dan as sam kian menjengah

salam...



i don't know why i used dan in front of da sentence, salah tatabahasa i know but sounds sedap i guess, hehs....

as titled above, i've been thinking on this thing quite long but dunno why when raya is getting nearer, this thing comes across me so many times..... da fact that we will be living, yes i know but it's kinda hard to explain.... probably because i didn't treasure this ramadham much kot and i somehow pray very hard so that i have another chance to meet next ramadhan... honestly i still fail to feel the scent of ramadhan ..... and i suddenly scared... what if this will be my last ramadhan? and i wonder why we care on ramadhan more that other months>? u know we always think on what if this will be my last time to meet ramadhan? kenapa tak kita fikir, "will this be my last muharram? i think because ramadhan is a very special month, a bonus month and it's a waste if we neglect the opportunity isn't?

i still remember last year, i prayed hard to celebrate this raya not in malaysia, hehs.... teruk me... and somehow allah lisetened more to ma's doa rather than me but m lucky and thankful enough to have this opportunity to celebrate raya here and most important to see the unseen and to prepare myself before i lead myself..... but day by day, i seriously rasa pertambahan usia, da fact that we are getting old and when ma told me

"pak cik A dah meninggal"

"mak cik B sakit"

and even worst when ma told me that she's having this and that, i become panic most of the time, the fact that m not ready enough to lose her but then i asked myself again? why? and when i think it again, m sooo selfish, m scared of losing because i hate loneliness and i still need her to tell me thia and that.... and not because i don't love her, yes...... and this tell me one thing, how selfish i've been living for all this while..... reality bites but yeah as u grow older and u think deeper, u started to realise urself and ramadhan comes.... this self-reflection session becomes more meaningful....

chal hopes u manage to get the point.... m not that expressive because m BLUE=)

selamat hari raya people...

dear god, meet me and my family with next ramadhan and syawal..... ameen

and it goes on...

salam...

been a tiring day, slep during the whole journey.... n da day finally came, da day that m scared most... thinking and pondering on a lot of things..... and yeah, i had a nice dinner yesterday with makey, raihan and dym.... thanx for the day...

i miss my matriks life, the days that i was strong on inside but dunno what went wrong, i seem fail to see the unseen especially these few weeks.... and yeah, i keep on pondering and slapping myself to recall on my purpose of existence... the fact that m just an ordinary girl and how hard m trying to maintain my awareness..... and how hard m trying to go through this path, the path that i believe that i am destined to.... and how hard m trying to accept people around me, it's hard.... and i somehow pray that i can fly now, and now and end this journey ASAP but i know one thing when he decided to let me go through something, he knows that m capabled of dwelling upon it... insha allah..

i honestly dislike people to notify and recognize me somehow, but the fact that somehow there are people who believe in my capability especially to persuade people, it's hard especially when it comes to campaign and manifesto.... i definitely need to know people expectations and i definitely pray that i can still be myself without promising crap.... ameen... and i pray that he'll alleviate my path; leadership, academics, dunyah and akhirat... insha allah...

and people, life is hard, definitely and i believe that as long as we manage to see the unseen, we'll surely capable of surviving...

may allah bless u aishah