tsabat

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

may all of us in good iman and health

i don't know, it was a few days ago that i paused and reflect; do i really want Allah?
and that question made me ponder for the whole day and i can't do anything on that day,, do i want Allah? do i really want Allah? i don't know, living here, with so many things different and free from Malaysia, without parents, good friends, naqibah what more bi'ah, i could do all the things that i want but seldom i asked myself, is it really iman that keeps me sane? or actually the culture and norms that i used to?

do we really want Allah? not need, but want; 2 different things... we seldom feel need, unless we are at the bottom most level of life, but want is a very challenging feeling, do u really want Allah even when u feel really sleepy and u have good bed and duvet to sleep? do u really want Allah if u could spend money travelling the world rather visiting friends in this path? do u really want Allah when u have all the good food, drinks and lots more?

do u really want Allah; what does ur heart said? ironic, when actions and mouth don't go together... but that is often right? put aside the da'wah part, we are not even Muslims at heart even we are busy updating our status on FB or telling our Kuffur friends that we are Muslims...

i don't know, when Allah said, submit not just yourself, but also wealth and soul, i couldn't afford not to agree that y soul is not fully belong to Allah... i can't deny that even i bow my head down whispering Allah..Allah..Allah, but my heart doesn't collaborate, and i couldn't deny that there are still lots more thing to improve... we are busy telling people about Islam, reading books about Islam, travelling here and there visiting heritage and cultures left by Islam once but we are actually nothing, our heart are empty, we are doing all those stuff for the sake of our nafs, Allah is not in our hearts when we are busy snapping pictures when visiting Spain, Turkey etc, Allah is not in our heart when we read books, even worst Allah is not in ur heart when we are busy talking about Islam

astaghfirullah,,

ya Allah,
u know what's in our little heart,
it's still too far; to submit ourselves fully to Allah,
but i bet u,
to still keep us on this path
to still guide us on ur way
tho we are nobody
tho we are just little tiny creature
but we Want YoU
We need You

and i am a slave to You,

dear Allah,
i am weak

p/s: hati ini milik Dia
i hope u see the unseen