surviving=)

salam...



has been months, i know.... chal is soooo an idle, dunno.. feel so bad to blog, i mean blogging sometimes can be tiring, may be bcoz we gotta put our feeling in it kot, may be not for others but yes for me.... lots of thng happen, not that i wanna share but i just thnk that thnking too much about it is useless, let it be, hehs...



sem 1 has finished, done with it, ALhamdulillah, but spooky how time flies, hehs... i never thought that sem exam can be like spm, evryone study like hell n u can see people moving with books, stay up n etc.... man, i can't live with it, hehs...... unlike them, i was busy with the tickets, yes i incharge on da tickets, hehs... went to Pudu friday n sunday, getting da tickets done, buka counter, call people etc,... n i learnt a lot of thngs throught out my life as welfare bureau n Alhamdulillah, little by little, i manage to eradicate myself from the coll shell n i thank Allah for that =) being a collegian(once a collegian always a collegian rite?), i got so many do's n don't's.. but afta being one of da mpp's i need to leave some of them n i found it difficult at da fst place... if before ths i ignore all da unkown no, i walk straight without gvng glance dekat people, i don't gv a damn on wut happen to coll but now da situation hs changed at least 180dgrees, heeeeeeeeeeeeee....



as welfare bureau, commonly knows as someone u can always rely on, i gotta change myself little by little.... i started to get myself ok wif all da unknown no, normally dealing wif tckets, i started to walk wif at least a smile n now Alhamdulillah, i can deal with boys normally, no more cuak tho their voice sgt lah menakutkan =p... but most important, now i know on how to deal wif diff people n wut u need is patience, yeap i got da passion for all ths while but now m cultvatng patience =) n i thank Allah for giving me the opportunity to improve myself for da better =)



n i love my mpp family =) we are complementing each other, n i found that Allah has been allevaiting my path, my task n my life, Alhamdulillah =) n thanx to my mpp family for always there to lend their hand, special thanks to:



DEEB- for sticking up =)

TAPAH- for helping me out wif ur bernas idea =)

ADRI- for ur presence n for sharing ur xperiences =)

FATS- for coloring my life =)

GOH- for pushing my work to the limit =)

SYED- for being da coolest along ever =)

SYAKIR- for invegilating my work, feel secured =)

FIZREE- for always asking on my progress =)

BESSI- for helping me out wif da announcements =)

JANNAH- for always make me feel nearer to HIm =)

ALIIMRAN- for actvating my creative part =)

FAZMI- for making me feel that life is sooo easy =)

KHAi- for making me realise on my s****** to live in coll shell =)

SAM- for helping me out wif my english =)

n yeah.. thanx guys... hope ths everlast bond will help us through out our journey to accomplish our mission, making global players with malaysian identity =), insha Allah



n i can't deny da fact that sometimes i do feel like flagging, sated n even jaded =( n when ths come, i always wish that i can go to matrix n have fun wif others, ok i know that it soundss so wrong, matrix life is even busier, hehs... dunno... i do miss them, muazzam my KP?? funny yet alim in his own way, the one that always remind me =) PQ, n nasi ekonomi.. =) wawa n his loghat penang, balik evry week =), een n her scandal yg banyak nak mampos =), wanie a KISASian tapi still gila =), bro afiq yg sengal =), k echah, n lots more to mention =))) i love u guys tho we are far far away, do tell me whenever u guys nak buat reunion =)



n i do feel that KMPP is soooo homey.... its nice to be there, duno.. i usually hypnotized whenevr da mak cik use loghat utara in conversation, dunno, may be i usually forget that loghat utara can't just be spoken only at home, hehs.. stupid i know... i miss kmpp..... i was sooo thrifty when i was there, impressive i know but now...... man, chal is getting crazier especially wif da food =))))



afta chatting wif alya, i feel glad n lucky to be in KMB, to be given da opportunity to live in community that encourage me to be good, usrah n cera,ah are compulsary, Alhamdulillah... n for all ths while, i thought coll is a good islamic environment, i thought we've been practising Islam fully in coll but i was soooooooooooooooo wrong... n i find it difficult to adapt wif life here, i wanna be good n i know that i gotta be but i thnk it justttttttt so hard to follow the seniors n i've decided to make it in my own way, m giving myself time for that, n insha Allah.... wearing socks, eating in dulang, kiss dekat cheek n wut more u name it, da thngs that we never did in coll n it just sooo hard n i find that the seniors areeee sooo nice, they don't lawan if da boys shushing n ths makes me sgt lah geram.... but never mind, m adapting wif it =), isnha Allah....



oh, my stats teacher, mr Bada, halau me 2 times from class, stupid n funny i know but wut to do, hehs.... in KMB, they got stereotypes on medic n engine students, hehs... n m proud to be known as an engineering student, hahahahha/// i know zack will surely piss wif ths, but hey thats da reality, engine n medic is sooooooooooooo different =)



gtg, dats da update so far....

chal is still leaving Alhamdulillah

n she'll continue surviving in her Ib life, insha Allah...

m scared of changing but if thats wut it takes to be better, i'll do it...

chal hopes that u manage to see the unseen =)

and it goes on...

salam...

been a tiring day, slep during the whole journey.... n da day finally came, da day that m scared most... thinking and pondering on a lot of things..... and yeah, i had a nice dinner yesterday with makey, raihan and dym.... thanx for the day...

i miss my matriks life, the days that i was strong on inside but dunno what went wrong, i seem fail to see the unseen especially these few weeks.... and yeah, i keep on pondering and slapping myself to recall on my purpose of existence... the fact that m just an ordinary girl and how hard m trying to maintain my awareness..... and how hard m trying to go through this path, the path that i believe that i am destined to.... and how hard m trying to accept people around me, it's hard.... and i somehow pray that i can fly now, and now and end this journey ASAP but i know one thing when he decided to let me go through something, he knows that m capabled of dwelling upon it... insha allah..

i honestly dislike people to notify and recognize me somehow, but the fact that somehow there are people who believe in my capability especially to persuade people, it's hard especially when it comes to campaign and manifesto.... i definitely need to know people expectations and i definitely pray that i can still be myself without promising crap.... ameen... and i pray that he'll alleviate my path; leadership, academics, dunyah and akhirat... insha allah...

and people, life is hard, definitely and i believe that as long as we manage to see the unseen, we'll surely capable of surviving...

may allah bless u aishah

orang kita =)

salam...

suppose to write this long time ago but as usual m an idle, hehs..

well, m doing my external CAS at SK bukit tampoi(A), the A represents orang asli definitely..... i felt nervous at first, wonder on their perception and etc, takut definitely but after all, i started to enjoy and understand them, just that i need to be more patience and increase my passion on teaching, it's hard to build up their awareness... i find it hard to teach them ABC and 123... how to make them remember that that is A, i wonder often definitely, hehs..... special credit to my kindergarden teacher who taught me ABC because that rudimentary thingy has helped me damn a lot..... m going there every fortnight and now i know teachers' pressure on preparing hand out etc necause we definitely need to have different activities.... n now i realise that i do have the "creative" blood in me n i definitely need to polish them up, insha allah... and yeah, thank god for everything, truly, u're the creator......

and yeah, i sang in front of the class with my groupmates, "kiss me"... merepek and i definitely dislike it, against my principe but had fun with it lah..... and for malay, we study Malay and drama, man.... need to act..... god, segan nak mampos eventho i know that i can do that... dah lah suddenly need to be a romantic wife, like sengal gell and my classmates were eager to see my facial expressions, wonder why, hehs....

i did my quiz badly, serious.... but i know that i can't be an idle anymore, i'll change, definitely

i am fasting, definitely and forcing myself to hayati ramadhan.... i miss ramadhan in Bukit Merbah, definitely....

i feel like going to overseas right now, Loughborough will surely be my next destination, insha allah... need to wait for 2 years, hopefully i'll be fine....

classes are fine eventho i happened to tak puas hati with a few classmates dulu, never mind, i'll be fine with them....

i seriously miss to talk on politics, been sangat berkarat on current issues, feel bad on that but i definitely is not going to spend my life on that, need some space doh....

been busy with my living, feel bad on that, need to find time for my life later on...

i finally realise that IB is what i am destined to.... feel fun doing that, insha allah...

i seriously hope that we'll be together and i pray that everything will be as planned, ameen

i feel lazy and stupid fb and etc... sorry guys, chal is an idle..... u guys can find me here, hehs

ramadhan al mubarak to everyone, may we manage to maintain and increase our momentum to next ramadhan...

i currently helping Tsla to understand islam better, pray for that

i wonder how people in matriks sahur and berbukan, i miss u guys and the teh o ais...

i miss raihan and dym....

chal hopes that we manage to see the unseen behind ramadhan, may allah bless

bukit again......

salam.....

has been a while, not exactly in the mood but just feel like putting it out..... in banting now, hell much difeerent compared to bukit merbah, oh here is bukit changgang..... surrounded by kelapa sawit, never had any outing sooo far, kinda lazy, hehs....

life is different, not that easy, in fact i do miss bukit merbah, what more kmpp.... drop the facilities part, no need to mention; it's hell different compared to bukit merbah.... no more ironing room, no more luggage room, pantry, and even towel racks.... lots more too mention but well there must be reasons, may be thousands why he is sending me here, probably to be mmore thankful with what i have..... and people said that bukit changgang is gonna change ur life n i wonder what kind of changes that m gonna face.... hehs

i miss dining halll damn much eventho panas nak mampus........ at least, it's clean, veryyyy clean.... credit to the pakcik n mak cik who mop the floor twice a day using DETTOL..... no wonder we can get A.... now i value ur hardwork n definitely ur pleasant smile.... eventho sometimes mak cik-mak cik do membebel when u ask for more food, hahaha..... somehow, i am thankful to have "dewan selera", yeah, delicious food is not ur main focus, we eat to live and not the other way right? hahaha

it's an islamic territory if i can say, hopefully i can be a better person n this will be the platform for me to prepare myself for the atrocious world.... hopefully... n even for agama, the ayat hafazan is tough, we have to finish kan juz 30, kinda good training especially for my memory.... ustaz is teaching me, can't really predict him so far but hopefully he can answers my questions like ustaz najmi did..... n the nakibahs are all fine, just that in here u need to seek for it, nothing comes easy in life after all, i know....

i think the biggest difference between bukit merbah and bukit changgang is the seniors..... man, i still can't accept that the seniors are fine, i know that i should be thankful but somehow it's scarying me.... we used to live with seniority n u know that u have to respect n u can't be arrogant, u need to be tough n they're not gonna pamper u, u can't merengek-rengek with them n lots more life that we had back in bukit merbah..... but here, it's 270 degrees change.... n i have to admit that i still takut with the seniors..... still takut to gelak when they make jokes n all bcoz i can still remember,"the jokes are ours".... aiyoo... need to live with it....

classes are fine...... being an engineering student, having the boys as the majority is something inevitable but the awkwardness is still there, i sometimes forget their presence and live as in i still in bukit merbah,... reality bites but i hope that i'll get use to it.... zack, bazy, ainzu n i even scared to hear them laughing out loud.... we usually leave the dining hall ASAp when we hear that, pathetic.... i know.... hahaha

IB is not that easy but i know one thing THINGS WILL NEVER BE EASIER I JUST NEED TO BE BETTER.... but the seniors keep on telling us that life here is hectic, but i guess they never had one before.... it's gonna be college life again.... working nad studying at weee hours n atc.... tiring, hectic yet meaningful n enjoyful life is gonna start soon, may be next week n i promise that i'll handle it finely, insha allah...

zack, bazy, dinie presence as merbahians will soehow give me strength to fight, to keep the college flag flying up high eventho it's kinda hard here... it's not just abput making a living, it's about making a life..... it's gonna be important, meaningful, tiring, hectic n challenging life but well i have strong reasons why i hvave to do it..... i guess the palestinians' tears is a good reason for us to study well, ..... n yeah, hopefull, Loughborough will be my next destination..... ameen

"if u think u can; u can, it u think u can't; u're right".....
"do u think that u'll enter paradise while such trial has not come to you as came to those who passed on before you? they were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until messenger and those who believed with him said,"whenis the help of allah?" unquestionably, the help of allah is NEAR".....

after all, what i'll be facing is tooo little but i know one thing, he is always there, for me, anytime, anywhere...... ily=)

it's char kuey teow =)

salam...

didn't plan to write this post, che' we was suppose to do so but daaa, she's too busy with study, kan che' we? hehs... never mind, it's memorable lah, just because of food, specifically char kuey teow... who knows that this is our first step when it comes to altruism right? may be it will be on islam one day, insha allah

i arrived kmpp aroud 4 n texted che' we on our plan to get the bes char kuey teow in town... she said everything will be as planned and we'll gather at cafe b around 5.... n as usual, i was the firs one to arrive there waiting until 5.10... hahaha.... n guess what, che' we was in brown. me in pink n both mell n meirul in black*wink* hahaha

mission: makan char kuey teow in sungai dua
date: 06062009
time: 1700
participants: mell(da char kuey teow addict), meirul(da penjaga keselamatan), che' we(da pengikut yang setia) n chalym(da penunjuk jalan)

1715- we scanned our matrix card, waited patiently for the bus to come... buses came but none is going to sunga dua... need to wait for some time

1745- a bus came, rangkaian setia, da uncle invited us to ride together with pasar malam people... i started to panic, sungai dua n pasar malam tak lalu jalan yang sama kan uncle?

1800- reached pasar malam, some of da kmpp students rode n ready to go back to kmpp, dane.... che' we comforted me, never mind chal, it's gonna be alrite... haha

1810- DANE!!! we reached kmpp, this will be a funny story then.... i estimated the time, it will be impossible for us to eat at the stall, urged che' we to ask the guard, will it be ok if we check in late? n da staid pak guard said" tak boleh, hagpa masuk lambat, pak cik tahan kad"... biting the bullet, redha, we just wanna eat, not more than that... talked to the uncle n bla... bla...

1815- the uncle stopped us at the police station..." u follow this jalan, dekat saja".... crossed the road n kept on telling them dekat je but i know the kejauhan actually.... god, it will take us 3km..... never mind, gave them hoping smile, dekat je.... hahaha

1830- mell n meirul started to bising,, how far is far chalym? hahaha... smiled again, dekat je... we can even see the bumbung... n mell still don't wanna give up, u go girl!!! char kuey teow
=)

1840- reached the stall, it is impossible to eat there, need to take away, never mind, we just need the char kuey teow... i had teh o ais, mell had her drink n same goes to che' we but meirul had the three,... gila...

1850- char kuey teow is done.... but how are we going back....dane..... che' we stopped a bus, city liner n we rode it... asked the pak cik where the bus is heading to? kuala nerang....alamak....
"pak cik lalu pongsu seribu tak?"
"lalu, lalu"
"kmpp?"
"oh tak, taak pa, sat gi hangpa turun kat simpang keling, tahab UTC"
"ok"
i tried to figure where on earth is simpang keling.... gosh.... it will be 5 km from kmpp.... n i talked to the pak cik, showed off my abilities to use loghat utara =p

1900- reached the simpang... n meirul started to bising.. mell suggested to balik to her kampung in simpang empat... i have no idea where it is... but meirul refused, i didn't bring my bio book n m gonna have bio quiz on monday... che' we just smiled... whatever it is, dah lambat... we need to bite the bullet... the three started to ask me how far will it be.?.... i smiled, dekat je... n showed them signboard.....sh*t... 5 km chalym? nak suruh kitorang jalan? yes, we have to, dekat je... hahahah

1910- walked n found a lot of bangkai(inhaling the bau) dane,... dah lah maghrib nanti jumpa hantu che' we=p..... mell n meirul were left at the back.... n suddenly... dane, we spotted a tempting red "bangkai".... demoralise gila, memalukan.... meirul looked n as expected, he became energetic, left mell hundreds km at the back.... luckily, abus came, we waved like crazy n thank god, the uncle stopped.... god is helping us, i know

1920- reached kmpp safely, alhamdulillah but....."tolong tinggal kad nah, hangpa lambat sangat"... speechless but we managed to gelak..... kinda used to it....haha

1930- walked to kedsis to get mineral water n fork n spoon... meirul was quiet... we started to rasa guilty... " sorry, aku tak biasa buat salah".... we were speechless again... boy, we are sorry.... eventho he said tak kisah but he actually kisah.... troublemaniac betul.... went to D'pongsu... heard azan, decided to perform our solat then only makan.... che' we jagakan the food dekat surau.....

2000- gathered at D'pongsu.... meirul opened the bungkusan hungrily n may be angrily =p..we were waiting for his respond, jangan marah dah... n i was hoping that he'll say sedap... if not m gonna live with guilt for months.... n after the first suap, he looked at us satisfiedly... nasib baik sedap, hilang bad mood aku..... lupa habis pasal matrix card..... thank god for helping us.....cuak n scary jugak when boy bad mood

2030- cucu came n ate his share, sedap... sedap.... released, thankful... all in one....talked n chat.... everyone said that we are crazy.... never mind, the best char kuey teow in town kot.... hahaha
2100- back to the room... performed solat isyak n etc....

2115- gathered at dataran.... need to see the guard for kunci bilik tutor.... n the guard asked meirul to leave matrix card., "tadi kan pak cik dah ambil?" hahahaha

2120- arrived bilik tutoran n studied like nothing happen.... hahahaha

hahaha, we pretended like kmpp tak de char kuey teow je, hahaha... definitely kmpp has that, kinda sedap pon but we did it just because it's free n it's da most delicious, hahaha...
met en tajuddin on tuesday's night... definitely kena blaber, but naaaa, not a big deal, kami makan je... hahaha

u see, how people can be so motivated just because of food... no wonder people in somalia n africal willing to walk for miles just for a loaf of bread.... but after all, it's worth..... this somehow taught us..... it's not that easy to search for something... who said that makan senag je? we have to walked for miles n need to serahkan our beloved matrix cads to stern en tajuddin... that's da price that we have to pay for enam bungkus char kuey teow.... =)

tho it just char kuey teow, chal hopes that u manage to see the unseen =)

it's not that easy :/

salam....

yes, da time comes like allah has promised, leaving kmpp is not that easy, so not.... m typing this in my room, layan my feelings and all. i somehow miss doing assignments, ramble with mell, nik, che' we, meirul, miemie n also meon. dunno, in a way, we complement each other... but people u just have lost one piece as for me, i am left alone. but i know when he decided it that way, he is replacing all of us with something better, who knows that KMB will fulfill my soul? he knows it well right?

honestly, i love to be in da education system very much eventho that usually gives me a lot of pressure but somehow that makes me feel closer to him, yes i know that u can get close to him anywhere, but daaa..... u usually remember him when u're in danger situation or a situation that u feel hard to handle... i often wonder when can i meet someone who shares the same soul, i mean mature, yes that's da precise word... somehow maturity is super duper important but somehow i love to layan the merengek-rengek(yes mell, nik... i don't mind) even when meirul stress with chem.... che' we u seldom look stressful but who knows inside right? haha

after a worthy month, i can conclude that god had given me more that i hope... i don't only get new friends but i become closer to merbahians which i seldom wish to do so... n i can't believe that i went to library every nite during my days back in kmpp... having great lecturers n amazing friends are among the greatest reasons for people to be thankful to, but i should be more for having the chance to have a companion who helped me to fulfill my soul, searching n improving my understanding on islam n etc... n for this religious thingy, special thanks to che' we for accompanying me to surau, i just can't imagine if i don't have u around since m sure u know that i hate to walk alone right? hehs.... not to forget my KP, muazzam for answering my questions n all, u helped me a lot, thanks... n also wanie, KISAS girl who also helped me.... and most important, thanx to nik, mell, che' we, meirul n H6P4 members for teaching me a lot of things either directly or indirectly, it's kinda hard to explain but i learn that actually we are different kan, yes i know everyone knows that but it's different when u understand it through ur heart... i learn to accept each other's weaknesses n one should never look down on others n most important we really need to complement each other, thanx allah for teaching me this.. it's among the greatest lessons in ur life ever...
to nik, che' we, mell n meirul... i really mean everything that i wrote tau? n to H6P4, i don't feel like writing it, let me make it into a post, that sounds better right, hehs?

n special dedication to mell, nik, che' we n meirul- till the day we meet again

Declan Galbraith : Till the day we meet again
Well here we are, just time for one more song,
Before another show is thru’
It's too bad the curtain has to fall, It's been a perfect day with you

So dance and let the music play, until we meet another day.

Chorus:
So don't say goodbye, there is no need to cry
The love we share will never end
Because you and me, we'll have this memory
One we can turn to now and then
Till the day we meet again

So raise your hands and sing along with me
I dedicate these words to you
It feels as though I've known you all my life, yet this magic is so new

So please remember when I say, good friends are never far away

Chorus.

No looking back with regret, cos today, I've found here with you something I'll never forget, won't forget

Chorus.
Till the day we meet again

even if we meet again pon, da situation will be hell different right? but i pray to him to give us da chance, insha allah eventho it's not in KMPP, we can't never repeat da time that we had right? leaving is not that easy, i prefer to be left because i usually prepared for that, but i wonder do people that i leave prepared for that.... but he knows it well right...

oh... i had kuliah zohor this afternoon n da chemistry lecturer said that girls are like pens.... it's an interesting question and may i have the time to elaborate further on it... insha allah

n i remember lukman's advise towards his son.... don't go to "keramaian" as it will remind u on dunyah but do visit funeral proceesions as it will remind u on akhirat... chal hopes that u mange to see the unseen :)

it's matriks life :)

salam....

this will be my final week in matriks, sedih? hell i am... honestly, i have ambivalence feelings towards my scholarship. happy? yes, because they will be sending me to uk if only i perform well in banting but sad because i have to live kmpp. after all, kmpp is great, hell it is....

it's nice to be here.... m a bit rush, but this post will be as gratitude to people who light my days here, sungguh anda pasti diingati, insha allah

che' we- my good friend, surprise how we can get close kan? amble down to surau together, share problems and all, walk to kuliah and isi air together, i'll miss those moment damn much, hope u'll keep on going to surau, n hope u'll find a new companion... be strong girl, i know u can... 4.0 is so possible for u, take care of ur health, be patience n i know u'll do great in ur exam, see u in aussie next 2 years, insha allah

nik- my housemate, will miss u alot girl, seriously... hope that u'll help them with english. i know u can do well in bio, no doubt but i hope u'll do great in calculation as well, no choice kan girl? i love to nag with u, eventho sometimes u vex me alot, but tak pernah kisah pon.... u go girl, see u in uk soon, insha allah... thanks a lot for helping me out with english, owe u that

mell- u serioulsy like my sister... don't give up girl, i'll miss ur merengek-rengek, see u in aussie jugak later.... i know u're actually good in calculation, love maths as much as u do to bio.... u'll make it, seriously.... just one year, don't pressure urself too much. get enough sleep tau? it's very important.... u can do it

meirul- wonder how we can close kan? u go dude... u need to adapt to the surrounding soon, don't wallow in self pity lama-lama. it won't give much help to u... i know that matriks is like a mistake to u but u have no other choices, u need to live with it... success is a constant movement, force urself a little bit... iknow u can do it, help my friends jugak, little by little... moga hidayah allah bersama anda.... see u in france one day, insha allah... u'll be a great army, insha allah but bere in ur mind that in order for u to change the world, u urself need to change first, understang ur self bebetul... u'l be a man soon, insha allah

H6P4- i'll make a special post about u guys , insha allah... may we succeed insha allah

thanx guys for everything. after all, to be inmatriks is so not a mistake n i thank allah for giving me this opportunity. bye kmpp.. thank u for teaching me lessons, may i'll be successful... ameen