s.a.k.i.t

salam...

tonnes of thing in my head and i just feel like spilling... i can't still adjust with the fact that jannah is no longer around, often i feel that she is around, i need the smile... ya Allah, m not protesting on ur fate but i can't deny the fact that i miss her soooo much... i know that people come and go but good people seldom come but they always go.... it's not easy to deal with the fact that u npw become the reference sedangkan u use to refer on somebody else... m building the strength and i know that Allah is around me to work with...

i can't deny that m scared of death, n it makes me worry on it too much... i was close with jannah and we have a lot of similarities... the 3rd child, rebellious and lots more... u name it all... we both love palestine and hoping to go there one day, insha Allah... and these similarities makem me feel that i'll be the next among our friends and i have to admit that i can't wait but still worry thinking on my amalan...

i don't feel like sambung IB after knowing and realising that this is an Israel system and i can't force myself to believe that Allah will redha my path... i don't feel like studying all the fardhu kifayah thinking that m still weak and horrible in my fardhu ain... i feel so far from Allah and m worry that i can't smile on the last day of my life.... m scared thinking that syurga is just for obedient servant of Allah because i've done a lot sin and i feel so bad about it... i feel so envy knowing that jannah meets Allah with pure heart without intention to get married while m having a lot of masalah hati....

m not asking for solutions cause i know that Allah will help me to work this out... i just have to keep on going... i wanna be an Aishah, a Khaulah, an Umar...

and m working all these out while waiting for the day to meet Him :)

oh Allah, anugerahkan aku kecintaan terhadap pertemuan denganMu melebihi kecintaanku terhadap dunia dan isinya....