assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

second eid adha away from home. i was suffocating actually. trying hardly to really understand what eid adha is supposed to mean. may Allah forgive me for my weaknesses to really treasure eid adha.

had a rush early in the morning. alhamdulillah, listening to the khutbah asleep. but something is missing, i just don't know what. and Allah comforted my by giving me  a chance to perform solat beside a sister, from Turkey i guess. and after giving salam, she quickly shaked my hands, kissed me and greated me with eid mubarak. bliss. i just couldn't explain. hearing someone praying for my goodness is really a bliss. being love. may Allah reward you with greatness sister. but sooner later, the atmosphere was filled with selamat hari raya wishes. Allah. i just couldn't take it. no, no. this is not what i am seearching for. it couldn't be just a plain selamat hari raya wishes. plain. dull. you say it all. i tried searching for other muslims, greating them with eid muabarak. and alhamdulillah, arabic class in the evening enlighten me.

journey to cardiff. i was exhausted to be honest. too tired actually. listening to the recordings, trying hard not to asleep but unfortunately dozzed off. and i was plain at that time. praying full heartedly that Allah will teach me something for this eid. teach me something big this eid. i want to treasure eid by heart.

and waking up from sleep in mosque. Allah. what a bliss!

had taujih on ISK. jubilant. menghidupkan hati yang telah lama mati dengan himmah dan hamasah.

had a wrap from a Palestinian who owned a restaurant. Allah! and before i left the shop, the owner greeted me with Fi amanillah. another doa, alhamdulillah.

my ticket back to coventry was via birmingham. i was supposed to take any train that will stop at birmingham and change it before taking another train to coventry. but i've gotta change twice. Allah. i don't want. i want to change once. i am just too tired. and i wanna have a long sleep. i was supposed to change at bristol parkway, the ticket collector told me that but i refused. i chose to sleep till reading.

i was in the train and waiting for the ticket collector. greeted him and allowing him to check on my ticket.before something that really made me ponder all the way back.

"u've taken the wrong way!"
"what?" (yes. i know.)
"u should be taking train via birmingham. i'll let u off today. but somebody might not in future".
"yes. thank you very much".

and that's the biggest tarbiyyah for my journey to cardiff. i was just too tired, and i just wanna get rest. but i've taken the wrong way. rehat kan di syurga?

thank you Allah for that. truly enlighten my day after i was just thinking about relaxing. getting enough sleep.

a big reminder for myself. alhamdulillah, it was from ticket driver. imagine in the day of akhirah, when Allah said, "u've taken the wrong way"

na'uzubillah. Allah.

keep us on the right path.
the path of those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors. not of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray.
(Al-Fatiha:6,7)

alhamdulillah, Al-Fatiha means deeper to me now.

sunnguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

assalamualaikum warahmatullah....

few weeks ago:

cried terribly seeing mr tan's pictures in Turkey. including captions. ya Allah sampaikanlah. i desperately need that...

few days ago:

someone gave me a business class ticket to Turkey. i was about to pack when suddenly my hand pressed the snooze button. cried. ya Allah, sampaikanlah....

yesterday:

edgi (a Turkish): u went to Yemen last summer?
ben (an English): i did.
edgi: i went to Palestine last summer.
me: what? u went to Palestine? serious?
edgi: I did.
me: what did you do over there?
edgi: we had a summer camp. helping the kids. we went there with our groups of pilots.
me: where on Palestine did you go?
edgi: Westbank. we stayed there for 3 months..

my heart was exploding. ya Allah. why so hard? a Turkish. went to Palestine. what a complete set.
and the trials to really beriman with this ayat increasing.

"And it does not beseem the believers that they should go forth all together; why should not then a company from every party from among them go forth that they may apply themselves to obtain understanding in religion, and that they may warn their people when they come back to them that they may be cautious"          (at-Taubah:122)

Allah. weak. i am. even a verse is hard for you to really accept open heartily and work into amal.

oh, ben and edgi are just 20. Allah. i try. i am trying my best actually to really beriman with that verse, accepting the fact that my battle field is here. accepting the fact that going to Gaza is not everything, that's not my goal, redha Allah is. and where ever i am, when ever it is, pleasing Allah is my only desire. astaghfirullah, how intelligent syaitan is. even going to Gaza can actually be wrong if the goal is to satisfy our heart, not Allah.

may Allah place me in Gaza or where ever place that He is please with. and may Allah allow me to meet the Palestinians where ever and  when ever He likes, if not here, insha Allah in the here after.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen