one soul

Allah.

i am writing this to myself. it's hard. full stop. it's the 5th day after the clod pillar operation started. and it's been 5 days that now only my mind full of things happened in Gaza. i was so into that before i decided to focus my work to build the ummah. it's hard to really have faith that this is my battle field. the fact that they don't need my presence there and the ummah here needs my presence. Allah. i try hard to believe in that but often i fail. i can't study. i feel hard to sleep. the thoughts on them are overwhelming me. i feel them. i feel me. we are just a soul. Allah. news and updates coming in and i just can;t afford to ignore. waiting for something uncertain. i don't know what do i hope actually. i am emotional, i know. but it just that. i know that i should plan hard. work and plan rationally while hoping for a better tomorrow. Allah. i know that their prayers are with me. for me to stay here and do my work as what i supposed to. Allah. i am clear and certain on what i am doing. why am i taking engineering. why am i studying Arabic. Insha Allah. i am certain about that. i try hard to believe. i try hard to work hard and have greater faith on what i am doing. even my battle field is full of wealth, i try hard to fight even though far from equal from them. Allah, to You i surrender myself. to You i hope for a greater faith. to You i pray for greater strength form me and for them to keep fighting for al Haq, wherever we are. Allah. let me and my generations be part of the liberation army from the invasion of Kuffar, wherever we are!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

assalamualaikum warahmatullah....

few weeks ago:

cried terribly seeing mr tan's pictures in Turkey. including captions. ya Allah sampaikanlah. i desperately need that...

few days ago:

someone gave me a business class ticket to Turkey. i was about to pack when suddenly my hand pressed the snooze button. cried. ya Allah, sampaikanlah....

yesterday:

edgi (a Turkish): u went to Yemen last summer?
ben (an English): i did.
edgi: i went to Palestine last summer.
me: what? u went to Palestine? serious?
edgi: I did.
me: what did you do over there?
edgi: we had a summer camp. helping the kids. we went there with our groups of pilots.
me: where on Palestine did you go?
edgi: Westbank. we stayed there for 3 months..

my heart was exploding. ya Allah. why so hard? a Turkish. went to Palestine. what a complete set.
and the trials to really beriman with this ayat increasing.

"And it does not beseem the believers that they should go forth all together; why should not then a company from every party from among them go forth that they may apply themselves to obtain understanding in religion, and that they may warn their people when they come back to them that they may be cautious"          (at-Taubah:122)

Allah. weak. i am. even a verse is hard for you to really accept open heartily and work into amal.

oh, ben and edgi are just 20. Allah. i try. i am trying my best actually to really beriman with that verse, accepting the fact that my battle field is here. accepting the fact that going to Gaza is not everything, that's not my goal, redha Allah is. and where ever i am, when ever it is, pleasing Allah is my only desire. astaghfirullah, how intelligent syaitan is. even going to Gaza can actually be wrong if the goal is to satisfy our heart, not Allah.

may Allah place me in Gaza or where ever place that He is please with. and may Allah allow me to meet the Palestinians where ever and  when ever He likes, if not here, insha Allah in the here after.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

To tetuan asmaa' :P

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

I am writing this to semaa' my chum.

It was the first day of Shawaal that Allah dragged my sights to this

And I paused. It took me a while to think on the book before I decided to read it back. I was just so curious to know why did I was so into the book.

Reading the book, going through chapters by chapters dragging me back to the year 2008, the feelings and the soul that I had that we shared together. I read the book with a big wonder, what does the book has that you and I was so into it.

It was in the 2nd shawaal that tears dropped after I finished the book. Alhamdulillah, Allah made me remember on the feelings and dreams that we shared together.

The book taught me and you to do things because of Allah. I remember our conversation regarding the book.

"i was speechless. It just so deep".
"indeed kan ? I feel that crazy. How can you do something because of Allah ?"
"and it's just that chal. Purely because of Allah".
"and u sacrifice even ur feelings. It's so deep".
"betul betul. It's about time. The world is so corrupt. And we gotta play our role".
"we can make the changes. To bring back people to Allah. To turn Malaysia to an Islamic country and to make Muslims really practice Islam".

And u made this drawing.

And I sat for my spm with that desire, desire to change the people. And I still keep the notes that u wrote to me before we left college.

4 years had passed my chum and alhamdulillah I'm glad that I'm moving towards our dreams. At times when I lost, i'll drag my soul to the days that we shared our thoughts. And Allah never fail to help me reminiscing the days, the dreams and most important the soul that we shared.

And I do hope that u too is stepping towards our desire. We are youths, and growing up is not easy I'm telling u. Things are hard, at times I fall but later I know that I have to keep on moving. At times, I do go astray, often I remember the "smallness" that we feel. And Allah is there guiding and keeping me to the right path. I am sure that Allah is taking care of us. He is the best protector after all. It's Faith :)

The next year I come back, it'll be 5 years. I feel so fast, yet me myself is not growing. We do have big dreams mate. We really wanna bring the changes. And the changes start from us.

I do hope to see u, to enlighten our souls and plan for bigger dreams. May Allah allow us so :)

I love you because of Allah,
chal