indah

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

had a pre-hectic week last week, it wasn't hectic at all just that after long time of indulging and chilling out, He told me that i need a push, the time has come to get serious and mature... and nothing can makes me smile when somebody texted me that they'll be coming out to UK :)

alhamdulillah, Allah always knows how to cherish me up, after long coldness, i couldn't thank Him enough, their presence even just for very short time brings big difference to life, menyegarkan iman yang lesu...

i don't know, when i was in KMB, we were too busy writing and building people until i don't really have time with other people and live with them... my time was mostly with this little group of people that their presence had truly becomes my shoulders, the group of people that Allah made us met in this path and their absence is dearly missed. i really feel that it's dakwah that connects us together, we have nothing common at all, we are different definitely, and we too have inferiority complex, things were so hard at first but alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for all the smiles, the pains and lots more that we went through... when somebody told me that it's extremely important for us too sit and leave together with other people not just to discuss about dakwah, i can't afford to agree because to me, i get connected to people only because of dakwah... i might not know this few people in details, i might not know what are their favourite food, but i know what are their favourite verses in the Quran... i might not know that they can't understand their studies but Allah always tell me that these people are not stable or they are futur,,, and i live my life that way, i find sweetness in that relationships cause we are tied by aqidah and even special by heart.. i know that i don't have them around always, and sometimes we could just smile to each other from far, having eye contact from far cause we can't afford to go near and let our heart out, but that glance of eyes is telling me something, and that touch and grip when we salam means so much to me... we might pray at different time and place but i know that we are saying the same thing to Allah... they might not know that i was sleeping in the class but i know that they are praying to Allah so that i can focus in class... and i might not understand how hard physiology and anatomy in but they know that i ask Allah to alleviate them...

and although physically apart but we are soul-ly connected.. and all the nikmah come from Allah

when i had the chance to spend my time with them as human, i feel awkward, because i never ad before, i started to think on differences that i should have when i claim that i now is having tarbiyyah, tarbiyyah means difference, i don't know, when we are not busy working for the big things, little things will make us busy... i always wish to spend time with my friends, sitting together, eat and drinks and pour our hearts out, but often i reminding myself that ummah needs us more, but i forget that i am just a human, and they tooo...

untuk awak,
we might not say much, but i know the face, the reactions, the grip and the touched. Allah is telling me that we need personal time, just the two of us together. may Allah give us that chance, even if we do not have, ui am sure u know that we have Him, that smiles from you is motivating, telling me that u're struggling and u're not doing nothing. have faith dear, super strong faith, keep running towards Him..

untuk mereka yang Allah temukan kita di jalan dakwah,
we might not have time to spend together because ummah needs us... have faith, have Him, jagalah Allah, nescaya Dia akan menjaga kamu...

even we are apart, we become one in prayer

i miss everyone, people that come in my prayer, in my dreams but here is where my battle field... ini bumi yang Allah pertanggungjawabkan to me, and this is where the battle begins...
the time will come for us to sit together on the dipan, chilling out, smiling, laughing, laying on the green grass, staring on the blue sky, with Rasulullah and sahabahs you guys and others by my side...

dalam dakapan ukhuwwah,
aishahabdulhalim
warwick, UK

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

tsabat

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

may all of us in good iman and health

i don't know, it was a few days ago that i paused and reflect; do i really want Allah?
and that question made me ponder for the whole day and i can't do anything on that day,, do i want Allah? do i really want Allah? i don't know, living here, with so many things different and free from Malaysia, without parents, good friends, naqibah what more bi'ah, i could do all the things that i want but seldom i asked myself, is it really iman that keeps me sane? or actually the culture and norms that i used to?

do we really want Allah? not need, but want; 2 different things... we seldom feel need, unless we are at the bottom most level of life, but want is a very challenging feeling, do u really want Allah even when u feel really sleepy and u have good bed and duvet to sleep? do u really want Allah if u could spend money travelling the world rather visiting friends in this path? do u really want Allah when u have all the good food, drinks and lots more?

do u really want Allah; what does ur heart said? ironic, when actions and mouth don't go together... but that is often right? put aside the da'wah part, we are not even Muslims at heart even we are busy updating our status on FB or telling our Kuffur friends that we are Muslims...

i don't know, when Allah said, submit not just yourself, but also wealth and soul, i couldn't afford not to agree that y soul is not fully belong to Allah... i can't deny that even i bow my head down whispering Allah..Allah..Allah, but my heart doesn't collaborate, and i couldn't deny that there are still lots more thing to improve... we are busy telling people about Islam, reading books about Islam, travelling here and there visiting heritage and cultures left by Islam once but we are actually nothing, our heart are empty, we are doing all those stuff for the sake of our nafs, Allah is not in our hearts when we are busy snapping pictures when visiting Spain, Turkey etc, Allah is not in our heart when we read books, even worst Allah is not in ur heart when we are busy talking about Islam

astaghfirullah,,

ya Allah,
u know what's in our little heart,
it's still too far; to submit ourselves fully to Allah,
but i bet u,
to still keep us on this path
to still guide us on ur way
tho we are nobody
tho we are just little tiny creature
but we Want YoU
We need You

and i am a slave to You,

dear Allah,
i am weak

p/s: hati ini milik Dia
i hope u see the unseen