ان معى ربي سيهدين

20- Dia berkata, "Bagaimana mungkin aku mempunyai anak lelaki padahal tidak pernah ada orang yang menyentuhku dan aku bukan seorang penzina!"

21- Dia berkata, " Demikianlah". Tuhanmu berfirman, "Hal itu mudah bagiKu, dan agar Kami menjadikannya satu tanda bagi manusia dan sebagai rahmat dari Kami, dan hal itu adalah suatu urusan yang diputuskan"

22- Maka dia mengandung, lalu dia mengasingkan diri dengan kandungannya itu ke tempat yang jauh

23- Kemudian rasa sakit akan melahirkan memaksanya pada pangkal pohon kurma, dia berkata, "Wahai, betapa aku mati sebelum ini, dan aku menjadi seorang yang tidak diperhatikan dan dilupakan"

24- Maka dia berseru kepadanya dari tempat yang rendah "Janganlah engkau bersedih hati, sesungguhnya Tuhanmu telah menjadikan anak sungai dibawahmu

25- Dan goyangkanlah pohon kurma itu ke arahmu, niscaya itu akan menggugurkan buah kurma yang masak kepadamu

(Maryam)
____________________________________________________________________________

61- Dan ketika kedua golongan itu saling melihat, berkatalah pengikut-pengikut Musa, "Kita benar-benar akan tersusul"

62- Dia menjawab, "Sekali-kali tidak akan, sesungguhnya Tuhanku bersamaku, Dia akan memberi petunjuk kepadaku"

63- Lalu Kami wahyukan kepada Musa, "Pukullah laut itu dengan tongkatmu". Maka terbelahlah lautan itu, dan setiap belahan seperti gunung yang besar.

64- Dan di sanalah Kami dekatkan golongan yang lain

65- Dan Kamu selamatkan Musa dan orang-orang yang bersamanya

(asy-Syu'ara')
_________________________________________________________________________

7- Dan Kami ilhamkan kepada ibunya Musa, "Susuilah dia, dan apabila engkau khawatir terhadapnya maka hanyutkanlah dia ke sungai. Dan janganlah engkau takut dan jangan bersedih hati sesungguhnya Kami akan mengembalikannya kepadamu, dan menjadikannya salah seorang rasul

8- Dan hati ibu Musa menjadi kosong. Sungguh hampir saja dia menyatakannya, seandainya tidak Kami teguhkan hatinya, agar dia termasuk orang-orang yang beriman

22- Dan ketika dia menuju ke arah negeri Madyan dia berdoa lagi "Mudah mudahan Tuhanku memimpin aku ke jalan yang benar"

24- ... "Ya Tuhanku, sesungguhnya aku sangat memerlukan sesuatu kebaikan yang Engkau turunkan kepadaku"

(al-Qasas)
__________________________________________________________________________

Putting myself in Nabi Musa, her mother and Maryam RA shoes, I can't keep my tears. He has been very nice to me.
Indeed, the help is so near!

P/s: Final exam for engineering is officially tomorrow! To You I surrender!

jaded? Bangun!

22- dan ketika orang-orang mukmin melihat golongan-golongan itu, mereka berkata, "Inilah yang dijanjikan Allah dan Rasulnya kepada kita". Dan benarlah Allah dan RasulNya. Dan yang demikian itu menambahkan keimanan dan keislaman mereka.
(al-Ahzab)
______________________________________________________________________________

39- Katakanlah, "Sungguh, Tuhanku melapangkan rezeki dan membatasinya bagi siapa yang Dia kehendaki di antara hamba-hambaNya". Dan apa saja yang kamu infaqkan, Allah akan menggantinya dan Dialah pemberi rezeki yang terbaik
(Saba')
_______________________________________________________________________________

15- Wahai manusia! Kamulah yang memerlukan Allah; dan Dialah Yang Mahakaya, Maha Terpuji.
(Fatir)
_______________________________________________________________________________

35- Dan mereka berkata,"Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah menghilangkan kesedihan dari kami. Sungguh, Tuhan kami benar-benar Maha Pengampun, Maha Mensyukuri,

36- yang dengan karuniaNya menempatkan kami dalam tempat yang kekal, di dalamnya kami tidak merasa lelah dan tidak pula merasa lesu
(Fatir)
_______________________________________________________________________________

To conclude:

4- Sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia berada dalam susah payah 
(al-Balad)

2- Yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Maha Perkasa, Maha Pengampun

*belajar susah? Memang itu pun, maka bekerjalah, dan teruskan bekerja, sebab things will never be easier, we just need to be better!
**final in 2 weeks time

فاذا فرغت فانصب

                                                                                                                السلام عليكم ورحمة الله
1- have We not expanded for you your breast?
2- and taken off from you your burden?
3- which passed heavily upon your back
4- and exalted for you your esteem?
5- surely with difficulty is ease
6- with difficulty is surely ease
7- so when you are free, nominate
8- and make your Lord your exclusive object

(al-Insyirah)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Pada hari kembalinya Rasulullah s.a.w ke Madinah, Jibril datang kepada baginda pada waktu Zohor. Tatkala itu baginda sedang mandi di rumah Ummu Salamah. Kata Jibril: "Apakah engkau sudah meletakkan senjata? Sesungguhnya malaikat-malaikat belum lagi meletakkan senjata mereka. Mereka belum pulang lagi melainkan kerana hendak memburu kaum itu. Bangkitlah kamu dengan mereka yang bersamamu untuk menuju ke kampung Bani Qurayzah. Aku akan berjalan di hadapanmu menggoncang kubu-kubu mereka dan mencampakkan rasa takut dalam hati mereka" (Sirah Nabawiyah)

_________________________________________________________________________________

140- jika kamu mendapat luka, maka mereka pun mendapat luka yang serupa. Dan masa itu, Kami pergilirkan di antara manusia dan agar Allah membedakan orang-orang yang beriman dan agar sebahagian kamu dijadikanNya syuhada. dan Allah tidak menyukai orang-orang zalim

153- ketika kamu lari dan tidak menoleh siapa pun, sedang Rasul yang berada di antaramu yang lain memanggil kamu, kerana itu Allah menimpakan kepadamu kesedihan demi kesedihan, agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu dan terhadap apa yang menimpamu. dan Allah Maha teliti terhadap apa yang kamu kerjakan

(ali-Imran)

_________________________________________________________________________________

for all the blessings that Allah has given onto us, move forward! how could you wait and relax, when Rasulullah himself was admonished by Jibril! The trials, virtual wounds are just part and parcel of this life. Isn't that Allah reminded you in surah al-Mulk? and you will keep dwelling upon that, as you keep moving along this path.

Move, for that's why you are alive!

Move, for that's what Rasulullah and others had done!
Move, for that's where your destination has been set!

sebab berhenti maksudnya mati!

sebab harga sebuah kematian (kehidupan yang abadi) adalah pada sebuah kehidupan yang Hidup!

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: alhamdulillah, submitted my borehole thermal energy storage project. I should consider forming a team and working extensively on that, to help the Palestinians, Syrians and my fellow brothers and sisters

ammar ayyash

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

dengan meneladani Nabi s.a.w, seorang Muslim akan tergugah untuk melepaskan berbagai belenggu yang mengikatnya dengan bumi, agar ia naik ke kerajaan tertinggi di langit. (Tarbiyyah Dzatiyyah, Hasyim Ali A.)

Allah,
I am an imaginative person.
I wish for a soul that is free, so free, fully occupied with non but Allah.
I wish for the world to be manageable and fully utilized with my hands, not coming nearer than that.
Life is journey, it really is. Tarbiyyah speeds up the process. That is the ultimate goal.
I wish for times when I can perform my sujud in front of Allah, with my heart fully occupied with none but Him. sujud pembebasan that i dream for. and i pray hardly. that is the goal, and i am now in the journey moving towards that. and i know, as long as i keep on moving, He will lead me to the right path.

Dari Abu Hurairah, Rasulullah bersabda, “Akan masuk surga orang-orang yang hati mereka seperti hati burung” (Hadis riwayat Muslim) 

I wish for a heart and soul that can fly freely, far freely from this dunya.

Ya Allah, letakkanlah dunia di tangan kami, bukan di hati kami.

Ya Allah, get us together in Your Jannah, with the anbiya', solihin, syuhada' and with our loved ones.

I have to admit that indeed matlab is another language that I am struggling with. I should consider improving my Arabic and start learning Turkish instead.

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

geothermal

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

life has been good, alhamdulillah! it really is. the seventh week of school and i started to study like i never did for the past few years. Allah knows the hopes and fears that I have. often He comforts me through many amazing ways. it feels so in bliss when study becomes one of it. I started doing my project, engineering project definitely. i was clueless on what to choose and what to do definitely. i don't wanna do just for the sake of doing but rather something that can be part of my ibadah and benefits to the ummah. i prayed for Allah to give me the best that I can handle. i selected inter seasonal heat storage without knowing much. i know it doesn't sound good! only in the seventh week, our dear supervisors explained on the details. subhanallah! He made my entire day! i was just helplessly praying in the morning, for Him to give methe  light! geothermal will be one of the research that i have to do. i remember this TedX video by Khaled al-Sabawi, an engineer that actively working on geothermal in Palestine. i was so inspired by him! how i wish i can be one. upon listening to the supervisor, this little heart was whispering and imagining. may be this is the starting point that Allah wants me to go to Palestine! subhanallah! but aishah, you made a promise that you will only go to Palestine to liberate it. Either you go there being one of the martyrs or liberators! My heart started doubting! ya Allah, am I dying in my 20s? Allah Rabbi! i started to make my istighfar! who is giving me guarantees that i 'll be dying in my 60s? and there is no guarantee that i am living tomorrow! this worldly life often fascinates us! i can't remember  the last time i went to bed with thought that i may not awake tomorrow!
i remember one day walking back home from university. the sky was so clear. i looked up and suddenly Allah sent me the feeling and thought that i am just a small creature! i am helpless! then i asked myself many times, what did you feel when looking up the sky before?
Allah Ilahi, many times i forget that i am indeed just a helpless servant! rarely i feel myself connected to Your other creatures! and very little time i perform my sujud and ruku' with heart submit to You!

Allah Rabbi,
...Jangan Kau condongkan hati kami kepada kesesatan setelah Engkau berikan petunjuk kepada kami, dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisiMu, sesungguhnya Kau maha pemberi ('ali-Imran:8)

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

asal Kau tak murka

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

146 – dan betapa banyak nabi yang berperang didampingi sejumlah besar dari pengikut yang bertaqwa. Mereka tidak lemah kerana bencana yang menimpanya di jalan Allah, tidak patah semangat dan tidak menyerah. Dan Allah mencintai orang-orang yang sabar

147 – dan tidak lain ucapan mereka hanyalah doa, “ya Tuhan kami, ampunilah dosa-dosa kami dan tindakan-tindakan kami yang berlebihan urusan kami dan tetapkanlah pendirian kami dan tolonglah kami terhadap orang-orang kafir

(Ali ‘Imran)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Wahai Tuhanku Kau sahajalah tempat ku mengadu kelemahan tenagaku dan kurang bicaraku, kehinaanku di mata ramai. Wahai Tuhan yang maha pengasih Kaulah Tuhan mereka-mereka yang lemah, Kaulah Tuhanku, kepada siapakah Kau akan serah aku ini? Kepada mereka yang jauh yang bencikan aku atau kepada seteru yang Kau berikan kuasa ke atasku? Andaikata tidakada sebarang kemurkaanMu keatas aku,maka tidak akan aku pedulikan, tetapi kemaafan dan kurniaan Kau lebih luas untukku. Aku berlindung dengan cahaya zatMu yang menyinari segala kegelapan dan yangmemberi manfaat dunia dan akhirat dari kemarahanNya keatas ku dan kemurkaanMu, Kau sahaja yang menegur sepuasnya. Dan tidak ada helah bicara dan tenaga hanyalah dengan Kau sahaja.

(doa Rasulullah di Taif)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Reading doas from anbiya’ will make you ponder very deeply. The trials that they have countered often shaken their hearts but not faith. Often their doas are simple, but deep and you can feel the faith that they have.

Wa isra fana fi amrina

Most of the times, people do mistakes because of ignorance or some innocence. To me that is fine! What makes it worse is the extra mix of emotions that we have. Ladies! Our skeptical minds, our angers mix with frustrations, stubbornness, and arrogance.  When Allah show us the right path, and looking back on the days that full with roller coasters, we will knee down and recite the doa full heartedly. How I wish things could have been that worst! Berlebihan dalam urusan, we are all indeed. May Allah forgive us for that.

When we say we want to please Allah, as long as His anger is not with us, we will do everything! Even that means sacrificing the arrogance that your heart wants! Maybe the satisfaction or redemption that you should be feeling after completing something that you have been dreaming since twelve.

Alat vs matlamat; you will surely be tested on this! And always remember that Allah is always seeking for His pure servant. Allah deserves not to be shared what more challenged!

For You, I will!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

huge space

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

i always have this question in my mind, how am I going to love a lot of people? i don't think i have such a huge space in my heart for me to love people. love means devotion, responsible, commitment and lots more. even worse, i don't really have a lot of time to whisper specific doa for specific people that i love. i just cannot because they are just many! embracing this summer with mindset as orang yang bakal ditinggalkan and we really count you, i know that i have such a huge task to work on soon, very soon! and i know that i cannot make that if i don't have them in my heart. and that occupies my mind. one of my prayer list for this summer is to learn to love a lot of people.
I saw Serial Cinta by Us Anis Matta during DW. and i know that i have to grab it. i just love the feeling of indulging myself with books, reading the thoughts, enjoying and indulging with the language, and swimming in the stories. Alhamdulillah, Allah answers my prayers. just what i need at this point of time! kekuatan jiwa!
i couldn't argue for much when he said erti cinta ialah memberi dan kita takkan memberi kalau kita tidak memiliki. so, where do you get the love from? Allah! the stronger the kekuatan jiwa you have, the stronger the love that you can give! cinta ialah memberi, memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan. memberi sampai orang tu rasa diberi dan walaupun tak diberi balik, cukuplah Allah maha Pemberi!
Allah! i just couldn't keep the feeling! now i know!
now only I understand when ISHAB said kita menawan mereka dengan kasih sayang. it's a pure love i am telling you. love of the ummah to help them saving their life from hell fire, and it just a matter of love!

and while sending choy off, we discussed this topic together with auni.
i am telling you that to give is just so dahsyat! i cannot deny that i need some space for my own, just to recharge. "kadang-kadang aku tak layan anak usrah aku sebab waktu tu aku tak mampu nak bagi. dan aku banyak diam dengan diorang. sebab aku tak tahu apa nak bagi", somebody said. and me too most of the times would laying down with my eyes glaring up high, searching, bulding and recharging the strength! i cant stop tears running. it is indeed a huge responsibility and love and therefore deserves big heart! ya Allah, help me with that!

to love is to give!

ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon kepadaMu agar selalu mencintaiMu, mencintai orang orang yang mencintaiMu, dan amal perbuatan yang dapat mengahtarkanku untuk mencintaiMu. ya Allah, jadikanlah cintaku kepadaMu melebihi cinta pada diriku, keluargaku dan melebihi air yang menyejukkan. (HR at-Tirmidzi)

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

SALJ!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

 

I am writing this to myself and you. It's been months since I last write. That reflects how drain I am, perhaps.

 

It's been snowing for 5 days, since Friday. It stops for a while. I walk on the snow while some are still falling. I look out the window from my room, and that tiny little drops mesmerize me. Snow is not the reason why i am here. really! That contributes to why I wasn't that exciting since my first snow. But when that little drops keep on coming, I strongly believe that Allah is teaching me something. something that i try to find even until now.

For the first few days of snow, I keep on thinking on what do I learn from the snow. i gotta walk to university. It's slippery. It makes the journey even harder. I was whispering through out my journey, Allah is teaching that no matter how atrocious life is, life goes on. I have to go on. I have to keep on moving. Regardless of the unfavourable weather, the cold, the slippery pathways. LIFE GOES ON!

My stance was changed on Friday. I got out early in the morning for group discussion. Striving to be there as early as possible but 20 minutes late. the discussion wasn't that satisfactory. I was about to pack my stuffs and leave for the Friday prayer. It's been months since i last sit down properly, listening to the khatib. My group mate told me that classes are cancelled. I was smirking. Thinking and pondering. I walked into the prayer hall, listened to the khatib. I felt tranquil. khutbah ended and I knew that the tough journey home started. Allah! the snow was heavy, I walked full hearted. The traffic was terrible, and for the first time in my life here, I saw traffic jam from university to home. Everyone was looking at  me weirdly. Very few people walked in the snow because people don't walk in heavy snow!. The snow was thick. I keep on walking. tired! slippery! as I moved, my mind kept thinking.  I never thought that university and city would be paralysed just because of snow. It is tiny. But they are not. Seeing that little drop, I wouldn't expect that little drop when unite could drive human paralysed! serious. I kept walking. It is surprising that finally human admitted their weaknesses and surrender the nature. and I wonder, if people can follow nature, why can't they surrender to the creator of nature?

"akhirnya manusia tunduk kepada alam,

mari tunduk kepada Tuhan pencipta alam"

people started posting pictures on facebook. I got annoyed may be. some started sharing this verse.

"Have you not seen how God drives along the clouds, then joins them together, then makes them into a stack, and then you see the rain come out of it? And He sends down from the sky mountain masses (of clouds) with cold hail in them, striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills. The brightness of His lightning almost blinds the sight."
(The Qur'an, 24:43)

alhamdulillah, people realised that the snow is from Allah. no, I'm not going to repeat what others have said. i just want to highlight " striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills"

Going through the verse again and again, Allah allows me to ponder. He lets the snow strike me with His wills. That is a true reminder! it is His wills for me to witness snow. It is His wills that keeps me living. It His wills that makes me who i am today. And with His wills, to Him i should return.

That's the biggest lesson i learn from MR. Salj. Amazing how that little drop is actually from His wills, and even mesmerize when every tiny little drop that i see is in His accordance.

thank you Allah for the biggest, beautiful lesson. i know that You want me to keep in remembering You through Sunshine and snow, come thunder and strong wind.

from You i came, to You i shall return, and may You give me strength to live in the present for You...

ya Allah,

may every little whitey drop that You are sending, improve my iman and make me closer to You and be among the believers.

sungguh. tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

 

p/s/s: iman itu licin macam salji tak?

one soul

Allah.

i am writing this to myself. it's hard. full stop. it's the 5th day after the clod pillar operation started. and it's been 5 days that now only my mind full of things happened in Gaza. i was so into that before i decided to focus my work to build the ummah. it's hard to really have faith that this is my battle field. the fact that they don't need my presence there and the ummah here needs my presence. Allah. i try hard to believe in that but often i fail. i can't study. i feel hard to sleep. the thoughts on them are overwhelming me. i feel them. i feel me. we are just a soul. Allah. news and updates coming in and i just can;t afford to ignore. waiting for something uncertain. i don't know what do i hope actually. i am emotional, i know. but it just that. i know that i should plan hard. work and plan rationally while hoping for a better tomorrow. Allah. i know that their prayers are with me. for me to stay here and do my work as what i supposed to. Allah. i am clear and certain on what i am doing. why am i taking engineering. why am i studying Arabic. Insha Allah. i am certain about that. i try hard to believe. i try hard to work hard and have greater faith on what i am doing. even my battle field is full of wealth, i try hard to fight even though far from equal from them. Allah, to You i surrender myself. to You i hope for a greater faith. to You i pray for greater strength form me and for them to keep fighting for al Haq, wherever we are. Allah. let me and my generations be part of the liberation army from the invasion of Kuffar, wherever we are!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

second eid adha away from home. i was suffocating actually. trying hardly to really understand what eid adha is supposed to mean. may Allah forgive me for my weaknesses to really treasure eid adha.

had a rush early in the morning. alhamdulillah, listening to the khutbah asleep. but something is missing, i just don't know what. and Allah comforted my by giving me  a chance to perform solat beside a sister, from Turkey i guess. and after giving salam, she quickly shaked my hands, kissed me and greated me with eid mubarak. bliss. i just couldn't explain. hearing someone praying for my goodness is really a bliss. being love. may Allah reward you with greatness sister. but sooner later, the atmosphere was filled with selamat hari raya wishes. Allah. i just couldn't take it. no, no. this is not what i am seearching for. it couldn't be just a plain selamat hari raya wishes. plain. dull. you say it all. i tried searching for other muslims, greating them with eid muabarak. and alhamdulillah, arabic class in the evening enlighten me.

journey to cardiff. i was exhausted to be honest. too tired actually. listening to the recordings, trying hard not to asleep but unfortunately dozzed off. and i was plain at that time. praying full heartedly that Allah will teach me something for this eid. teach me something big this eid. i want to treasure eid by heart.

and waking up from sleep in mosque. Allah. what a bliss!

had taujih on ISK. jubilant. menghidupkan hati yang telah lama mati dengan himmah dan hamasah.

had a wrap from a Palestinian who owned a restaurant. Allah! and before i left the shop, the owner greeted me with Fi amanillah. another doa, alhamdulillah.

my ticket back to coventry was via birmingham. i was supposed to take any train that will stop at birmingham and change it before taking another train to coventry. but i've gotta change twice. Allah. i don't want. i want to change once. i am just too tired. and i wanna have a long sleep. i was supposed to change at bristol parkway, the ticket collector told me that but i refused. i chose to sleep till reading.

i was in the train and waiting for the ticket collector. greeted him and allowing him to check on my ticket.before something that really made me ponder all the way back.

"u've taken the wrong way!"
"what?" (yes. i know.)
"u should be taking train via birmingham. i'll let u off today. but somebody might not in future".
"yes. thank you very much".

and that's the biggest tarbiyyah for my journey to cardiff. i was just too tired, and i just wanna get rest. but i've taken the wrong way. rehat kan di syurga?

thank you Allah for that. truly enlighten my day after i was just thinking about relaxing. getting enough sleep.

a big reminder for myself. alhamdulillah, it was from ticket driver. imagine in the day of akhirah, when Allah said, "u've taken the wrong way"

na'uzubillah. Allah.

keep us on the right path.
the path of those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors. not of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray.
(Al-Fatiha:6,7)

alhamdulillah, Al-Fatiha means deeper to me now.

sunnguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

assalamualaikum warahmatullah....

few weeks ago:

cried terribly seeing mr tan's pictures in Turkey. including captions. ya Allah sampaikanlah. i desperately need that...

few days ago:

someone gave me a business class ticket to Turkey. i was about to pack when suddenly my hand pressed the snooze button. cried. ya Allah, sampaikanlah....

yesterday:

edgi (a Turkish): u went to Yemen last summer?
ben (an English): i did.
edgi: i went to Palestine last summer.
me: what? u went to Palestine? serious?
edgi: I did.
me: what did you do over there?
edgi: we had a summer camp. helping the kids. we went there with our groups of pilots.
me: where on Palestine did you go?
edgi: Westbank. we stayed there for 3 months..

my heart was exploding. ya Allah. why so hard? a Turkish. went to Palestine. what a complete set.
and the trials to really beriman with this ayat increasing.

"And it does not beseem the believers that they should go forth all together; why should not then a company from every party from among them go forth that they may apply themselves to obtain understanding in religion, and that they may warn their people when they come back to them that they may be cautious"          (at-Taubah:122)

Allah. weak. i am. even a verse is hard for you to really accept open heartily and work into amal.

oh, ben and edgi are just 20. Allah. i try. i am trying my best actually to really beriman with that verse, accepting the fact that my battle field is here. accepting the fact that going to Gaza is not everything, that's not my goal, redha Allah is. and where ever i am, when ever it is, pleasing Allah is my only desire. astaghfirullah, how intelligent syaitan is. even going to Gaza can actually be wrong if the goal is to satisfy our heart, not Allah.

may Allah place me in Gaza or where ever place that He is please with. and may Allah allow me to meet the Palestinians where ever and  when ever He likes, if not here, insha Allah in the here after.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

To tetuan asmaa' :P

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

I am writing this to semaa' my chum.

It was the first day of Shawaal that Allah dragged my sights to this

And I paused. It took me a while to think on the book before I decided to read it back. I was just so curious to know why did I was so into the book.

Reading the book, going through chapters by chapters dragging me back to the year 2008, the feelings and the soul that I had that we shared together. I read the book with a big wonder, what does the book has that you and I was so into it.

It was in the 2nd shawaal that tears dropped after I finished the book. Alhamdulillah, Allah made me remember on the feelings and dreams that we shared together.

The book taught me and you to do things because of Allah. I remember our conversation regarding the book.

"i was speechless. It just so deep".
"indeed kan ? I feel that crazy. How can you do something because of Allah ?"
"and it's just that chal. Purely because of Allah".
"and u sacrifice even ur feelings. It's so deep".
"betul betul. It's about time. The world is so corrupt. And we gotta play our role".
"we can make the changes. To bring back people to Allah. To turn Malaysia to an Islamic country and to make Muslims really practice Islam".

And u made this drawing.

And I sat for my spm with that desire, desire to change the people. And I still keep the notes that u wrote to me before we left college.

4 years had passed my chum and alhamdulillah I'm glad that I'm moving towards our dreams. At times when I lost, i'll drag my soul to the days that we shared our thoughts. And Allah never fail to help me reminiscing the days, the dreams and most important the soul that we shared.

And I do hope that u too is stepping towards our desire. We are youths, and growing up is not easy I'm telling u. Things are hard, at times I fall but later I know that I have to keep on moving. At times, I do go astray, often I remember the "smallness" that we feel. And Allah is there guiding and keeping me to the right path. I am sure that Allah is taking care of us. He is the best protector after all. It's Faith :)

The next year I come back, it'll be 5 years. I feel so fast, yet me myself is not growing. We do have big dreams mate. We really wanna bring the changes. And the changes start from us.

I do hope to see u, to enlighten our souls and plan for bigger dreams. May Allah allow us so :)

I love you because of Allah,
chal

to-work-on

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

in the night of 24th Ramadhan. i can't never thank Allah enough fo rgiving such a nice feeling about Ramadhan. i don't know, it's hard to describe. welcoming ramadhan with too many things to juggle and with "nice" weather here in Malaysia, i have mix feelings towards Ramdhan. only Allah knows and may He forgive me for that.

the first weekend home after 5 weekends away. masha Allah. i don't know. there are just too many things to think on. it wasn't many, it might be just 5 or 6, may be up to 10 but that things are not just tiny. Allah knows where best to put His servants. all the things in mind need details. i can't just think, but to work on the details, and i can't just work on the details but to think further on the implementation. and i struggle that a lot. trying my best to co-relate each things because they are seriously related. trying my best to give the best that i can. ya Allah, help me for that.

living home with family around, u just can't run away from indulging with the thougths, worries and concerns that they have. i'm trying my best to understand how things work. trying to recall on how i used to be before i was 13. too bad that i can't. i am sorry for that. i hope changes are for better.

having friends around are something that u need to fully utilise. this is the part on which i fail the most. i am sorry for that guys. reaching malaysia without informing anybody and went to Kl few times without meeting anyone, i am sorry for that. my bad. i'm trying to work it out. been home since the end of June without old friends around home not knowing that. i am sorry again. i try to fix in, biiznillah

and the list goes down i believe. none could come and force me to think only on a thing because i just can't. it just me and the way i think. how i wish i could concentrate on things and start to focus but i am sorry that i can't. i am trying my best to work on things that i see and capable of doing. still coping to put things into order.

and one thing that i wish that i can get rid and people always forget, i was in Bukit Merbah for 5 years. i might abke to get rid on things that i feel not right but i just couldn't let the good things go away as well. i were trained i am telling you. PERFECTIONIST! especially on works. and i'm struggling for that, a real struggle because MUSLIMS are near to perfections because we have Allah. and i know how do i work.

i am bit left with current issues. i seek Allah's forgiveness for that. still merangkak to get myself on track back especially on Palestine, Muslims, politics, economies etc. keeping things updated and not just update but analyse.

and u expect me to be an engineer when there are just too many things to put in order?

"i can't never see u as engineer. trust me, u're borned to be somebody" -Raihan Jan

and ma and abah got shocked when i told them, "i don't know what should i be later"

and i choose to let things flow :)

after all, worries not. i am enjoying every little tarbiyyah that Allah is teaching :) i am happy for all those. and i am glad for those :)

and i pray that i will meet Allah with my heart full of His blessings and me too is bless to meet Him.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

h.u.m.b.l.e

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

i do wish that u can write individually to every person that i want, writing purely from my heart, comforting them with Allah's verses and motivate them to keep going. i do hope that i can be there when they want me to be there. but later i realise that i just couldn't. i am writing this to you, yes to you. to share something that i really hope from my heart and i do pray that Allah will deliver this to you.

whenever someone is overwhelming with problems, i always remember one of the usrah session that i had with my murabbi. the sessions that i went through had helped me much to be who i am today. to keep me strong, giving me a new perspective of life. and i would like to share, one of the new perspective of live that i've got, one of the refreshment that i've gotten with you, yes. with you. and i hope the verses Allah comfort u, and cool u down, strengthen your believe that u are never alone. Allah is there sister.

Katakanlah, "terangkanlah kepadaku jika siksaan Allah sampai kepadamu, atau hari kiamat sampai kepadamu, apakah kamu akan menyeru selain Allah, jika kamu orang yang benar!"
(Say: Tell me if the chastisement of Allah should overtake you or the hour should come upon you, will you call besides ALLAH, if you are truthful?)

(Tidak!), hanya kepaaNya kamu minta tolong. jika Dia mengkehendaki, Dia hilangkan apa yang kamu mohonkan kepadaNya, dan kamu tinggalkan apa yang kamu persekutukan.
(Nay, Him you call upon, so He clears away that for which you pray if He pleases and you forget what you set up)

dan sungguh! Kami telah mengutus kepada umat-umat sebelum engkau, kemudian Kami siksa mereka dengan kemelaratan dan kesengsaraan, agar mereka memohon dengan kerendahan hati.
(and certainly We sent to nations before you then We seized them with distress and affliction in order that they might humble themselves)

tetapi mengapa mereka tidak memohon dengan kerendahan hati ketika siksaan Kami datang menimpa mereka? bahkan hati mereka telah datang menjadi keras dan setan pun menjadikan terasa indah bagi mereka apa yang selalu mereka kerjakan.
(Yet why did they not, when Our punishment came to them, humble themselves? but their hearts hardened and the Shaitan made what they did fair-seeming to them)

(Al-An'am:40-43)

i cried the moment i went through the verses. in verses 40 and 41, Allah reminded us that to Him only do we week help. and He actually put two worse situations that He knows we would call upon Him, (siksaan dan Kiamat). and i really feel that Allah is actually smashing my hearts that i should be calling Him all the time, not only when tribulations come. and He strengthen our weaknesses that we are actually calling Him, only Him, why do we feel so strong when we are actually not?  and He continued the verses with stories about the ummat before us, whom Allah give them mehnah and tribulations for them to humble themselves. HUMBLE? ain't easy? that's the hardest thing that we can do.

Allah told us that Allah actually seize human with distress and afflictions so that human might humble themselves. admit that we are weak. admit that Allah the all power. admit that we are just His tiny helpless servants.

at times is life, we tend to forget that we have no power, no control on anything. we could work, plan but Allah is the best planner. and Allah actually longing for our prayers. He is longing for our cries, for our feeling of "smallness". when actually we feel that we are losers.

and when you and i do feel that we are weak, and we do admit that we are helpless, why did not we humble ourselves? why did not we cry for His help? why did not we ask for His forgiveness?

i am writing this for you and me, to cherish all the obstacles that we are going through. Allah want us to get closer to Him, then be close! Allah want us to be humble, then be humble!

i am reminding you and me, that this world is full of mehnah, that's it. then why don't we call upon Him?

Allah rindu mendengarkan
rintihanmu berpanjangan

wake up for our tahajud
and full it with tears
longing for Him
because to Him only we return!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

aishahabdulhalim

hold on

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

i am 21
and i do feel that i am old
i am trying my best to be 21
to be syabab like what the ummah dreams on
to be the best hamba like what Allah demanded
and to be the best dua't like what the Prophet did
and too many things coming in
this in
another thing in
and i am just too bad to put things on
everything lingering on minds
and i just hate to write it down
kerja nak bina ummah is not easy
and it is not pun
everything is not
and we choose which difficulty to indulge in
the one that u keep on suffering even till the Hereafter
or the one that u can have eternal rest later
this head is knocking
but working not
Allah
i do try my best to juggle things
to put things into order
to keep myself updated
and to keep everyone in position
and for the time that i fail
i am sorry
for the time that i forget
do remind me
for the time that i go astray
take me back
because i do misleading
i do mistakes
i am sorry that i am weak
but i am glad that i am weak
because from there i realise
that I have Allah Al-Qawiy
i have Him to hold on
hold on
it just a little bit more
stay calm
stay focus
stay organize
stay living

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

aishahabdulhalim

Allah!

a few things in my mid, but they are taking lots of spaces in my mind. i really need to sort things out. i miss Allah badly, and i truly feel that i am such His weakest creation. this is life, i have been wasting ages and i really need to utilise whatever time left now. changes are just so hard. the attractions are just so tremendous yet the imaan is just so little.

Allah,
U know how tiny and useless i am, and U know how terribly i need You. do guide me, help me to seek for ur taufiq, help me to keep myself on the right path. and help me to face all the hardships. i don't mind all these struggles, mehnah and tribulation as long as i have You.

Allah,
lots of things to be done. lots in the list to be improved. yet time is getting less and less. please, in this time left, help me to keep myself on the right path. help me to build and shape myself closer to Your beloved. and even if i fall; which i always do, please don't let me go astray.

i wanna see You. i want to be with You. i am longing for a date with You. do accept my wish to be with You.

Allah,
i am weak. and You are The strongest.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

J I N A K

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

i thought i am concious and aware with my surroundings, what more myself! but when my good friend said to me, "kita telah dijinakkan"! i paused! and i reflect! and i was speechless. indeed i am! indeed we are!!!

Tekad (A Tribute to Izzatul Islam)

Album : Ini Langkahku
Munsyid : Shoutul Harokah
http://liriknasyid.com

Kami sadari jalan ini kan penuh onak dan duri
Aral menghadang dan kezhaliman yang akan kami hadapi
Kami relakan jua serahkan dengan tekad di hati
Jasad ini, darah ini sepenuh ridho Illahi

Kami adalah panah-panah terbujur
Yang siap dilepaskan dari busur
Tuju sasaran, siapapun pemanahnya

Kami adalah pedang-pedang terhunus
Yang siap terayun menebas musuh
Tiada peduli siapapun pemegangnya
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk hanya ridho Illahi Robbi...

Kami adalah tombak-tombak berjajar
Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam
Menembus dada, lantakkan keangkuhan

Kami adalah butir-butir peluru
Yang siap ditembakkan dan melaju
Dan mengoyak, menumbang kezhaliman
Asalkan ikhlas di hati tuk jumpa wajah Illahi Rabbi...

Kami adalah mata pena yang tajam
Yang siap menuliskan kebenaran
Tanpa ragu ungkapkan keadilan

Kami pisau belati yang slalu tajam
Bak kesabaran yang tak pernah padam
Tuk arungi da'wah ini jalan panjang
Asalkan ikhlas di hati menuju jannah Illahi Robbi... 

 

i remember the first time i heard this song. i cried terribly. and i can't afford to sing. it was during mukhayam. and through out the mukhayam, i ask Allah for the strength, i pray that i can sing this song from the bottom of my heart. and i did. and the moment was priceless. and the song was actually my promise to Allah. our promise actually. did u all remember that?

 

and now, from the bottom of my heart, i would like to ask myself and u my siblings,

 

what is happening to all the panah-panah yang terbujur yang  siap dilepaskan dari busur?

what is happening to all the pedang-pedang terhunus Yang siap terayun menebas musuh?

what is happening to all the  tombak-tombak berjajar Yang siap di lontarkan dan menghujam?

 

moga Allah mengampunkan kita atas segala tindakan, himmah serta cita-cita kita untuk syahid pada masa kita bersama-sama dahulu andai dasarnya adalah atas semangat semata-mata dan bukannya iman.

 

i am saying this to myself and u that i love because of Allah,

 

at times, we complain that we have problems with Allah, our iman is sickening, ukhuwaah problem here and there. and we all believe that the root of all the problem is iman, but i wonder, what have we done to work for our iman? amal is the product of iman. we are busy thinking and realising that we don't contribute much to da'wah, but i wonder, what have we contribute to our relationship with Allah? if we really care about our iman, we will take extreme care on our mutabaah. i am asking myself and u that i love, when was the last time we have our tahajjud, when was the last time we fast? when was the last time we recite istighfar?how's our tilawah? how's our hafazan? people will fight for their iman, for them to complete their mutabahh because they know that is the rope that tie them to Allah. i feel with me and us, for the fact that we are lousy. 

 

it's about time to get serious with Islam. we are 21 sisters, we are not young anymore. we've been playing here and there, it's time to get back to jihad and da'wah. if we have been jinak for all this while, let's istighfar and be back. yes! be back.

 

jemaah is just something to help us. tarbiyyah should make us better, we are tigers sisters! we are not kijang!!! we have lots of potential, let them out, ummah needs them! 

 

i am saying this to me and myself! it's either we move together with da'wah or da'wah will leave us. stop giving excuses, if we do, let's pray that Allah will accept our excuses. we are not kids! we are rijal! we've been in tarbiyyah for quite sometimes, and yet we behave like we have never been. 

 

may Allah forgive us for our ignorance, for our childishness, for our stupidity. it's never too late sisters, NEVER!!!

 

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

20 + 1

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Allah! sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

in the 5th week of my Easter Break, weeks of searching and finding and ....

things are hard to describe, even i myself confuse. i know where i'm going and heading but i don't know where these people are bringing me to. and Allah grant me the feeling even though just mere of what Rasulullah felt when wahyu stop for months. and also what Nabi Musa felt when he longing for murabbi and bean his journey to find his murabbi. often i ask myself, isn;t just the complicated me, at times i am afraid if the egoistic me playing the role. i wish that the jahiliyyah part that i used to had, the ideology that i lived and fought for has been totally discarded. and whenever such things come, i can't afford to move on, i pause and reflect,...

and Allah always knows how to calm me down, to clear my doubts, He sent me, and us a murabbi, and alhamdulillah, from her i found the answer, i see the big picture, i know what's going on and i know that i gotta play the role.

at times, i say to Allah that i am just 21, and i don't really have someone who hold my hands and guide me step by step. i am just too young to be telling those people older than me, i am just one person, what difference can i make? i don't know, it's always this inner conflicts that keep me thinking and thinking and when i think, i always have this one look that disguise people i kno. and for that i prefer to keep myself away :p

i remember when i was young, i was addicted to ultraman, all types of ultraman, and silently i whisper to be among the team, not he ultraman but the team who always keep themselves aware with whatever enemies that have the intention to attack the earth. and i remember i once had this little fight with my dearest friend trying to comfort her that ultraman is a good movie, it's not crap.
and also when i was in standard 6, i had fight again with my friends convincing them that staying in hostl can help u to develop self esteem etc.
and when i was in Bukit Merbah, i took 2 years to adapt my teenage life.
and when i was in the debate team, i start to explore myself.
and the journey of exploring continued until i took my step to KMB.
and the peak was when i start to understand tarbiyyah.

and my murabbi simplifies my journey in very simple sentence : u're a thinker. u think, analyse and put things in order.

and she explained the hadith regarding solat asar di bani quraizah to me well, very well.

and i took a very deep breath, putting all the puzzles together, looking into her eyes, and i made a promise to Allah, that i won't give up.

21 might be young to some people, still very new to tarbiyyah, but the past generations proved us that 21 is the age of syabab. 21 means a big thing, usamah became the Jeneral when he was just 18, Sultan Muhammad was also 21, Hassan al-Banna was also 21, and lots more people become syabab when they were around that age.

i better stop looking at everything using the wrong glasses. i should start looking on things on Allah's point of view. i had became somebody and used all my potentials when i was in jahiliyyah and why shouldn't i limit them after i understand Islam. whatever things that Allah gives me is an amanah and it would be questioned later. what should i answer to Allah ?;(

lots more to explain, i try to be as good as i could, life without murabbi (or murabbiah) is caca merba. u just don't know how to put things in order. but that's what Allah wants me to learn. He knows me best, how to tarbiyyah me, how to slowly but deeply guide me.

i should open my heart to His language, to His signs, to His armies.

and i hereby declare that i should be reading asas-asas Islam, dasar-dasar Islam, raheeq maqtum and all the sahabahs stories AGAIN!!!! yes, again!!!

lots more to learn, and learning process should never jinakkan whatever potential that we have.

lets start seeing and viewing things with Allah's glasses.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia!!!

ya Allah! i seek for Your guidance and purification.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen.

amalgam

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

i was once felt that i've found what i've been seeking for long. i was later realised that i have finally found something that i will dedicate my life for. later i found the answers to all the questions that i've been pondering. and life was completely amazing. i smiled, looking on the stars, whispering, dear Allah, i've found you. and life was completely changing, i totally indulge in the life. alhamdulillah :)

bu later, when my sujud is no longer fill with tears, and i walk pass non-Muslims without whispering any doa, and look up for the sky heartlessly, i know that i've lost something. and that loss is a big loss, a total emptiness. Allah always love to keep us on the track. and He will do any test just to get us back on the track. those sahabahs and scholars, they too felt the something, but they fought, they lose, and they fought until they win. so do me, and us. life is tiring, it is. and i do wish that i can be in jannah soon, i can't wait to live happily without havng to struggle hard, and deal with people that gives me not just headache but even worse heartache. but the time and chance that Allah give me and us to survive in this world for a while should not be taking for granted. keep oving on. just move. keep on moving by all means, and praying, and force our hearts crying, longing for a purified heart, reciting the Quran whole-heartedly, remembering the hadith and practising them and live life in Allah's accordance. things are not gonna be easy, but Allah is listening, and He is monitoring, beong with us all the time. and we all should be shameful, for having the laziness, coz Allah never fail to give us a lot of nikmahs.

and we should all move by all means. may Allah keep guiding and opening our hearts for His path. may i fpund what i've loss, coz life means nothing without Him. indeed!

ya Allah,

this heart is sickening, and filling with the black dots. i seek for Your purification, forgiveness, and guidance.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia.

kehidupan. aku mahu terus hidup dan menghidupkan.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

hanya Dia. kerana Dia. cukup Dia.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Allah! Sungguh! Tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Dia. Allah sangat hebat. Dia akan terus menguji sehinggalah dalam hati kita hanya Ada Dia. Tanpa perlu bergantung pada manusia. Tanpa! Kita mungkin boleh mengadu, bercerita, berharap agar manusia faham Dan membantu tanpa kita sedar akhirnya mereka tak faham. Mereka tak beri pertolongan yang kita harapkan. Mereka tak faham situasi yang kita alami. Kita terlampau berharap, berharap pada manusia, sedang kita lupa, kepada Dia sepatutnya kita bergantung harap. Hanya Dia! Cukup Dia! Dia Maha Mendengar, mendengar sendu seorang hamba yang butuh akan pencerahan, sendu seorang hamba yang mengharapkan bimbingan. Sendu seorang hamba yang mengharapkan pertolongan tatkala merasakan dirinya sedang menuju ke jurang neraka.

Tak Senang. Susah. Sangat. Untuk kita berlari menuju Dia. Dalam diri terus ditarik oleh jahiliyyah yang tak pernah kenal penat. Berharap ada tangan-tangan yang akan lawan tarik tali dengan jahiliyyah. Tapi tiada. Allah izin begitu. Sebab Allah ingin kita sendiri. Ya Allah. Aku dah jauh sangat dari Kau. Aku menuju jurang kehinaan. Selamatkan aku. Kau takkan menzalimi hambaMu. Adu lah. Menangis lah. Tunduk dan sujudlah. Hanya pada Dia. Jangan diharap pada manusia. Mereka mungkin takkan berada tatkala jahiliyyah hampir menang. Jangan diharap pada ukhuwwah. Juga pada orang kita berukhuwwah. Bergantunglah pada Tuhan pemberi ukhuwwah.

Kita mungkin tak lagi seiringan sekarang. Kamu di hadapan, aku di belakang. Jangan takut dan sedih. Selagi aku punya Dia, aku akan terus berjalan. Walau aku hanya merangkak sedang kalian berlarian. Itu janji. Bukan pada kamu. Tapi pada Dia. Hanya Dia. Untuk Dia. Cukup Dia.