reality :/

salam....

i shouldn't be in this mood, pathetic i know, but hopefully i manage to put my thoughts into words,... i feel bad these few days, don't know, so many things went wrong and i kinda "tak betul" probably because i can't talk to him, never mind, chal is strong enough, she has too, for islam at least.... insha allah
this post will be on my opinion, the experiences and lessons that i managed to learn even after 2 weeks registeration at kolej matrikulasi pulau pinang. hopefully i manage to put my opinions on PPSMI into words, chal is not good in expressing ideas :p
honestly, i came to KMPP with one main reason, i want to feel the experience of meeting malaysians, true malaysians, majority of malaysians, why? after 5 years in bukit merbah, followed by 2 weeks with exxonmobil comrades, i don't think that i met typical malaysians, i mean the average malaysians because most of merbahians are all clever and same goes to my exxonmobil comrades... so, this golden chance in KMPP, i am using it to get to know malaysians, average malaysians who come from average families, having average academic background, having average confidence to converse in english and etc... it's average, frankly...
honestly, i love the orientation week very much, it's so nice to be put in the islamic territory, yes, it's islamic people.... at first, i was shocked to see a lot of sisters( the facilitators) wearing tudung labuh and all... and same goes to the brothers, when we had solat jemaah, u can see them coming very early, performing the solat sunat and all... honestly... i am touched.. i had the experience of being a fac too and i admit that i failed to be a good one :p and i love my faci as well, sys fairus... congrats sys, u didi it well.... she kept on mentioning about couple and stuffs... honestly, i can't accept why people here keep on mentioning about coupling and all, but after thinking and discussing with my few new friends, i came out with this conclusion, it's the teenagers common problem that usually distract their studies, yes people.. distracting!!! kmpp also has this "say no to couple" campaign.... i love it... and about the facis they are all excellent students with 3.8 pointer and above and they are all future professionals, yes studying engineering, medicine, pharmacists and etc and yet they are all commited to da'wah... subhanallah.... m impressed and touched as well... i'll surely miss this islamic territory very much as i am sure enough that i won't be such territory anymore:/ m still thankful because at least he still give me chance to feel the nikmat to be in such territory, it's nice people, very nice :)

this will be about PPSMI... after two weeks with my new exciting comrades, i finally realise one thing, PPSMI should be demolished, yes people!!! we learned science and maths in english for 5 years and theoritically, we suppose to understand the 2 subjects very well and same goes to our english... but after one week having the kuliah and tutorial with malaysians, i finally realise that PPSMI seem not to reach the target.... my classmates prefer to ask lecturers in bahasa and even i have to explain to them in bahasa... and i pity them for spending time to translate the lessons into bahasa... what a waste.... and these average malaysians seem to refuse to converse in english during the lectures and tutors and even in english class... i pity u guys, we are all victims... i even see that some lecturers have the difficulty to put their ideas in english, at the end, they say it in bahasa and the students can understand it well, very well... and reality bites, yes it is.... PPSMI actually benefits people in SBP, MRSM and other ellite schools and students from ellite families... but sadly, majority malaysians are just the average... at the end, yang dikejar tak dapat yang dikendong berciciran... and therefore mr PM, please abolish PPSMI, i pity my friends like hell... understand us....

i am still waiting for letters from JPA, please tell me where should i go.... i can't stand it anymore, learning bio and all... i had enough... no more bio please... but i thank allah for giving and meeting me with very nice friends, they are my strength to bertahan with the obstacles, hopefully i'll be strong... ameen...... i feel bad for jilting petronas, dunno... m suppose to attend btn tomorrow and fly next month. but reality bites... language is tough and ma can't afford to let me go that fast, i kinda understand but i feel bad, very bad.... after all, petronas scholarship is what i wanted since i was 12... but i hope i'll be ok after i know where jpa is going to put me, and please let me go to uk.... ameen

i feel bad, very bad and therefore i ask allah for the strength, chal is strong, yes strong enough to face the obstacles and therefore allah is testing her, her iman... but alhamdulillah, until now chal manage to see the unseen, behind the obstacles... yes, people.... i pray that u manage to see the unseen too....

i thank everyone who read my posts, i hope that u manage to see the unseen and may u get the benefits from my crap... ameen

p/s: albaqarah 216, let's ponder :)