m.u.r.a.b.b.i

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

It took me quite a long time to accept islah as a way of bringing back the ummah to its place. We were exposed to sentiments more than its root. I know and of course admit that it is way easier to talk than to walk your talk. Understanding and embracing tarbiyah has helped me to not just talk, but walk for the solutions. I can now say this confidently, murabbi is one of the solutions to the ummah's problems. 

and murabbi is really a job! It takes your life. It is hard, putting aside your feelings just because you have to entertain your mutarabbi's. and yes, you are talking about feeling. and yes, they don't know and may be don't even care what you are feeling at that time. You might be tired after long hours of midnight meeting/qadaya on their daurah, stress working on a programming assignment, depress with thermodynamics test result and many other emotions that you are feeling. Yet, you have to keep smiling, pretending that you are good, and everything is in good hand. Things get even heavier when you know that your mutarabbi is doing something against syariah, and you feel the responsibility for them doing that. It might be because you never talk to them on that, may be you didn't give dalil to justify your statement, may be it wasn't the right time. And your mutarabbi don't even bother that you are care for them, and you really want them to understand and practice the deen as how it should be. and they might not know that you really want to be in jannah together, yes with them included.

Harus, di mana kenikmatan dakwah bila semua yang ada adalah beban dan tanggungjawab?

1- wahai orang yang berselimut!
2- Bangunlah pada malam hari kecuali sebahagian kecil
3- separuhnya atau kurang dari itu
4- atau lebih dari itu, dan bacalah al-Quran itu dengan perlahan-lahan
5- Sesungguhnya Kami akan menurunkan perkataan yang berat kepadamu
6- Sungguh, bangun malam itu lebih kuat, dan lebih berkesan 

(al-Muzammil)

kekuatan dan kenikmatan itu pada dua perkara; Quran dan qiyamullail. Nikmat merasakan Allah sedang berbicara adalah satu nikmat yang terlalu bermakna dan agung untuk tidak dikongsi bersama. I feel Allah is comforting me, holding, hugging and guiding me through the stories of anbiya'. At times, He warns me just to keep me on track. And I feel selfish if I don't share that with others. Qiyamullail is something that I can't afford to not to have. Nikmat berada di jalan Allah bila kita memahami Quran, pada perngaduan kepada Allah dalam sujud yang panjang. Pengaduan mengenai kepenatan kita pada perjuangan yang tak pernah henti, kebuntuan untuk membimbing mutarabbi, keinginan kita pada kerehatan yang abadi, ketidak mampuan untuk membantu mereka di Gaza. Benar kata Sayyid Qutb, hidup di bawah bayangan al-Quran adalah nikmat yang meluhur, membersih dan memberkati. Moga Allah terus mengurniakan kita semua kenikmatan membina manusia, bersabar menghadapi kerenah mereka, kerana hakikatnya kita membina diri kita sendiri.

10- Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Mahukah kamu Aku tunjukkan suatu perdagangan yang dapat menyelamatkan kamu dari azab yang pedih?
11- kamu beriman kepada Allah dan RasulNya, dan berjihad di jalan Allah dengan harta dan jiwamu. Itulah yang lebih baik bagi kamu jika kamu mengetahui
12- niscaya Allah mengampuni dosa-dosamu dan memasukkan kamu ke dalam syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai, dan ke tempat-tempat tinggal yang baik di dalam syurga 'Adn, itulah kemenangan yang agung
13- dan karunia lain yang kamu sukai, pertolongan Allah dan kemenangan yang dekat. dan sampaikanlah berita gembira kepada orang-orang mukmin

(as-Saff)

nikmat penghapusan dosa itu lebih utama dari kemenangan yang dekat. Moga dalam kita sibuk membina manusia, kita tak lupa membina diri kita. moga penghapusan dosa kita yang terlalu banyak dan berat menjadi motivasi untuk kita lebih gigih membina manusia. Nikmat diselamatkan dari jurang neraka adalah satu nikmat yang terlalu besar, moga Allah terus memilih kita menjadi penyelamat ummah. Moga kenikmatan dakwah ini kita rasai pada Quran dan Qiyamullail dan pada mutarabbi yang benar-benar ingin bersama kita dalam jalan ini.

Sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

ان معى ربي سيهدين

20- Dia berkata, "Bagaimana mungkin aku mempunyai anak lelaki padahal tidak pernah ada orang yang menyentuhku dan aku bukan seorang penzina!"

21- Dia berkata, " Demikianlah". Tuhanmu berfirman, "Hal itu mudah bagiKu, dan agar Kami menjadikannya satu tanda bagi manusia dan sebagai rahmat dari Kami, dan hal itu adalah suatu urusan yang diputuskan"

22- Maka dia mengandung, lalu dia mengasingkan diri dengan kandungannya itu ke tempat yang jauh

23- Kemudian rasa sakit akan melahirkan memaksanya pada pangkal pohon kurma, dia berkata, "Wahai, betapa aku mati sebelum ini, dan aku menjadi seorang yang tidak diperhatikan dan dilupakan"

24- Maka dia berseru kepadanya dari tempat yang rendah "Janganlah engkau bersedih hati, sesungguhnya Tuhanmu telah menjadikan anak sungai dibawahmu

25- Dan goyangkanlah pohon kurma itu ke arahmu, niscaya itu akan menggugurkan buah kurma yang masak kepadamu

(Maryam)
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61- Dan ketika kedua golongan itu saling melihat, berkatalah pengikut-pengikut Musa, "Kita benar-benar akan tersusul"

62- Dia menjawab, "Sekali-kali tidak akan, sesungguhnya Tuhanku bersamaku, Dia akan memberi petunjuk kepadaku"

63- Lalu Kami wahyukan kepada Musa, "Pukullah laut itu dengan tongkatmu". Maka terbelahlah lautan itu, dan setiap belahan seperti gunung yang besar.

64- Dan di sanalah Kami dekatkan golongan yang lain

65- Dan Kamu selamatkan Musa dan orang-orang yang bersamanya

(asy-Syu'ara')
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7- Dan Kami ilhamkan kepada ibunya Musa, "Susuilah dia, dan apabila engkau khawatir terhadapnya maka hanyutkanlah dia ke sungai. Dan janganlah engkau takut dan jangan bersedih hati sesungguhnya Kami akan mengembalikannya kepadamu, dan menjadikannya salah seorang rasul

8- Dan hati ibu Musa menjadi kosong. Sungguh hampir saja dia menyatakannya, seandainya tidak Kami teguhkan hatinya, agar dia termasuk orang-orang yang beriman

22- Dan ketika dia menuju ke arah negeri Madyan dia berdoa lagi "Mudah mudahan Tuhanku memimpin aku ke jalan yang benar"

24- ... "Ya Tuhanku, sesungguhnya aku sangat memerlukan sesuatu kebaikan yang Engkau turunkan kepadaku"

(al-Qasas)
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Putting myself in Nabi Musa, her mother and Maryam RA shoes, I can't keep my tears. He has been very nice to me.
Indeed, the help is so near!

P/s: Final exam for engineering is officially tomorrow! To You I surrender!

jaded? Bangun!

22- dan ketika orang-orang mukmin melihat golongan-golongan itu, mereka berkata, "Inilah yang dijanjikan Allah dan Rasulnya kepada kita". Dan benarlah Allah dan RasulNya. Dan yang demikian itu menambahkan keimanan dan keislaman mereka.
(al-Ahzab)
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39- Katakanlah, "Sungguh, Tuhanku melapangkan rezeki dan membatasinya bagi siapa yang Dia kehendaki di antara hamba-hambaNya". Dan apa saja yang kamu infaqkan, Allah akan menggantinya dan Dialah pemberi rezeki yang terbaik
(Saba')
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15- Wahai manusia! Kamulah yang memerlukan Allah; dan Dialah Yang Mahakaya, Maha Terpuji.
(Fatir)
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35- Dan mereka berkata,"Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah menghilangkan kesedihan dari kami. Sungguh, Tuhan kami benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Mensyukuri,

36- yang dengan karuniaNya menempatkan kami dalam tempat yang kekal, di dalamnya kami tidak merasa lelah dan tidak pula merasa lesu
(Fatir)
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To conclude:

4- Sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia berada dalam susah payah 
(al-Balad)

2- Yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Maha Perkasa, Maha Pengampun

*belajar susah? Memang itu pun, maka bekerjalah, dan teruskan bekerja, sebab things will never be easier, we just need to be better!
**final in 2 weeks time

فاذا فرغت فانصب

                                                                                                                السلام عليكم ورحمة الله
1- have We not expanded for you your breast?
2- and taken off from you your burden?
3- which passed heavily upon your back
4- and exalted for you your esteem?
5- surely with difficulty is ease
6- with difficulty is surely ease
7- so when you are free, nominate
8- and make your Lord your exclusive object

(al-Insyirah)
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Pada hari kembalinya Rasulullah s.a.w ke Madinah, Jibril datang kepada baginda pada waktu Zohor. Tatkala itu baginda sedang mandi di rumah Ummu Salamah. Kata Jibril: "Apakah engkau sudah meletakkan senjata? Sesungguhnya malaikat-malaikat belum lagi meletakkan senjata mereka. Mereka belum pulang lagi melainkan kerana hendak memburu kaum itu. Bangkitlah kamu dengan mereka yang bersamamu untuk menuju ke kampung Bani Qurayzah. Aku akan berjalan di hadapanmu menggoncang kubu-kubu mereka dan mencampakkan rasa takut dalam hati mereka" (Sirah Nabawiyah)

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140- jika kamu mendapat luka, maka mereka pun mendapat luka yang serupa. Dan masa itu, Kami pergilirkan di antara manusia dan agar Allah membedakan orang-orang yang beriman dan agar sebahagian kamu dijadikanNya syuhada. dan Allah tidak menyukai orang-orang zalim

153- ketika kamu lari dan tidak menoleh siapa pun, sedang Rasul yang berada di antaramu yang lain memanggil kamu, kerana itu Allah menimpakan kepadamu kesedihan demi kesedihan, agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu dan terhadap apa yang menimpamu. dan Allah Maha teliti terhadap apa yang kamu kerjakan

(ali-Imran)

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for all the blessings that Allah has given onto us, move forward! how could you wait and relax, when Rasulullah himself was admonished by Jibril! The trials, virtual wounds are just part and parcel of this life. Isn't that Allah reminded you in surah al-Mulk? and you will keep dwelling upon that, as you keep moving along this path.

Move, for that's why you are alive!

Move, for that's what Rasulullah and others had done!
Move, for that's where your destination has been set!

sebab berhenti maksudnya mati!

sebab harga sebuah kematian (kehidupan yang abadi) adalah pada sebuah kehidupan yang Hidup!

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: alhamdulillah, submitted my borehole thermal energy storage project. I should consider forming a team and working extensively on that, to help the Palestinians, Syrians and my fellow brothers and sisters

ammar ayyash

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

dengan meneladani Nabi s.a.w, seorang Muslim akan tergugah untuk melepaskan berbagai belenggu yang mengikatnya dengan bumi, agar ia naik ke kerajaan tertinggi di langit. (Tarbiyyah Dzatiyyah, Hasyim Ali A.)

Allah,
I am an imaginative person.
I wish for a soul that is free, so free, fully occupied with non but Allah.
I wish for the world to be manageable and fully utilized with my hands, not coming nearer than that.
Life is journey, it really is. Tarbiyyah speeds up the process. That is the ultimate goal.
I wish for times when I can perform my sujud in front of Allah, with my heart fully occupied with none but Him. sujud pembebasan that i dream for. and i pray hardly. that is the goal, and i am now in the journey moving towards that. and i know, as long as i keep on moving, He will lead me to the right path.

Dari Abu Hurairah, Rasulullah bersabda, “Akan masuk surga orang-orang yang hati mereka seperti hati burung” (Hadis riwayat Muslim) 

I wish for a heart and soul that can fly freely, far freely from this dunya.

Ya Allah, letakkanlah dunia di tangan kami, bukan di hati kami.

Ya Allah, get us together in Your Jannah, with the anbiya', solihin, syuhada' and with our loved ones.

I have to admit that indeed matlab is another language that I am struggling with. I should consider improving my Arabic and start learning Turkish instead.

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

huge space

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

i always have this question in my mind, how am I going to love a lot of people? i don't think i have such a huge space in my heart for me to love people. love means devotion, responsible, commitment and lots more. even worse, i don't really have a lot of time to whisper specific doa for specific people that i love. i just cannot because they are just many! embracing this summer with mindset as orang yang bakal ditinggalkan and we really count you, i know that i have such a huge task to work on soon, very soon! and i know that i cannot make that if i don't have them in my heart. and that occupies my mind. one of my prayer list for this summer is to learn to love a lot of people.
I saw Serial Cinta by Us Anis Matta during DW. and i know that i have to grab it. i just love the feeling of indulging myself with books, reading the thoughts, enjoying and indulging with the language, and swimming in the stories. Alhamdulillah, Allah answers my prayers. just what i need at this point of time! kekuatan jiwa!
i couldn't argue for much when he said erti cinta ialah memberi dan kita takkan memberi kalau kita tidak memiliki. so, where do you get the love from? Allah! the stronger the kekuatan jiwa you have, the stronger the love that you can give! cinta ialah memberi, memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan. memberi sampai orang tu rasa diberi dan walaupun tak diberi balik, cukuplah Allah maha Pemberi!
Allah! i just couldn't keep the feeling! now i know!
now only I understand when ISHAB said kita menawan mereka dengan kasih sayang. it's a pure love i am telling you. love of the ummah to help them saving their life from hell fire, and it just a matter of love!

and while sending choy off, we discussed this topic together with auni.
i am telling you that to give is just so dahsyat! i cannot deny that i need some space for my own, just to recharge. "kadang-kadang aku tak layan anak usrah aku sebab waktu tu aku tak mampu nak bagi. dan aku banyak diam dengan diorang. sebab aku tak tahu apa nak bagi", somebody said. and me too most of the times would laying down with my eyes glaring up high, searching, bulding and recharging the strength! i cant stop tears running. it is indeed a huge responsibility and love and therefore deserves big heart! ya Allah, help me with that!

to love is to give!

ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon kepadaMu agar selalu mencintaiMu, mencintai orang orang yang mencintaiMu, dan amal perbuatan yang dapat mengahtarkanku untuk mencintaiMu. ya Allah, jadikanlah cintaku kepadaMu melebihi cinta pada diriku, keluargaku dan melebihi air yang menyejukkan. (HR at-Tirmidzi)

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

SALJ!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

 

I am writing this to myself and you. It's been months since I last write. That reflects how drain I am, perhaps.

 

It's been snowing for 5 days, since Friday. It stops for a while. I walk on the snow while some are still falling. I look out the window from my room, and that tiny little drops mesmerize me. Snow is not the reason why i am here. really! That contributes to why I wasn't that exciting since my first snow. But when that little drops keep on coming, I strongly believe that Allah is teaching me something. something that i try to find even until now.

For the first few days of snow, I keep on thinking on what do I learn from the snow. i gotta walk to university. It's slippery. It makes the journey even harder. I was whispering through out my journey, Allah is teaching that no matter how atrocious life is, life goes on. I have to go on. I have to keep on moving. Regardless of the unfavourable weather, the cold, the slippery pathways. LIFE GOES ON!

My stance was changed on Friday. I got out early in the morning for group discussion. Striving to be there as early as possible but 20 minutes late. the discussion wasn't that satisfactory. I was about to pack my stuffs and leave for the Friday prayer. It's been months since i last sit down properly, listening to the khatib. My group mate told me that classes are cancelled. I was smirking. Thinking and pondering. I walked into the prayer hall, listened to the khatib. I felt tranquil. khutbah ended and I knew that the tough journey home started. Allah! the snow was heavy, I walked full hearted. The traffic was terrible, and for the first time in my life here, I saw traffic jam from university to home. Everyone was looking at  me weirdly. Very few people walked in the snow because people don't walk in heavy snow!. The snow was thick. I keep on walking. tired! slippery! as I moved, my mind kept thinking.  I never thought that university and city would be paralysed just because of snow. It is tiny. But they are not. Seeing that little drop, I wouldn't expect that little drop when unite could drive human paralysed! serious. I kept walking. It is surprising that finally human admitted their weaknesses and surrender the nature. and I wonder, if people can follow nature, why can't they surrender to the creator of nature?

"akhirnya manusia tunduk kepada alam,

mari tunduk kepada Tuhan pencipta alam"

people started posting pictures on facebook. I got annoyed may be. some started sharing this verse.

"Have you not seen how God drives along the clouds, then joins them together, then makes them into a stack, and then you see the rain come out of it? And He sends down from the sky mountain masses (of clouds) with cold hail in them, striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills. The brightness of His lightning almost blinds the sight."
(The Qur'an, 24:43)

alhamdulillah, people realised that the snow is from Allah. no, I'm not going to repeat what others have said. i just want to highlight " striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills"

Going through the verse again and again, Allah allows me to ponder. He lets the snow strike me with His wills. That is a true reminder! it is His wills for me to witness snow. It is His wills that keeps me living. It His wills that makes me who i am today. And with His wills, to Him i should return.

That's the biggest lesson i learn from MR. Salj. Amazing how that little drop is actually from His wills, and even mesmerize when every tiny little drop that i see is in His accordance.

thank you Allah for the biggest, beautiful lesson. i know that You want me to keep in remembering You through Sunshine and snow, come thunder and strong wind.

from You i came, to You i shall return, and may You give me strength to live in the present for You...

ya Allah,

may every little whitey drop that You are sending, improve my iman and make me closer to You and be among the believers.

sungguh. tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

 

p/s/s: iman itu licin macam salji tak?

one soul

Allah.

i am writing this to myself. it's hard. full stop. it's the 5th day after the clod pillar operation started. and it's been 5 days that now only my mind full of things happened in Gaza. i was so into that before i decided to focus my work to build the ummah. it's hard to really have faith that this is my battle field. the fact that they don't need my presence there and the ummah here needs my presence. Allah. i try hard to believe in that but often i fail. i can't study. i feel hard to sleep. the thoughts on them are overwhelming me. i feel them. i feel me. we are just a soul. Allah. news and updates coming in and i just can;t afford to ignore. waiting for something uncertain. i don't know what do i hope actually. i am emotional, i know. but it just that. i know that i should plan hard. work and plan rationally while hoping for a better tomorrow. Allah. i know that their prayers are with me. for me to stay here and do my work as what i supposed to. Allah. i am clear and certain on what i am doing. why am i taking engineering. why am i studying Arabic. Insha Allah. i am certain about that. i try hard to believe. i try hard to work hard and have greater faith on what i am doing. even my battle field is full of wealth, i try hard to fight even though far from equal from them. Allah, to You i surrender myself. to You i hope for a greater faith. to You i pray for greater strength form me and for them to keep fighting for al Haq, wherever we are. Allah. let me and my generations be part of the liberation army from the invasion of Kuffar, wherever we are!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

to-work-on

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

in the night of 24th Ramadhan. i can't never thank Allah enough fo rgiving such a nice feeling about Ramadhan. i don't know, it's hard to describe. welcoming ramadhan with too many things to juggle and with "nice" weather here in Malaysia, i have mix feelings towards Ramdhan. only Allah knows and may He forgive me for that.

the first weekend home after 5 weekends away. masha Allah. i don't know. there are just too many things to think on. it wasn't many, it might be just 5 or 6, may be up to 10 but that things are not just tiny. Allah knows where best to put His servants. all the things in mind need details. i can't just think, but to work on the details, and i can't just work on the details but to think further on the implementation. and i struggle that a lot. trying my best to co-relate each things because they are seriously related. trying my best to give the best that i can. ya Allah, help me for that.

living home with family around, u just can't run away from indulging with the thougths, worries and concerns that they have. i'm trying my best to understand how things work. trying to recall on how i used to be before i was 13. too bad that i can't. i am sorry for that. i hope changes are for better.

having friends around are something that u need to fully utilise. this is the part on which i fail the most. i am sorry for that guys. reaching malaysia without informing anybody and went to Kl few times without meeting anyone, i am sorry for that. my bad. i'm trying to work it out. been home since the end of June without old friends around home not knowing that. i am sorry again. i try to fix in, biiznillah

and the list goes down i believe. none could come and force me to think only on a thing because i just can't. it just me and the way i think. how i wish i could concentrate on things and start to focus but i am sorry that i can't. i am trying my best to work on things that i see and capable of doing. still coping to put things into order.

and one thing that i wish that i can get rid and people always forget, i was in Bukit Merbah for 5 years. i might abke to get rid on things that i feel not right but i just couldn't let the good things go away as well. i were trained i am telling you. PERFECTIONIST! especially on works. and i'm struggling for that, a real struggle because MUSLIMS are near to perfections because we have Allah. and i know how do i work.

i am bit left with current issues. i seek Allah's forgiveness for that. still merangkak to get myself on track back especially on Palestine, Muslims, politics, economies etc. keeping things updated and not just update but analyse.

and u expect me to be an engineer when there are just too many things to put in order?

"i can't never see u as engineer. trust me, u're borned to be somebody" -Raihan Jan

and ma and abah got shocked when i told them, "i don't know what should i be later"

and i choose to let things flow :)

after all, worries not. i am enjoying every little tarbiyyah that Allah is teaching :) i am happy for all those. and i am glad for those :)

and i pray that i will meet Allah with my heart full of His blessings and me too is bless to meet Him.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

h.u.m.b.l.e

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

i do wish that u can write individually to every person that i want, writing purely from my heart, comforting them with Allah's verses and motivate them to keep going. i do hope that i can be there when they want me to be there. but later i realise that i just couldn't. i am writing this to you, yes to you. to share something that i really hope from my heart and i do pray that Allah will deliver this to you.

whenever someone is overwhelming with problems, i always remember one of the usrah session that i had with my murabbi. the sessions that i went through had helped me much to be who i am today. to keep me strong, giving me a new perspective of life. and i would like to share, one of the new perspective of live that i've got, one of the refreshment that i've gotten with you, yes. with you. and i hope the verses Allah comfort u, and cool u down, strengthen your believe that u are never alone. Allah is there sister.

Katakanlah, "terangkanlah kepadaku jika siksaan Allah sampai kepadamu, atau hari kiamat sampai kepadamu, apakah kamu akan menyeru selain Allah, jika kamu orang yang benar!"
(Say: Tell me if the chastisement of Allah should overtake you or the hour should come upon you, will you call besides ALLAH, if you are truthful?)

(Tidak!), hanya kepaaNya kamu minta tolong. jika Dia mengkehendaki, Dia hilangkan apa yang kamu mohonkan kepadaNya, dan kamu tinggalkan apa yang kamu persekutukan.
(Nay, Him you call upon, so He clears away that for which you pray if He pleases and you forget what you set up)

dan sungguh! Kami telah mengutus kepada umat-umat sebelum engkau, kemudian Kami siksa mereka dengan kemelaratan dan kesengsaraan, agar mereka memohon dengan kerendahan hati.
(and certainly We sent to nations before you then We seized them with distress and affliction in order that they might humble themselves)

tetapi mengapa mereka tidak memohon dengan kerendahan hati ketika siksaan Kami datang menimpa mereka? bahkan hati mereka telah datang menjadi keras dan setan pun menjadikan terasa indah bagi mereka apa yang selalu mereka kerjakan.
(Yet why did they not, when Our punishment came to them, humble themselves? but their hearts hardened and the Shaitan made what they did fair-seeming to them)

(Al-An'am:40-43)

i cried the moment i went through the verses. in verses 40 and 41, Allah reminded us that to Him only do we week help. and He actually put two worse situations that He knows we would call upon Him, (siksaan dan Kiamat). and i really feel that Allah is actually smashing my hearts that i should be calling Him all the time, not only when tribulations come. and He strengthen our weaknesses that we are actually calling Him, only Him, why do we feel so strong when we are actually not?  and He continued the verses with stories about the ummat before us, whom Allah give them mehnah and tribulations for them to humble themselves. HUMBLE? ain't easy? that's the hardest thing that we can do.

Allah told us that Allah actually seize human with distress and afflictions so that human might humble themselves. admit that we are weak. admit that Allah the all power. admit that we are just His tiny helpless servants.

at times is life, we tend to forget that we have no power, no control on anything. we could work, plan but Allah is the best planner. and Allah actually longing for our prayers. He is longing for our cries, for our feeling of "smallness". when actually we feel that we are losers.

and when you and i do feel that we are weak, and we do admit that we are helpless, why did not we humble ourselves? why did not we cry for His help? why did not we ask for His forgiveness?

i am writing this for you and me, to cherish all the obstacles that we are going through. Allah want us to get closer to Him, then be close! Allah want us to be humble, then be humble!

i am reminding you and me, that this world is full of mehnah, that's it. then why don't we call upon Him?

Allah rindu mendengarkan
rintihanmu berpanjangan

wake up for our tahajud
and full it with tears
longing for Him
because to Him only we return!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

aishahabdulhalim

hold on

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

i am 21
and i do feel that i am old
i am trying my best to be 21
to be syabab like what the ummah dreams on
to be the best hamba like what Allah demanded
and to be the best dua't like what the Prophet did
and too many things coming in
this in
another thing in
and i am just too bad to put things on
everything lingering on minds
and i just hate to write it down
kerja nak bina ummah is not easy
and it is not pun
everything is not
and we choose which difficulty to indulge in
the one that u keep on suffering even till the Hereafter
or the one that u can have eternal rest later
this head is knocking
but working not
Allah
i do try my best to juggle things
to put things into order
to keep myself updated
and to keep everyone in position
and for the time that i fail
i am sorry
for the time that i forget
do remind me
for the time that i go astray
take me back
because i do misleading
i do mistakes
i am sorry that i am weak
but i am glad that i am weak
because from there i realise
that I have Allah Al-Qawiy
i have Him to hold on
hold on
it just a little bit more
stay calm
stay focus
stay organize
stay living

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

aishahabdulhalim

Live or Leave

penat

pancit

pengsan

tak larat

masalah?

bertambah!

berkurang?

tak pernah!

memang ini hakikat jalan menuju Allah kan?

problem come and rarely go

we try to manage people but the hearts cannot

we try to put things together

but end up not be

we try to sort things out

but end up not

we try to wake up

but later we fall many times

and the obstacles keep on coming

too many

too much

until we can't take it

and slowly we whisper

indeed! there is no power other than Allah!

wholeheartedly.

and slowly we smile.

dear Allah,

i am abdullah, ur slave....

may Allah bless

Allah!

a few things in my mid, but they are taking lots of spaces in my mind. i really need to sort things out. i miss Allah badly, and i truly feel that i am such His weakest creation. this is life, i have been wasting ages and i really need to utilise whatever time left now. changes are just so hard. the attractions are just so tremendous yet the imaan is just so little.

Allah,
U know how tiny and useless i am, and U know how terribly i need You. do guide me, help me to seek for ur taufiq, help me to keep myself on the right path. and help me to face all the hardships. i don't mind all these struggles, mehnah and tribulation as long as i have You.

Allah,
lots of things to be done. lots in the list to be improved. yet time is getting less and less. please, in this time left, help me to keep myself on the right path. help me to build and shape myself closer to Your beloved. and even if i fall; which i always do, please don't let me go astray.

i wanna see You. i want to be with You. i am longing for a date with You. do accept my wish to be with You.

Allah,
i am weak. and You are The strongest.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

J I N A K

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

i thought i am concious and aware with my surroundings, what more myself! but when my good friend said to me, "kita telah dijinakkan"! i paused! and i reflect! and i was speechless. indeed i am! indeed we are!!!

Tekad (A Tribute to Izzatul Islam)

Album : Ini Langkahku
Munsyid : Shoutul Harokah
http://liriknasyid.com

Kami sadari jalan ini kan penuh onak dan duri
Aral menghadang dan kezhaliman yang akan kami hadapi
Kami relakan jua serahkan dengan tekad di hati
Jasad ini, darah ini sepenuh ridho Illahi

Kami adalah panah-panah terbujur
Yang siap dilepaskan dari busur
Tuju sasaran, siapapun pemanahnya

Kami adalah pedang-pedang terhunus
Yang siap terayun menebas musuh
Tiada peduli siapapun pemegangnya
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk hanya ridho Illahi Robbi...

Kami adalah tombak-tombak berjajar
Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam
Menembus dada, lantakkan keangkuhan

Kami adalah butir-butir peluru
Yang siap ditembakkan dan melaju
Dan mengoyak, menumbang kezhaliman
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk jumpa wajah Illahi Rabbi...

Kami adalah mata pena yang tajam
Yang siap menuliskan kebenaran
Tanpa ragu ungkapkan keadilan

Kami pisau belati yang slalu tajam
Bak kesabaran yang tak pernah padam
Tuk arungi da'wah ini jalan panjang
Asalkan ikhlas di hati menuju jannah Illahi Robbi... 

 

i remember the first time i heard this song. i cried terribly. and i can't afford to sing. it was during mukhayam. and through out the mukhayam, i ask Allah for the strength, i pray that i can sing this song from the bottom of my heart. and i did. and the moment was priceless. and the song was actually my promise to Allah. our promise actually. did u all remember that?

 

and now, from the bottom of my heart, i would like to ask myself and u my siblings,

 

what is happening to all the panah-panah yang terbujur yang  siap dilepaskan dari busur?

what is happening to all the pedang-pedang terhunus Yang siap terayun menebas musuh?

what is happening to all the  tombak-tombak berjajar Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam?

 

moga Allah mengampunkan kita atas segala tindakan, himmah serta cita-cita kita untuk syahid pada masa kita bersama-sama dahulu andai dasarnya adalah atas semangat semata-mata dan bukannya iman.

 

i am saying this to myself and u that i love because of Allah,

 

at times, we complain that we have problems with Allah, our iman is sickening, ukhuwaah problem here and there. and we all believe that the root of all the problem is iman, but i wonder, what have we done to work for our iman? amal is the product of iman. we are busy thinking and realising that we don't contribute much to da'wah, but i wonder, what have we contribute to our relationship with Allah? if we really care about our iman, we will take extreme care on our mutabaah. i am asking myself and u that i love, when was the last time we have our tahajjud, when was the last time we fast? when was the last time we recite istighfar?how's our tilawah? how's our hafazan? people will fight for their iman, for them to complete their mutabahh because they know that is the rope that tie them to Allah. i feel with me and us, for the fact that we are lousy. 

 

it's about time to get serious with Islam. we are 21 sisters, we are not young anymore. we've been playing here and there, it's time to get back to jihad and da'wah. if we have been jinak for all this while, let's istighfar and be back. yes! be back.

 

jemaah is just something to help us. tarbiyyah should make us better, we are tigers sisters! we are not kijang!!! we have lots of potential, let them out, ummah needs them! 

 

i am saying this to me and myself! it's either we move together with da'wah or da'wah will leave us. stop giving excuses, if we do, let's pray that Allah will accept our excuses. we are not kids! we are rijal! we've been in tarbiyyah for quite sometimes, and yet we behave like we have never been. 

 

may Allah forgive us for our ignorance, for our childishness, for our stupidity. it's never too late sisters, NEVER!!!

 

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

20 + 1

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Allah! sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

in the 5th week of my Easter Break, weeks of searching and finding and ....

things are hard to describe, even i myself confuse. i know where i'm going and heading but i don't know where these people are bringing me to. and Allah grant me the feeling even though just mere of what Rasulullah felt when wahyu stop for months. and also what Nabi Musa felt when he longing for murabbi and bean his journey to find his murabbi. often i ask myself, isn;t just the complicated me, at times i am afraid if the egoistic me playing the role. i wish that the jahiliyyah part that i used to had, the ideology that i lived and fought for has been totally discarded. and whenever such things come, i can't afford to move on, i pause and reflect,...

and Allah always knows how to calm me down, to clear my doubts, He sent me, and us a murabbi, and alhamdulillah, from her i found the answer, i see the big picture, i know what's going on and i know that i gotta play the role.

at times, i say to Allah that i am just 21, and i don't really have someone who hold my hands and guide me step by step. i am just too young to be telling those people older than me, i am just one person, what difference can i make? i don't know, it's always this inner conflicts that keep me thinking and thinking and when i think, i always have this one look that disguise people i kno. and for that i prefer to keep myself away :p

i remember when i was young, i was addicted to ultraman, all types of ultraman, and silently i whisper to be among the team, not he ultraman but the team who always keep themselves aware with whatever enemies that have the intention to attack the earth. and i remember i once had this little fight with my dearest friend trying to comfort her that ultraman is a good movie, it's not crap.
and also when i was in standard 6, i had fight again with my friends convincing them that staying in hostl can help u to develop self esteem etc.
and when i was in Bukit Merbah, i took 2 years to adapt my teenage life.
and when i was in the debate team, i start to explore myself.
and the journey of exploring continued until i took my step to KMB.
and the peak was when i start to understand tarbiyyah.

and my murabbi simplifies my journey in very simple sentence : u're a thinker. u think, analyse and put things in order.

and she explained the hadith regarding solat asar di bani quraizah to me well, very well.

and i took a very deep breath, putting all the puzzles together, looking into her eyes, and i made a promise to Allah, that i won't give up.

21 might be young to some people, still very new to tarbiyyah, but the past generations proved us that 21 is the age of syabab. 21 means a big thing, usamah became the Jeneral when he was just 18, Sultan Muhammad was also 21, Hassan al-Banna was also 21, and lots more people become syabab when they were around that age.

i better stop looking at everything using the wrong glasses. i should start looking on things on Allah's point of view. i had became somebody and used all my potentials when i was in jahiliyyah and why shouldn't i limit them after i understand Islam. whatever things that Allah gives me is an amanah and it would be questioned later. what should i answer to Allah ?;(

lots more to explain, i try to be as good as i could, life without murabbi (or murabbiah) is caca merba. u just don't know how to put things in order. but that's what Allah wants me to learn. He knows me best, how to tarbiyyah me, how to slowly but deeply guide me.

i should open my heart to His language, to His signs, to His armies.

and i hereby declare that i should be reading asas-asas Islam, dasar-dasar Islam, raheeq maqtum and all the sahabahs stories AGAIN!!!! yes, again!!!

lots more to learn, and learning process should never jinakkan whatever potential that we have.

lets start seeing and viewing things with Allah's glasses.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia!!!

ya Allah! i seek for Your guidance and purification.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

indecisive

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

It's been a while since I lie to myself. I thought I can be strong, I am big enough to face the reality, but o can't deny that o am deeply weak. At times, we live, we work and we believe as what we hope we can, we wish and work for something that we believe. I thought I've found something that I've been searching for long, but later I realise that i know nothing. Most of the time, I believe that I do things because of Allah but later i doubt. I don't know. Life without guidance is insane. It is. And I live, I walk, and keep on living with hope that there will be light in some part of the world. And Allah will test, but He will never abandon us. But it just later that i realise that this black dirty heart is too weak that fail to read Allah's language and sign. For all this while, I tried, I tried to grow up, live my life as an adult, pretending that i am matured and ready to face and embrace challenges, but later i realise that i am nothing. I thought i have something but sooner I know I have nothing.

Ya Allah, I pray, whatever tests that u're putting on me, I bet u, please. Don't let me go astray. I can't afford to lose You. Even when You are taking the whole world from me, please, don't take You from me. Tho it sounds like I'm about to die, please keep me living. I am too weak, and i seek for purification.

amalgam

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

i was once felt that i've found what i've been seeking for long. i was later realised that i have finally found something that i will dedicate my life for. later i found the answers to all the questions that i've been pondering. and life was completely amazing. i smiled, looking on the stars, whispering, dear Allah, i've found you. and life was completely changing, i totally indulge in the life. alhamdulillah :)

bu later, when my sujud is no longer fill with tears, and i walk pass non-Muslims without whispering any doa, and look up for the sky heartlessly, i know that i've lost something. and that loss is a big loss, a total emptiness. Allah always love to keep us on the track. and He will do any test just to get us back on the track. those sahabahs and scholars, they too felt the something, but they fought, they lose, and they fought until they win. so do me, and us. life is tiring, it is. and i do wish that i can be in jannah soon, i can't wait to live happily without havng to struggle hard, and deal with people that gives me not just headache but even worse heartache. but the time and chance that Allah give me and us to survive in this world for a while should not be taking for granted. keep oving on. just move. keep on moving by all means, and praying, and force our hearts crying, longing for a purified heart, reciting the Quran whole-heartedly, remembering the hadith and practising them and live life in Allah's accordance. things are not gonna be easy, but Allah is listening, and He is monitoring, beong with us all the time. and we all should be shameful, for having the laziness, coz Allah never fail to give us a lot of nikmahs.

and we should all move by all means. may Allah keep guiding and opening our hearts for His path. may i fpund what i've loss, coz life means nothing without Him. indeed!

ya Allah,

this heart is sickening, and filling with the black dots. i seek for Your purification, forgiveness, and guidance.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

kehidupan. aku mahu terus hidup dan menghidupkan.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

indah

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

had a pre-hectic week last week, it wasn't hectic at all just that after long time of indulging and chilling out, He told me that i need a push, the time has come to get serious and mature... and nothing can makes me smile when somebody texted me that they'll be coming out to UK :)

alhamdulillah, Allah always knows how to cherish me up, after long coldness, i couldn't thank Him enough, their presence even just for very short time brings big difference to life, menyegarkan iman yang lesu...

i don't know, when i was in KMB, we were too busy writing and building people until i don't really have time with other people and live with them... my time was mostly with this little group of people that their presence had truly becomes my shoulders, the group of people that Allah made us met in this path and their absence is dearly missed. i really feel that it's dakwah that connects us together, we have nothing common at all, we are different definitely, and we too have inferiority complex, things were so hard at first but alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for all the smiles, the pains and lots more that we went through... when somebody told me that it's extremely important for us too sit and leave together with other people not just to discuss about dakwah, i can't afford to agree because to me, i get connected to people only because of dakwah... i might not know this few people in details, i might not know what are their favourite food, but i know what are their favourite verses in the Quran... i might not know that they can't understand their studies but Allah always tell me that these people are not stable or they are futur,,, and i live my life that way, i find sweetness in that relationships cause we are tied by aqidah and even special by heart.. i know that i don't have them around always, and sometimes we could just smile to each other from far, having eye contact from far cause we can't afford to go near and let our heart out, but that glance of eyes is telling me something, and that touch and grip when we salam means so much to me... we might pray at different time and place but i know that we are saying the same thing to Allah... they might not know that i was sleeping in the class but i know that they are praying to Allah so that i can focus in class... and i might not understand how hard physiology and anatomy in but they know that i ask Allah to alleviate them...

and although physically apart but we are soul-ly connected.. and all the nikmah come from Allah

when i had the chance to spend my time with them as human, i feel awkward, because i never ad before, i started to think on differences that i should have when i claim that i now is having tarbiyyah, tarbiyyah means difference, i don't know, when we are not busy working for the big things, little things will make us busy... i always wish to spend time with my friends, sitting together, eat and drinks and pour our hearts out, but often i reminding myself that ummah needs us more, but i forget that i am just a human, and they tooo...

untuk awak,
we might not say much, but i know the face, the reactions, the grip and the touched. Allah is telling me that we need personal time, just the two of us together. may Allah give us that chance, even if we do not have, ui am sure u know that we have Him, that smiles from you is motivating, telling me that u're struggling and u're not doing nothing. have faith dear, super strong faith, keep running towards Him..

untuk mereka yang Allah temukan kita di jalan dakwah,
we might not have time to spend together because ummah needs us... have faith, have Him, jagalah Allah, nescaya Dia akan menjaga kamu...

even we are apart, we become one in prayer

i miss everyone, people that come in my prayer, in my dreams but here is where my battle field... ini bumi yang Allah pertanggungjawabkan to me, and this is where the battle begins...
the time will come for us to sit together on the dipan, chilling out, smiling, laughing, laying on the green grass, staring on the blue sky, with Rasulullah and sahabahs you guys and others by my side...

dalam dakapan ukhuwwah,
aishahabdulhalim
warwick, UK

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

tsabat

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

may all of us in good iman and health

i don't know, it was a few days ago that i paused and reflect; do i really want Allah?
and that question made me ponder for the whole day and i can't do anything on that day,, do i want Allah? do i really want Allah? i don't know, living here, with so many things different and free from Malaysia, without parents, good friends, naqibah what more bi'ah, i could do all the things that i want but seldom i asked myself, is it really iman that keeps me sane? or actually the culture and norms that i used to?

do we really want Allah? not need, but want; 2 different things... we seldom feel need, unless we are at the bottom most level of life, but want is a very challenging feeling, do u really want Allah even when u feel really sleepy and u have good bed and duvet to sleep? do u really want Allah if u could spend money travelling the world rather visiting friends in this path? do u really want Allah when u have all the good food, drinks and lots more?

do u really want Allah; what does ur heart said? ironic, when actions and mouth don't go together... but that is often right? put aside the da'wah part, we are not even Muslims at heart even we are busy updating our status on FB or telling our Kuffur friends that we are Muslims...

i don't know, when Allah said, submit not just yourself, but also wealth and soul, i couldn't afford not to agree that y soul is not fully belong to Allah... i can't deny that even i bow my head down whispering Allah..Allah..Allah, but my heart doesn't collaborate, and i couldn't deny that there are still lots more thing to improve... we are busy telling people about Islam, reading books about Islam, travelling here and there visiting heritage and cultures left by Islam once but we are actually nothing, our heart are empty, we are doing all those stuff for the sake of our nafs, Allah is not in our hearts when we are busy snapping pictures when visiting Spain, Turkey etc, Allah is not in our heart when we read books, even worst Allah is not in ur heart when we are busy talking about Islam

astaghfirullah,,

ya Allah,
u know what's in our little heart,
it's still too far; to submit ourselves fully to Allah,
but i bet u,
to still keep us on this path
to still guide us on ur way
tho we are nobody
tho we are just little tiny creature
but we Want YoU
We need You

and i am a slave to You,

dear Allah,
i am weak

p/s: hati ini milik Dia
i hope u see the unseen

7305 days

assalamualaikum

been thinking on this lately, u know when baby was born, people usually notice his/her age, too be honest, we count the days his/her is living, but as we grow older, we don't care about the day anymore, we care on year, and i believe that's the reason why we feel that we are still young as age pass very long, but days pass very fast, serious....

i don't know, i can't tell how much thankful i am for reaching 7305 days, i remember i told my friend once, "aku rasa aku mati muda, dalam 20 cam tu", and recalling back the dialogue, i can't afford other than to sit and istighfar, how that time i said without planning, i mean i could somehow feel that i won't live too long on this dunyah, but how come i could just say without doing anything, what a waste right?

i remember during the semester 3 holiday, i totally felt that it's the "day", and when i was in the bus from alor star to butterworth and suddenly the bus stop in sudden, i could not afford to do anything other than tawakkal to Him, "if this is the day, please forgive all my sin", and when nothing happened, i pray that i could continue my sem 4 and continue to do dakwah....

and people were busy preparing for the IB exam, i was busy playing with the feeling, i know that it's either i wll die before the exam or He'll ease everything, and when i finished the paper, i know that i will pass JPA requirement even though not as excellent as others....

and that feeling comes again, i seriously thought that there will be no 2 september 2011 to me, and how i passes the days with ambiguous feeling, especially during ramadhan, when i wake up on september 2, only Allah knows how do i feel, but again, the same question slapped my head, how much do i prepare for the "day"

and again, i have no guarantee that i will fly, death can come in sudden right? Allah had remind us so many times but why do we still repent? i don't know, too many things in my head, i know that i always think too much but it makes no harm to me but insha Allah, it's way better than spending time uselessly right?

that's all for now, the number is no longer 7305 days, it's becoming 7312 days today, alhamdulillah, and let's work and live as of we are seeing Allah, and if we don't He is watching us what? :p

aishah hopes u manage to see the unseen :)

i don't kk