geothermal

assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

life has been good, alhamdulillah! it really is. the seventh week of school and i started to study like i never did for the past few years. Allah knows the hopes and fears that I have. often He comforts me through many amazing ways. it feels so in bliss when study becomes one of it. I started doing my project, engineering project definitely. i was clueless on what to choose and what to do definitely. i don't wanna do just for the sake of doing but rather something that can be part of my ibadah and benefits to the ummah. i prayed for Allah to give me the best that I can handle. i selected inter seasonal heat storage without knowing much. i know it doesn't sound good! only in the seventh week, our dear supervisors explained on the details. subhanallah! He made my entire day! i was just helplessly praying in the morning, for Him to give methe  light! geothermal will be one of the research that i have to do. i remember this TedX video by Khaled al-Sabawi, an engineer that actively working on geothermal in Palestine. i was so inspired by him! how i wish i can be one. upon listening to the supervisor, this little heart was whispering and imagining. may be this is the starting point that Allah wants me to go to Palestine! subhanallah! but aishah, you made a promise that you will only go to Palestine to liberate it. Either you go there being one of the martyrs or liberators! My heart started doubting! ya Allah, am I dying in my 20s? Allah Rabbi! i started to make my istighfar! who is giving me guarantees that i 'll be dying in my 60s? and there is no guarantee that i am living tomorrow! this worldly life often fascinates us! i can't remember  the last time i went to bed with thought that i may not awake tomorrow!
i remember one day walking back home from university. the sky was so clear. i looked up and suddenly Allah sent me the feeling and thought that i am just a small creature! i am helpless! then i asked myself many times, what did you feel when looking up the sky before?
Allah Ilahi, many times i forget that i am indeed just a helpless servant! rarely i feel myself connected to Your other creatures! and very little time i perform my sujud and ruku' with heart submit to You!

Allah Rabbi,
...Jangan Kau condongkan hati kami kepada kesesatan setelah Engkau berikan petunjuk kepada kami, dan kurniakanlah kepada kami rahmat dari sisiMu, sesungguhnya Kau maha pemberi ('ali-Imran:8)

sungguh, tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

musafir

I’ve been leaving home since 13, and since then, the feeling of being a traveller often occupies my mind. I like being a traveller, I enjoy staying on the bus or trains for hours while my mind freely pondering even most of the time I sleep! One thing good when you being a musafir is the feeling of being a traveller itself. When you start unpack stuffs at any destination with a thought in your mind that you will be packing things up back! And you live your life at that particular destination with a thought that this is just something temporary! Another stop is indeed another journey. That is not even a destination! That is what life is I supposed! Travelling and preparing for leaving, realizing that this is indeed some part of my journey. I remember the first time I left home in January 2004, Zulkaedah in Hijri. Ma and abah were leaving on the same date for their Hajj. I was just so innocent at that time, still am! Since then, Hajj and hijrah become very significant to me. I first went to UK in Zulkaedah, the same date Malaysians leaving for their Hajj. My second year was the same too. And here I am for my third year too! One thing challenging about Hajj is the sacrifice! You have to leave in order for you to be there. Meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan. It is always an issue. Different amalgam of feelings but one faith! Meninggalkan dengan penuh takut dan harap pada orang yang ditinggalkan. Ditinggalkan dengan penuh takut dan harap pada Allah. To Allah we leave everything for, indeed!

When we left our camp for hiking, we do know that the destination is the campsite. You have to go through the journey and be back! But I guess, often our present journey hypnotises us. We were just so excited to be at the peak! That was my aim for the first 2 hours as far I could remember. Upon reaching at the peak, I was just so happy and jaded. Looking at the breathtaking scenery above, I started to realise that the peak was not my destination, it just half of the journey. We went down the hill happily I remember, because we thought we had achieved our mission. And Allah wanted me to understand this in depth when we passed by a very beautiful river. We were very jubilant to see the river! Everyone got separated and did own businesses. 2 of us were busy washing hands and drinking while another 2 were enjoying the place. I laid down by the river, glazing up the sky. It was a perfect day with perfect scenery! Subhanallah! I didn't know what hypnotized us but we were blinded at that time. I was just feeling like taking a nap! I know that is insane! We spent 30 minutes stopping and doing nothing! Suddenly, one of us realised the presence of a brother on the other side. That brother warned us that we haven’t reached our destination back! We continued walking for another 2 hours before reaching at the campsite in one piece, Alhamdulillah! Dunia mempesona, I often tell that. Most of the time; the destinations that we have dream about are indeed just some part of the journey!

I love to be reminded that this world is just something temporary. We are all leaving soon; anytime. Life is about preparing for a better tomorrow while cheering and treasuring the moment you have. But this world is not the destination. Studying and living in UK are not my destination. There is no such thing as settling down because unpacking is indeed another packing.  I am leaving for UK soon, so soon that I cannot brain! I don’t know what’s coming ahead but I know Allah is in Malaysia, UK and anywhere. Make doa for everybody.

Meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan; Allah takkan pernah!

12^th September

How beautiful, is this worldly life
But not a soul shall remain
We all come into this world
Only to leave it one day
I can see that everything around me
Rises then fades away
Life is just a passing moment
Nothing is meant to stay

This worldly life has an end
And it's then real life begins
A world where we will live forever
This beautiful worldly life has an end
It's a just bridge that must be crossed
To a life that will go on forever
So many years, quickly slipping by
Like the Sleepers of the Cave
Wake up and make a choice
Before we end up in our graves
O God! You didn't put me here in vain
I know I'll be held accountable for what I do
This life is just a journey
And it's taking me back to You

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

asal Kau tak murka

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

146 – dan betapa banyak nabi yang berperang didampingi sejumlah besar dari pengikut yang bertaqwa. Mereka tidak lemah kerana bencana yang menimpanya di jalan Allah, tidak patah semangat dan tidak menyerah. Dan Allah mencintai orang-orang yang sabar

147 – dan tidak lain ucapan mereka hanyalah doa, “ya Tuhan kami, ampunilah dosa-dosa kami dan tindakan-tindakan kami yang berlebihan urusan kami dan tetapkanlah pendirian kami dan tolonglah kami terhadap orang-orang kafir

(Ali ‘Imran)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Wahai Tuhanku Kau sahajalah tempat ku mengadu kelemahan tenagaku dan kurang bicaraku, kehinaanku di mata ramai. Wahai Tuhan yang maha pengasih Kaulah Tuhan mereka-mereka yang lemah, Kaulah Tuhanku, kepada siapakah Kau akan serah aku ini? Kepada mereka yang jauh yang bencikan aku atau kepada seteru yang Kau berikan kuasa ke atasku? Andaikata tidakada sebarang kemurkaanMu keatas aku,maka tidak akan aku pedulikan, tetapi kemaafan dan kurniaan Kau lebih luas untukku. Aku berlindung dengan cahaya zatMu yang menyinari segala kegelapan dan yangmemberi manfaat dunia dan akhirat dari kemarahanNya keatas ku dan kemurkaanMu, Kau sahaja yang menegur sepuasnya. Dan tidak ada helah bicara dan tenaga hanyalah dengan Kau sahaja.

(doa Rasulullah di Taif)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Reading doas from anbiya’ will make you ponder very deeply. The trials that they have countered often shaken their hearts but not faith. Often their doas are simple, but deep and you can feel the faith that they have.

Wa isra fana fi amrina

Most of the times, people do mistakes because of ignorance or some innocence. To me that is fine! What makes it worse is the extra mix of emotions that we have. Ladies! Our skeptical minds, our angers mix with frustrations, stubbornness, and arrogance.  When Allah show us the right path, and looking back on the days that full with roller coasters, we will knee down and recite the doa full heartedly. How I wish things could have been that worst! Berlebihan dalam urusan, we are all indeed. May Allah forgive us for that.

When we say we want to please Allah, as long as His anger is not with us, we will do everything! Even that means sacrificing the arrogance that your heart wants! Maybe the satisfaction or redemption that you should be feeling after completing something that you have been dreaming since twelve.

Alat vs matlamat; you will surely be tested on this! And always remember that Allah is always seeking for His pure servant. Allah deserves not to be shared what more challenged!

For You, I will!

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

huge space

assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

i always have this question in my mind, how am I going to love a lot of people? i don't think i have such a huge space in my heart for me to love people. love means devotion, responsible, commitment and lots more. even worse, i don't really have a lot of time to whisper specific doa for specific people that i love. i just cannot because they are just many! embracing this summer with mindset as orang yang bakal ditinggalkan and we really count you, i know that i have such a huge task to work on soon, very soon! and i know that i cannot make that if i don't have them in my heart. and that occupies my mind. one of my prayer list for this summer is to learn to love a lot of people.
I saw Serial Cinta by Us Anis Matta during DW. and i know that i have to grab it. i just love the feeling of indulging myself with books, reading the thoughts, enjoying and indulging with the language, and swimming in the stories. Alhamdulillah, Allah answers my prayers. just what i need at this point of time! kekuatan jiwa!
i couldn't argue for much when he said erti cinta ialah memberi dan kita takkan memberi kalau kita tidak memiliki. so, where do you get the love from? Allah! the stronger the kekuatan jiwa you have, the stronger the love that you can give! cinta ialah memberi, memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan. memberi sampai orang tu rasa diberi dan walaupun tak diberi balik, cukuplah Allah maha Pemberi!
Allah! i just couldn't keep the feeling! now i know!
now only I understand when ISHAB said kita menawan mereka dengan kasih sayang. it's a pure love i am telling you. love of the ummah to help them saving their life from hell fire, and it just a matter of love!

and while sending choy off, we discussed this topic together with auni.
i am telling you that to give is just so dahsyat! i cannot deny that i need some space for my own, just to recharge. "kadang-kadang aku tak layan anak usrah aku sebab waktu tu aku tak mampu nak bagi. dan aku banyak diam dengan diorang. sebab aku tak tahu apa nak bagi", somebody said. and me too most of the times would laying down with my eyes glaring up high, searching, bulding and recharging the strength! i cant stop tears running. it is indeed a huge responsibility and love and therefore deserves big heart! ya Allah, help me with that!

to love is to give!

ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon kepadaMu agar selalu mencintaiMu, mencintai orang orang yang mencintaiMu, dan amal perbuatan yang dapat mengahtarkanku untuk mencintaiMu. ya Allah, jadikanlah cintaku kepadaMu melebihi cinta pada diriku, keluargaku dan melebihi air yang menyejukkan. (HR at-Tirmidzi)

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

break

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah…

Two weeks of travelling and I am finally home. We are all travellers. The pain, the feelings are all mixed up. Back to back events and activities and I don’t even have a day for me to sit properly , what more to settle down. When everything is over, I just can’t wait to be home and relax, and settle down. I took a ride of ERL early in the morning with heavy big luggage, mumbling to myself that I wanna go home and that’s it. Suddenly, this lovely quote stroke my mind, keinginan untuk berehat adalah permulaan kepada future. Or in a nicer sentence, masa rehat untuk seornag daie adalah bukti kelalaiannya…..

See, Allah never leave me and He knows how best to slap me on time, precisely! Flight was delayed to 2.00pm. Just appropriate for me to tajdid my niat, I am going back not to rehat tapi untuk berbakti to my parents. Different niat that definitely lead to fifferent actions taken. My dearest usrahmate once said to me dekat KIBAR, awak mesti biasa leisure dekat rumah kan? You look like you always have time for yourself at home. And indeed I am. May Allah forgive me for that….

38 – Ya Tuhan kami, sesungguhnya Enagkau mengetahui apa yang kami sembunyikan dan apa yang kami tampakkan dan tidak ada sesuatu pun yang tersembunyi bagi Allah baik yang ada di bumi maupun yang ada di langit

39 – Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah menganugerahkan kepadaku di hari tua Ismail dan Ishak. Sungguh, Tuhanku beanr-benar Maha Mendengar doa

40 – Ya Tuhanku, jadikanlah aku dan anak cucuku orang yang tetap melaksanakan solat, ya Tuhan kami perkenankanlah doaku

41 – Ya tuhan kami, ampunilah aku dan kedua ibu bapaku dan semua orang yang beriman pada hari diadakan perhitungan. 

SALJ!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

 

I am writing this to myself and you. It's been months since I last write. That reflects how drain I am, perhaps.

 

It's been snowing for 5 days, since Friday. It stops for a while. I walk on the snow while some are still falling. I look out the window from my room, and that tiny little drops mesmerize me. Snow is not the reason why i am here. really! That contributes to why I wasn't that exciting since my first snow. But when that little drops keep on coming, I strongly believe that Allah is teaching me something. something that i try to find even until now.

For the first few days of snow, I keep on thinking on what do I learn from the snow. i gotta walk to university. It's slippery. It makes the journey even harder. I was whispering through out my journey, Allah is teaching that no matter how atrocious life is, life goes on. I have to go on. I have to keep on moving. Regardless of the unfavourable weather, the cold, the slippery pathways. LIFE GOES ON!

My stance was changed on Friday. I got out early in the morning for group discussion. Striving to be there as early as possible but 20 minutes late. the discussion wasn't that satisfactory. I was about to pack my stuffs and leave for the Friday prayer. It's been months since i last sit down properly, listening to the khatib. My group mate told me that classes are cancelled. I was smirking. Thinking and pondering. I walked into the prayer hall, listened to the khatib. I felt tranquil. khutbah ended and I knew that the tough journey home started. Allah! the snow was heavy, I walked full hearted. The traffic was terrible, and for the first time in my life here, I saw traffic jam from university to home. Everyone was looking at  me weirdly. Very few people walked in the snow because people don't walk in heavy snow!. The snow was thick. I keep on walking. tired! slippery! as I moved, my mind kept thinking.  I never thought that university and city would be paralysed just because of snow. It is tiny. But they are not. Seeing that little drop, I wouldn't expect that little drop when unite could drive human paralysed! serious. I kept walking. It is surprising that finally human admitted their weaknesses and surrender the nature. and I wonder, if people can follow nature, why can't they surrender to the creator of nature?

"akhirnya manusia tunduk kepada alam,

mari tunduk kepada Tuhan pencipta alam"

people started posting pictures on facebook. I got annoyed may be. some started sharing this verse.

"Have you not seen how God drives along the clouds, then joins them together, then makes them into a stack, and then you see the rain come out of it? And He sends down from the sky mountain masses (of clouds) with cold hail in them, striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills. The brightness of His lightning almost blinds the sight."
(The Qur'an, 24:43)

alhamdulillah, people realised that the snow is from Allah. no, I'm not going to repeat what others have said. i just want to highlight " striking with it anyone He wills and averting it from anyone He wills"

Going through the verse again and again, Allah allows me to ponder. He lets the snow strike me with His wills. That is a true reminder! it is His wills for me to witness snow. It is His wills that keeps me living. It His wills that makes me who i am today. And with His wills, to Him i should return.

That's the biggest lesson i learn from MR. Salj. Amazing how that little drop is actually from His wills, and even mesmerize when every tiny little drop that i see is in His accordance.

thank you Allah for the biggest, beautiful lesson. i know that You want me to keep in remembering You through Sunshine and snow, come thunder and strong wind.

from You i came, to You i shall return, and may You give me strength to live in the present for You...

ya Allah,

may every little whitey drop that You are sending, improve my iman and make me closer to You and be among the believers.

sungguh. tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen

 

p/s/s: iman itu licin macam salji tak?

one soul

Allah.

i am writing this to myself. it's hard. full stop. it's the 5th day after the clod pillar operation started. and it's been 5 days that now only my mind full of things happened in Gaza. i was so into that before i decided to focus my work to build the ummah. it's hard to really have faith that this is my battle field. the fact that they don't need my presence there and the ummah here needs my presence. Allah. i try hard to believe in that but often i fail. i can't study. i feel hard to sleep. the thoughts on them are overwhelming me. i feel them. i feel me. we are just a soul. Allah. news and updates coming in and i just can;t afford to ignore. waiting for something uncertain. i don't know what do i hope actually. i am emotional, i know. but it just that. i know that i should plan hard. work and plan rationally while hoping for a better tomorrow. Allah. i know that their prayers are with me. for me to stay here and do my work as what i supposed to. Allah. i am clear and certain on what i am doing. why am i taking engineering. why am i studying Arabic. Insha Allah. i am certain about that. i try hard to believe. i try hard to work hard and have greater faith on what i am doing. even my battle field is full of wealth, i try hard to fight even though far from equal from them. Allah, to You i surrender myself. to You i hope for a greater faith. to You i pray for greater strength form me and for them to keep fighting for al Haq, wherever we are. Allah. let me and my generations be part of the liberation army from the invasion of Kuffar, wherever we are!

sungguh! tiada daya dan upaya kita selain dari Allah.

p/s: aishah hopes you see the unseen