assalamualaikum warahmatullah
people said, when u stop blogging for a long time, that shows something is not right with ur iman, if really your intention of blogging is sincerely, purely because of Allah, and that statement touched me, i paused and reflect, indeed it is.
it's been 9 weeks, since i've been here, the land that i've been longing since 12, the ambition that i've keeping since 12, the dreams... i don't know, i remember when i was in teens, when i was eagerly seeking the true meaning of Islam, when i was truly confuse with my own religion until the time when i was undoubtedly believe and have faith in Allah... it was a long time, before Allah grant me a truly amazing nikmah, that was the time... i remember when i was putting this strong desire with my dearest seeker buddy, we promised to fly to UK together, to understand and practice Islam better, to be good Muslims, we promised to go to Spain together, sitting together, embracing and appreciating Islam... i miss the feeling, truly, Allah, i don't know where had things gone, since i've been here, i can't lie that the emptiness had seem to dominate most of my time here, it made me reflect most of the time, why didn't i feel closer to Allah here? why didn't i feel that the universe is having zikir with me? why didn't i feel that Allah is comforting me with His sun... i don't know..
it's been a long time, since i remembered the Palestinians, since i cried badly being a sinner, it's been a long time that i forget my ambition, and it's been even a long time, that i feel as a servant.. too many things to reflect, every second we are getting nearer to death, but too bad that my deeds was terrible, i scared, scared of meeting Him with my heart is partially or may be full with dunyah, i miss having the feeling to change because of Him, it's always good to muhasabah all the time, perhaps my istighfar had now become a routine, astaghfirullah, and my zikir become likes songs, astaghfirullah, no wonder the sun had no longer warm me, no wonder the squirrel and birds no longer looking at me, no wonder the trees become my shadow, because i am a sinner, i seek Allah's forgiveness
oh Allah,
i really longing the feeling; to fully submit myself and most importantly my heart and feeling to You, to You they all belongs, to You we are all looking for, i seek for forgiveness, i seek for guidance, i seek for solutions, i seek for forgiveness, i seek for blessing, even i know... that i don't deserve all those...
p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen
p/s: dym, we'll go to andalus one day, biiznillah
p/s: jan, i'm longong for what u're feeling now
