geothermal

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

life has been good, alhamdulillah! it really is. the seventh week of school and i started to study like i never did for the past few years. Allah knows the hopes and fears that I have. often He comforts me through many amazing ways. it feels so in bliss when study becomes one of it. I started doing my project, engineering project definitely. i was clueless on what to choose and what to do definitely. i don't wanna do just for the sake of doing but rather something that can be part of my ibadah and benefits to the ummah. i prayed for Allah to give me the best that I can handle. i selected inter seasonal heat storage without knowing much. i know it doesn't sound good! only in the seventh week, our dear supervisors explained on the details. subhanallah! He made my entire day! i was just helplessly praying in the morning, for Him to give methe  light! geothermal will be one of the research that i have to do. i remember this TedX video by Khaled al-Sabawi, an engineer that actively working on geothermal in Palestine. i was so inspired by him! how i wish i can be one. upon listening to the supervisor, this little heart was whispering and imagining. may be this is the starting point that Allah wants me to go to Palestine! subhanallah! but aishah, you made a promise that you will only go to Palestine to liberate it. Either you go there being one of the martyrs or liberators! My heart started doubting! ya Allah, am I dying in my 20s? Allah Rabbi! i started to make my istighfar! who is giving me guarantees that i 'll be dying in my 60s? and there is no guarantee that i am living tomorrow! this worldly life often fascinates us! i can't remember  the last time i went to bed with thought that i may not awake tomorrow!
i remember one day walking back home from university. the sky was so clear. i looked up and suddenly Allah sent me the feeling and thought that i am just a small creature! i am helpless! then i asked myself many times, what did you feel when looking up the sky before?
Allah Ilahi, many times i forget that i am indeed just a helpless servant! rarely i feel myself connected to Your other creatures! and very little time i perform my sujud and ruku' with heart submit to You!

Allah Rabbi,
...Jangan Kau condongkan hati kami kepada kesesatan setelah Engkau berikan petunjuk kepada kami, dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisiMu, sesungguhnya Kau maha pemberi ('ali-Imran:8)

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen