim because i choose to be a muslim, and that's me now, i choose to be a muslim..

so, let's pray together for my result, my SAT, hopefully i can go to texas by this august...ameen

texas, here i come=)

thank you ALLAH......:)

salam.....

so many things happen within these few days n m soooo tired.....in kl right now, coming for SAT classes which will start tomorrow...so, study again but thank God only maths n English....well, dym is out, out from da plkn...i had da instinct actually bcoz i remember da day that she told me that she does not want to go to plkn n i was touched with da reasons; i just wanna be with my family...after 5 years living very far from them, i just wanna be with them...seriously, i was sooo touched n alhamdulillah, at the end, she got offer from MARA for da japan program.....so CONGRATULATIONS....it's kinda hard, i know... i remember da time that we had talking about da scholarship n all especially in da bio lab...da place that i realised that we actually share somnething in common....deep down inside....i admitted that. we were planning to pray together for exxon, going to States together, upgrade our iman together, travel together to da Muslims country to upgrade our iman besides adding our knowledge about the addin, do umrah together, go to Olympics 2012 n to forget to go n watch Arsenal match together...but sadly, we can just plan but ALLAH knows better...knowing that, Dym didn't make it, i was sooo sad n promised her that i'll keep on praying for her n alhamdulillah, at the end, she got MARA...even though japan is not da place that she wanted soooo bad, but at least, going overseas n learn something there....
well, going overseas is not about da snow, skiing n etc. but for us, going there is about exploring da ALLAH's creatures, upgrading our iman n many more.....it's a challenge to practice da deen without people reminding u , without azan, without ustaz ustazah n etc...and i had make up my mind about it...i had to drop this now because i realize something running out from my eyes. I'll tell u about Dym later.....

i got phone call from MARA offering me for da japan program... i was shocked n in da same time, i thank ALlah for giving me so many chances..while others are busy loitering, working n indulging themselves at homes, i need to prepare for my SAt but i had no regret because that is what i was hoping for a long time. ijust wanna make it fast, fly fast, learning n working as soon as possible.there are so many things that i need to achieve within this short period. whatever it is, i need to let da offer to japan go because i'm going with exxon. even though we didn't sign da agreement yet, i had make up my mind about it n plus i just hate languages, seriously i do. i love da malay language actually but realising that my tatabahsa is so damn teruk until da teachers said that i can make my own tatabahasa, i didn't say that my english is good. that's why i'm hoping to go to States as soon as possible, mastering n upgrading my english especially da accent, then i wanna come back to malaysia to improve my BM. at that time, i'll write proper BM in this blog n i'll speak full Bm without any kesalahan tatabahasa...ameen...m working for it hardly.

that's all. seriously, i am really thankful to allah, he gave ne so many things but i am wondering, what have i done to him. it supposed to be give n take, ryte? it's a question that i need to ponder tonight....
let's remember ALLAH's nikmat for us n let asking ourselves, what have we done with all da nikmat.. have u said alhamdulillah for those?