to-work-on

assalamualaikum warahmatullah

in the night of 24th Ramadhan. i can't never thank Allah enough fo rgiving such a nice feeling about Ramadhan. i don't know, it's hard to describe. welcoming ramadhan with too many things to juggle and with "nice" weather here in Malaysia, i have mix feelings towards Ramdhan. only Allah knows and may He forgive me for that.

the first weekend home after 5 weekends away. masha Allah. i don't know. there are just too many things to think on. it wasn't many, it might be just 5 or 6, may be up to 10 but that things are not just tiny. Allah knows where best to put His servants. all the things in mind need details. i can't just think, but to work on the details, and i can't just work on the details but to think further on the implementation. and i struggle that a lot. trying my best to co-relate each things because they are seriously related. trying my best to give the best that i can. ya Allah, help me for that.

living home with family around, u just can't run away from indulging with the thougths, worries and concerns that they have. i'm trying my best to understand how things work. trying to recall on how i used to be before i was 13. too bad that i can't. i am sorry for that. i hope changes are for better.

having friends around are something that u need to fully utilise. this is the part on which i fail the most. i am sorry for that guys. reaching malaysia without informing anybody and went to Kl few times without meeting anyone, i am sorry for that. my bad. i'm trying to work it out. been home since the end of June without old friends around home not knowing that. i am sorry again. i try to fix in, biiznillah

and the list goes down i believe. none could come and force me to think only on a thing because i just can't. it just me and the way i think. how i wish i could concentrate on things and start to focus but i am sorry that i can't. i am trying my best to work on things that i see and capable of doing. still coping to put things into order.

and one thing that i wish that i can get rid and people always forget, i was in Bukit Merbah for 5 years. i might abke to get rid on things that i feel not right but i just couldn't let the good things go away as well. i were trained i am telling you. PERFECTIONIST! especially on works. and i'm struggling for that, a real struggle because MUSLIMS are near to perfections because we have Allah. and i know how do i work.

i am bit left with current issues. i seek Allah's forgiveness for that. still merangkak to get myself on track back especially on Palestine, Muslims, politics, economies etc. keeping things updated and not just update but analyse.

and u expect me to be an engineer when there are just too many things to put in order?

"i can't never see u as engineer. trust me, u're borned to be somebody" -Raihan Jan

and ma and abah got shocked when i told them, "i don't know what should i be later"

and i choose to let things flow :)

after all, worries not. i am enjoying every little tarbiyyah that Allah is teaching :) i am happy for all those. and i am glad for those :)

and i pray that i will meet Allah with my heart full of His blessings and me too is bless to meet Him.

p/s: aishah hopes u see the unseen