SALJ!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

 

I am writing this to myself and you. It's been months since I last write. That reflects how drain I am, perhaps.

 

It's been snowing for 5 days, since Friday. It stops for a while. I walk on the snow while some are still falling. I look out the window from my room, and that tiny little drops mesmerize me. Snow is not the reason why i am here. really! That contributes to why I wasn't that exciting since my first snow. But when that little drops keep on coming, I strongly believe that Allah is teaching me something. something that i try to find even until now.

For the first few days of snow, I keep on thinking on what do I learn from the snow. i gotta walk to university. It's slippery. It makes the journey even harder. I was whispering through out my journey, Allah is teaching that no matter how atrocious life is, life goes on. I have to go on. I have to keep on moving. Regardless of the unfavourable weather, the cold, the slippery pathways. LIFE GOES ON!

My stance was changed on Friday. I got out early in the morning for group discussion. Striving to be there as early as possible but 20 minutes late. the discussion wasn't that satisfactory. I was about to pack my stuffs and leave for the Friday prayer. It's been months since i last sit down properly, listening to the khatib. My group mate told me that classes are cancelled. I was smirking. Thinking and pondering. I walked into the prayer hall, listened to the khatib. I felt tranquil. khutbah ended and I knew that the tough journey home started. Allah! the snow was heavy, I walked full hearted. The traffic was terrible, and for the first time in my life here, I saw traffic jam from university to home. Everyone was looking at  me weirdly. Very few people walked in the snow because people don't walk in heavy snow!. The snow was thick. I keep on walking. tired! slippery! as I moved, my mind kept thinking.  I never thought that university and city would be paralysed just because of snow. It is tiny. But they are not. Seeing that little drop, I wouldn't expect that little drop when unite could drive human paralysed! serious. I kept walking. It is surprising that finally human admitted their weaknesses and surrender the nature. and I wonder, if people can follow nature, why can't they surrender to the creator of nature?

"akhirnya manusia tunduk kepada alam,

mari tunduk kepada Tuhan pencipta alam"

people started posting pictures on facebook. I got annoyed may be. some started sharing this verse.

"Have you not seen how God drives along the clouds, then joins them together, then makes them into a stack, and then you see the rain come out of it? And He sends down from the sky mountain masses (of clouds) with cold hail in them, striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills. The brightness of His lightning almost blinds the sight."
(The Qur'an, 24:43)

alhamdulillah, people realised that the snow is from Allah. no, I'm not going to repeat what others have said. i just want to highlight " striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills"

Going through the verse again and again, Allah allows me to ponder. He lets the snow strike me with His wills. That is a true reminder! it is His wills for me to witness snow. It is His wills that keeps me living. It His wills that makes me who i am today. And with His wills, to Him i should return.

That's the biggest lesson i learn from MR. Salj. Amazing how that little drop is actually from His wills, and even mesmerize when every tiny little drop that i see is in His accordance.

thank you Allah for the biggest, beautiful lesson. i know that You want me to keep in remembering You through Sunshine and snow, come thunder and strong wind.

from You i came, to You i shall return, and may You give me strength to live in the present for You...

ya Allah,

may every little whitey drop that You are sending, improve my iman and make me closer to You and be among the believers.

sungguh. tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

 

p/s/s: iman itu licin macam salji tak?

one soul

Allah.

i am writing this to myself. it's hard. full stop. it's the 5th day after the clod pillar operation started. and it's been 5 days that now only my mind full of things happened in Gaza. i was so into that before i decided to focus my work to build the ummah. it's hard to really have faith that this is my battle field. the fact that they don't need my presence there and the ummah here needs my presence. Allah. i try hard to believe in that but often i fail. i can't study. i feel hard to sleep. the thoughts on them are overwhelming me. i feel them. i feel me. we are just a soul. Allah. news and updates coming in and i just can;t afford to ignore. waiting for something uncertain. i don't know what do i hope actually. i am emotional, i know. but it just that. i know that i should plan hard. work and plan rationally while hoping for a better tomorrow. Allah. i know that their prayers are with me. for me to stay here and do my work as what i supposed to. Allah. i am clear and certain on what i am doing. why am i taking engineering. why am i studying Arabic. Insha Allah. i am certain about that. i try hard to believe. i try hard to work hard and have greater faith on what i am doing. even my battle field is full of wealth, i try hard to fight even though far from equal from them. Allah, to You i surrender myself. to You i hope for a greater faith. to You i pray for greater strength form me and for them to keep fighting for al Haq, wherever we are. Allah. let me and my generations be part of the liberation army from the invasion of Kuffar, wherever we are!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

second eid adha away from home. i was suffocating actually. trying hardly to really understand what eid adha is supposed to mean. may Allah forgive me for my weaknesses to really treasure eid adha.

had a rush early in the morning. alhamdulillah, listening to the khutbah asleep. but something is missing, i just don't know what. and Allah comforted my by giving me  a chance to perform solat beside a sister, from Turkey i guess. and after giving salam, she quickly shaked my hands, kissed me and greated me with eid mubarak. bliss. i just couldn't explain. hearing someone praying for my goodness is really a bliss. being love. may Allah reward you with greatness sister. but sooner later, the atmosphere was filled with selamat hari raya wishes. Allah. i just couldn't take it. no, no. this is not what i am seearching for. it couldn't be just a plain selamat hari raya wishes. plain. dull. you say it all. i tried searching for other muslims, greating them with eid muabarak. and alhamdulillah, arabic class in the evening enlighten me.

journey to cardiff. i was exhausted to be honest. too tired actually. listening to the recordings, trying hard not to asleep but unfortunately dozzed off. and i was plain at that time. praying full heartedly that Allah will teach me something for this eid. teach me something big this eid. i want to treasure eid by heart.

and waking up from sleep in mosque. Allah. what a bliss!

had taujih on ISK. jubilant. menghidupkan hati yang telah lama mati dengan himmah dan hamasah.

had a wrap from a Palestinian who owned a restaurant. Allah! and before i left the shop, the owner greeted me with Fi amanillah. another doa, alhamdulillah.

my ticket back to coventry was via birmingham. i was supposed to take any train that will stop at birmingham and change it before taking another train to coventry. but i've gotta change twice. Allah. i don't want. i want to change once. i am just too tired. and i wanna have a long sleep. i was supposed to change at bristol parkway, the ticket collector told me that but i refused. i chose to sleep till reading.

i was in the train and waiting for the ticket collector. greeted him and allowing him to check on my ticket.before something that really made me ponder all the way back.

"u've taken the wrong way!"
"what?" (yes. i know.)
"u should be taking train via birmingham. i'll let u off today. but somebody might not in future".
"yes. thank you very much".

and that's the biggest tarbiyyah for my journey to cardiff. i was just too tired, and i just wanna get rest. but i've taken the wrong way. rehat kan di syurga?

thank you Allah for that. truly enlighten my day after i was just thinking about relaxing. getting enough sleep.

a big reminder for myself. alhamdulillah, it was from ticket driver. imagine in the day of akhirah, when Allah said, "u've taken the wrong way"

na'uzubillah. Allah.

keep us on the right path.
the path of those upon whom Thou hast bestowed favors. not of those upon whom Thy wrath is brought down, nor of those who go astray.
(Al-Fatiha:6,7)

alhamdulillah, Al-Fatiha means deeper to me now.

sunnguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen

Allah!

a few things in my mid, but they are taking lots of spaces in my mind. i really need to sort things out. i miss Allah badly, and i truly feel that i am such His weakest creation. this is life, i have been wasting ages and i really need to utilise whatever time left now. changes are just so hard. the attractions are just so tremendous yet the imaan is just so little.

Allah,
U know how tiny and useless i am, and U know how terribly i need You. do guide me, help me to seek for ur taufiq, help me to keep myself on the right path. and help me to face all the hardships. i don't mind all these struggles, mehnah and tribulation as long as i have You.

Allah,
lots of things to be done. lots in the list to be improved. yet time is getting less and less. please, in this time left, help me to keep myself on the right path. help me to build and shape myself closer to Your beloved. and even if i fall; which i always do, please don't let me go astray.

i wanna see You. i want to be with You. i am longing for a date with You. do accept my wish to be with You.

Allah,
i am weak. and You are The strongest.

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen